In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Sample Response
The millennial era has witnessed a new style of shopping. Earlier people used to consider it is a daily errand. However, modernization made shopping as a favorite leisure-time activity which, I differ by stating it’s an only decisive trend until it does not exceed its limitations.
In the pre-urbanization era, civilians used to visit the shops and concluded in buying only the necessary items. For example, In our childhood new clothes would be presented to us for a few festivals or additional furniture would be when the old item has been destroyed. On the contrary, in the 21st century, people would either indulge themselves in online shopping or buy themselves a new pair of shoes to beat the boredom.
The changing trends can be attributed to certain reasons such as apparent access to money, the uncomplicated shopping process. To elaborate in detail, the technological invention of plastic money made shopping effortless. Despite, not having capital people buy using credit and pay later. The emergence of numerous shopping malls, along with discounted prices for 365 days is also, regarded as the plausible cause for people being lured towards shopping.
On the flip side, they are set of impediments that occur when shopping exceeds the normalcy and becomes an addiction. A strong desire to own a prized possession can be leading the individual to either steal or commit a crime. The repeated activity of buying unwanted things can be the associative logic behind such thefts.
In the final analysis, I concur that even though, shopping relieves stress and compliments people with a good sense of sight, it should be performed only when necessary. Associating oneself, in spending money on unnecessary goods may drain us financially and mentally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate time phrase Original: millennial Suggested revision: modern Why it matters: Millennial era does not naturally denote the general present-day period described here.
- 2. Correct verb pattern Original: used to consider it is Suggested revision: used to consider it Why it matters: Consider takes the object directly here and does not require is.
- 3. Use relevant time frame Original: pre-urbanization era Suggested revision: past Why it matters: The comparison concerns earlier shopping habits rather than the period before urbanisation.
- 4. Choose suitable noun Original: civilians Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Civilians contrasts with military personnel and is inappropriate for ordinary shoppers.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: concluded in buying Suggested revision: ended up buying Why it matters: Ended up buying is the correct structure for describing the eventual result.
- 6. Use accurate contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast compares past and present, whereas on the contrary normally rejects a preceding claim.
- 7. Remove unnecessary modal Original: would either indulge themselves Suggested revision: either indulge themselves Why it matters: The present-time claim requires the simple present rather than hypothetical would.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: beat the boredom Suggested revision: relieve boredom Why it matters: Relieve boredom is the natural collocation in formal writing.
- 9. Clarify the cause Original: apparent Suggested revision: easy Why it matters: Apparent means seeming rather than describing how readily money can be obtained.
- 10. Join list correctly Original: , the uncomplicated shopping process Suggested revision: and an uncomplicated shopping process Why it matters: The two reasons require a coordinating conjunction and parallel noun phrases.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: To elaborate in detail Suggested revision: To elaborate Why it matters: Elaborate already means to explain in greater detail.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: technological invention of plastic money Suggested revision: introduction of card payments Why it matters: The revision names the payment method clearly and avoids the awkward phrase technological invention.
Suggested Rewrites
- millennial modern
- used to consider it is used to consider it
- pre-urbanization era past
- civilians people
- concluded in buying ended up buying
- On the contrary By contrast
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies plausible reasons for hobby shopping and some financial and behavioral risks, with a recognizable progression across paragraphs. Its main limitation is that the required evaluation of whether the trend is positive remains unclear and underdeveloped, as causes receive more attention than benefits. The highest-priority improvement is to establish a precise extent position and develop balanced evidence that directly tests that judgment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses the trend and its risks, but the extent judgment is unclear and positive effects receive very limited development.
Give a precise position in the introduction and devote the main paragraphs to weighing developed benefits against developed drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and broad progression are evident, although some tangential explanation and mechanical connectors weaken the argument's focus.
Use each paragraph to advance one part of the evaluation and remove causal material that does not directly support the judgment.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss consumer behavior, but frequent awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Choose familiar, precise expressions and check collocations such as positive trend, excessive spending, and financial strain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in articles, verb forms, punctuation, and clause construction sometimes strain meaning.
Build accurate main clauses first, then attach dependent clauses while checking tense consistency and comma placement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.