Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some people opine that the academic excellence of students is determined by good mentors at schools, others believe that students’ academic success is a matter of their attitude and willpower. This essay will outline both perspectives and assert that while a good teacher can provide effective lessons, it is ultimately a student’s positive mindset and will which determine his or her academic success.
Those in favour of adept teachers for learners' academic excellence argue that good tutors play the most important role in students’ academic success. That is to say that they deliver effective lectures so that students have a deep comprehension of the subject matter, helping them to acquire better grades. For example, a recent study shows that if teachers break down complex concepts, give clear explanations and provide relevant examples, students’ grades increase by thirty percent.
Proponents of learners' determination and hard work for better academic performance say that the blend of attitude and determination contributes to their academic success. Positive attitude and firm determination generate pupils’ motivation, driving them to succeed academically. Put simply, when students possess a positive mindset and resolve, they are more likely to put in a great deal of effort in order to pursue educational goals. For instance, a student who is determined to acquire high grades in examinations may be more likely to dedicate hours to studying, completing assignments and so on. Besides, no matter how competent a teacher is, if the pupil lacks the required motivation to pursue good grades nothing can help them. For these reasons, I think students’ attitude and determination exceeds all other factors in importance in pursuit of academic success.
To conclude, although good teachers provide students with effective lectures, a student’s attitude and determination towards learning are ultimately the principal contributors to his or her academic outcome and achievements.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: acquire better grades Suggested revision: achieve higher grades Why it matters: Students achieve grades, and higher gives the appropriate comparison.
- 2. Add article Original: Positive attitude Suggested revision: A positive attitude Why it matters: The singular countable noun attitude needs an article.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: acquire high grades Suggested revision: achieve high grades Why it matters: Achieve is the appropriate verb for attaining grades.
- 4. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine that Suggested revision: believe that Why it matters: Believe is more natural and less conspicuously formal in this context.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: academic excellence of students Suggested revision: students' academic success Why it matters: The possessive phrase is more concise and matches the task's central term.
- 6. Match the task term Original: good mentors at schools Suggested revision: good teachers at school Why it matters: Teachers is more precise than mentors for the school-based role under discussion.
- 7. State causation directly Original: a matter of their attitude and willpower Suggested revision: determined by their attitude and willpower Why it matters: The replacement expresses the proposed cause more directly.
- 8. Clarify noun relationship Original: adept teachers for learners' academic excellence Suggested revision: skilled teachers' role in learners' academic success Why it matters: The replacement clearly identifies the role being supported rather than implying teachers are for excellence.
- 9. Keep terminology consistent Original: good tutors Suggested revision: good teachers Why it matters: Using teachers consistently avoids an unnecessary shift in reference.
- 10. Fit school context Original: deliver effective lectures Suggested revision: deliver effective lessons Why it matters: Lessons is more natural than lectures for teaching at school.
- 11. Avoid opening repetition Suggested revision: State the teachers' role once at the start, then move directly to how effective instruction improves understanding and grades. Why it matters: The first two sentences currently repeat the same claim before presenting its mechanism.
Suggested Rewrites
- acquire better grades achieve higher grades
- Positive attitude A positive attitude
- acquire high grades achieve high grades
- opine that believe that
- academic excellence of students students' academic success
- good mentors at schools good teachers at school
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay addresses both perspectives directly, maintains a clear comparative opinion, and develops its reasoning through focused explanations and relevant examples. Organisation is controlled and the language is flexible and precise, with only a few minor agreement, punctuation, and collocational lapses. To improve further, make the supporting evidence less formulaic and refine the small number of awkward or repetitive expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are well developed with relevant explanations and examples, and the preference for student attitude and determination remains clear throughout.
Strengthen the discussion further by replacing the generic study claim with a more concrete or carefully qualified illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, uses purposeful paragraphs, and manages cohesive devices well without disrupting progression.
Make the transition from the opposing view to the preferred view slightly more analytical by explicitly comparing their relative influence.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary is used accurately and flexibly, with only occasional repetition and slightly awkward academic collocations.
Reduce repeated references to academic success and choose more natural alternatives to phrases such as acquire high grades.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few agreement or punctuation errors do not impede communication.
Correct isolated details such as attitude and determination exceed and add a comma before nothing can help them.