The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offencesoffenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Traffic safety measures have long been on the government’s agenda worldwide. Some people argue that to make road travel safer, government has to punish drivers more harshly if they break the traffic law. I agree with the view that punishment can help curb road offenses, but it should not be taken as the only solution.
Admittedly, a severe punishment is vital considering its deterrent effect on those who are likely to disobey road regulations. For example, Australia is one of the safest countries all over the world. In this country, traffic violators are fined more seriously than some other countries. An instance is drivers will be detained if they are found to have drunk driving and a severe fine will be applied for over speeding rather than just verbal warning in some other places. Therefore, drivers and pedestrians become more aware of traffic laws and demonstrate improved law compliance, since they know the serious consequences of their risky actions.
However, despite the importance of imposing harsh regulations, the authorities should not overlook other options that may sometimes achieve better outcomes. One salient example is that raising the legal driving age could contribute to the improvement of road safety. It is seen that youths are legally allowed to drive after 16 or 17 in some countries, such as Philippines and United Kingdom. However, teenagers are usually more impetuous but less mature than adults, hence are more likely to disobey the traffic regulations. As a result, increasing the legal driving age to 21.5 in countries with high traffic accident rates could enhance young people’s awareness of traffic law since they have more time for training.
In conclusion, the apparent effectiveness of the harsher punishment measures on traffic law offenders should be acknowledged. However, this is not the only way that achieves better and safer usage of roads. An integrated approach should be adopted such as raising the legal driving age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a complete noun Original: government has to Suggested revision: governments have to Why it matters: The countable noun needs either an article or a plural form in this general statement.
- 2. Use the general plural Original: the traffic law Suggested revision: traffic laws Why it matters: The plural form is natural when referring generally to road regulations.
- 3. Use comparison phrasing Original: all over the world Suggested revision: in the world Why it matters: The superlative construction conventionally uses “in the world.”
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: demonstrate improved law compliance Suggested revision: show greater compliance with the law Why it matters: “Compliance with the law” is the standard noun-preposition pattern.
- 5. Name the measure accurately Original: regulations Suggested revision: penalties Why it matters: Penalties are imposed on offenders, whereas regulations are rules that authorities introduce or enforce.
- 6. Introduce an option Original: One salient example is that Suggested revision: One notable option is to consider Why it matters: Raising the driving age is presented as an alternative measure rather than as an example of harsh punishment.
- 7. Use a direct verb Original: contribute to the improvement of road safety Suggested revision: improve road safety Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same relationship more concisely.
- 8. Remove vague attribution Original: It is seen that Suggested revision: For example, Why it matters: The vague passive does not identify an observer, while the sentence functions as an example.
- 9. Use natural reference Original: youths Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: “Young people” is the more natural neutral term in this context.
- 10. Express starting age Original: drive after 16 or 17 Suggested revision: drive from the age of 16 or 17 Why it matters: “From the age of” correctly identifies when legal permission begins.
- 11. Add country articles Original: such as Philippines and United Kingdom Suggested revision: such as the Philippines and the United Kingdom Why it matters: Both country names conventionally require the definite article.
- 12. Show additive relationship Original: more impetuous but less mature Suggested revision: more impulsive and less mature Why it matters: Both qualities support the same comparison, so “and” expresses their additive relationship clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- government has to governments have to
- the traffic law traffic laws
- all over the world in the world
- demonstrate improved law compliance show greater compliance with the law
- regulations penalties
- One salient example is that One notable option is to consider
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear and consistent partial-disagreement position, with a sensible structure that explains deterrence and then proposes another safety measure. Its main limitation is that parts of the evidence are questionable or only loosely connected to the claimed result, while recurring awkward grammar and collocation weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to build each example through a credible cause-and-effect chain and edit sentence structures for natural accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a clear position and two relevant main ideas, although some supporting reasoning is not wholly convincing.
Explain more clearly how a higher driving age would reduce accidents, using a realistic mechanism rather than assuming it automatically increases legal awareness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear progression, and paragraphing and contrast markers make the position easy to follow.
Tighten the internal progression of each example so that evidence, explanation, and claimed safety outcome connect directly.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, but recurrent unnatural collocations reduce lexical precision.
Use natural combinations such as "heavier fines," "drink-driving," and "speeding" instead of literal or awkward alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently and meaning remains clear, but errors in clause formation, articles, and verb patterns recur.
Revise sentences with embedded examples and conditions, especially forms such as "One example is that drivers are detained" and "found drink-driving."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offencesoffenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.