Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate about whether students' academic success is primarily influenced by the quality of their teachers or by their own determination and attitude. While some argue that a student's mindset and perseverance are the key factors, others believe that skilled and dedicated teachers play the most significant role in shaping academic achievement. This essay will explore both perspectives and outline that learners' academic success largely depends on excellent schools and qualified teachers.
On the one hand, proponents of student-driven success argue that motivation and personal commitment are crucial. They contend that even the best teachers cannot guarantee success if a student lacks discipline or interest. For instance, highly ambitious students often take the initiative to study independently, seek additional resources, and practice extensively. Furthermore, with the rise of online education, many learners achieve excellence through self-study, proving that determination can lead to academic progress regardless of teaching quality.
However, despite the importance of self-motivation, it is highly unlikely that students can reach their full potential without the guidance of exceptional educators. Good teachers provide structured learning, simplify complex concepts, and create engaging lessons tailored to different learning styles. For example, many students struggle with subjects like mathematics and science until a knowledgeable teacher explains the concepts in an accessible way. Moreover, teachers inspire confidence, cultivate curiosity, and provide mentorship, all of which contribute to long-term academic success. Without proper instruction, even the most determined students may struggle to achieve their goals efficiently.
In conclusion, while personal determination is undoubtedly a factor in academic achievement, the influence of skilled and passionate teachers is far greater. A student’s potential can only be fully realised with the right guidance, making good teachers and schools the cornerstone of educational success.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct phrasing Original: is primarily influenced by Suggested revision: depends primarily on Why it matters: The revision expresses the relationship more directly and economically.
- 2. Refine the comparison Original: the most significant role Suggested revision: a more significant role Why it matters: The comparative form matches the essay's comparison of two influences more precisely.
- 3. Choose precise adjective Original: ambitious Suggested revision: motivated Why it matters: 'Motivated' connects more directly to the paragraph's focus on commitment to study.
- 4. Specify the achievement Original: achieve excellence Suggested revision: achieve excellent academic results Why it matters: The revision makes the type of excellence explicit in this academic context.
- 5. Calibrate the claim Original: highly unlikely that students can reach Suggested revision: less likely that students will reach Why it matters: The comparative wording states the disadvantage without making an unnecessarily absolute claim.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: learning Suggested revision: instruction Why it matters: Teachers provide instruction, while students engage in learning.
- 7. Use formal exemplifier Original: subjects like mathematics and science Suggested revision: subjects such as mathematics and science Why it matters: 'Such as' introduces examples in a slightly more formal academic register.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: provide Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: 'Offer mentorship' is the more natural verb-noun combination here.
- 9. Clarify implicit comparison Original: achieve their goals efficiently Suggested revision: achieve their goals as efficiently Why it matters: Adding 'as' makes the implied comparison with guided students grammatically explicit.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay will explore both perspectives and outline that learners' academic success largely depends on excellent schools and qualified teachers. Suggested revision: This essay will explore both perspectives and argue that learners' academic success depends largely on high-quality schools and qualified teachers. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the awkward reporting verb and improves the placement of 'largely'.
Suggested Rewrites
- is primarily influenced by depends primarily on
- the most significant role a more significant role
- ambitious motivated
- achieve excellence achieve excellent academic results
- highly unlikely that students can reach less likely that students will reach
- learning instruction
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both views directly, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its reasoning through well-chosen explanations and examples in a highly coherent structure. Its main limitation is that some support remains generalized and the conclusion states the teacher-led position rather absolutely. The highest-priority improvement is to add slightly more nuanced, specific evidence showing how teacher quality and student agency interact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the opinion is consistent, and the central ideas are well developed with relevant explanation and examples.
Add a more nuanced example that acknowledges how strong teaching and student motivation can reinforce each other.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress smoothly through a well-controlled paragraph structure, with cohesive devices used clearly and appropriately.
Refine the transition into the preferred view so the comparative judgment emerges even more naturally from the discussion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and consistently appropriate, with flexible use of education-related language and natural collocations.
Avoid slightly formulaic or absolute phrasing by choosing more qualified expressions where the argument requires nuance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and fluently, with virtually no grammatical errors affecting the response.
Maintain this control while experimenting with even more concise sentence patterns to sharpen emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.