In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Sample Response
In recent years, the change in spending money to buy people's needs has occurred dramatically. As a result, it always will be a controversial topic whether it is a bad or positive trend relating to the shopping habit which has become a routine task and even a hobby. This essay, as my point of view, leads to, will try to come up with several considerations as I believe that an intermediate position can be taken relating to this issue.
Shopping, that contradicts the topic regards, is a "nightmare" because the impacts which are dire & inevitable. Consumerism, in some ways, contributes bad things to the society as well as the civilisations. People who overcapitalize their money can spend their revenues in nothing and as a result, they suffer in managing their funding and try to borrow a big amount of money for just their basic needs. Psychologists argue that addiction in shopping which creates consumerism behaviour can lead to several criminal dire effects such as robbery and stealing.
However, without shopping and its relating things governments will face the problem in controlling the economy. The thing which can grow the Gross Domestic Products indicator is expenditures, especially the private one. Without increasing in this indicator, there will be severe implications which the economist called unemployment. The improvement of spending money indicates that people in the country are wealthy and also projects the prosperity of the nation which influences the corporations to produce products in high quantity as well as high quality. Throughout this trend, the employers will try to provide immense chances for people to get their job in the corporations. As consequences, spending in buying products, even it is a hobby or not, with larger portions helps economy matters indirectly.
To sum up, having considered the discussion above, I believe it will always create both positive and negative impacts, but shopping habit can be useful if the shoppers expend their money wisely.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify opposing perspective Original: that contradicts the topic regards Suggested revision: from an opposing perspective Why it matters: The original phrase is unidiomatic and obscures the intended contrast.
- 2. Complete the clause Original: the impacts which are Suggested revision: its impacts are Why it matters: The relative pronoun leaves the clause without a complete predicate.
- 3. Use formal conjunction Original: & Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The full conjunction is more appropriate in a formal essay.
- 4. Use precise noun phrase Original: bad things Suggested revision: harmful effects Why it matters: The revision states the negative outcome more precisely.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: “Society” is used generally here and does not take “the.”
- 6. Use correct spending verb Original: overcapitalize their money Suggested revision: overspend Why it matters: “Overcapitalize” does not mean spending more money than one can afford.
- 7. Use personal finance noun Original: revenues Suggested revision: income Why it matters: “Income” is the appropriate noun for money received by individuals.
- 8. Correct spending preposition Original: in nothing Suggested revision: on unnecessary items Why it matters: The verb “spend” takes “on” before the object of expenditure.
- 9. Use natural verb phrase Original: suffer in managing Suggested revision: struggle to manage Why it matters: “Struggle to manage” is the natural collocation for experiencing difficulty.
- 10. Choose personal finance term Original: funding Suggested revision: finances Why it matters: “Finances” refers to an individual's management of money, whereas “funding” usually supports a project or organisation.
- 11. Use adjective form Original: consumerism Suggested revision: consumerist Why it matters: The adjective “consumerist” is needed to modify “behaviour.”
- 12. Correct word order Original: criminal dire effects Suggested revision: serious criminal consequences Why it matters: The revised phrase uses natural adjective order and a precise noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- that contradicts the topic regards from an opposing perspective
- the impacts which are its impacts are
- & and
- bad things harmful effects
- the society society
- overcapitalize their money overspend
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a recognisable balanced structure and gives reasons for both the harmful and beneficial effects of shopping as a hobby. Its main limitation is that several claims drift toward spending in general, while frequent awkward word choices and sentence constructions obscure otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to make each paragraph directly evaluate the hobby trend using precise, natural language and clearly reasoned support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response considers both sides and reaches a qualified position, but some development concerns consumer spending generally rather than shopping specifically as a hobby.
Keep every supporting claim tied to whether treating shopping as a leisure activity is positive, and explain the causal links more carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates a clear overall progression, although some long sentences and imprecise referencing weaken connections within ideas.
Organise each body paragraph around one explicit claim and use shorter linking sentences to show how each example supports it.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and misused words sometimes make the argument difficult to follow.
Prioritise accurate common expressions for spending, debt, employment, and economic growth instead of forcing less familiar vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and clause construction reduce clarity.
Rewrite the longest sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check articles and agreement in every clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.