The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that the most effective way for children to learn how to cooperate with one another is to engage them in team sports at school. Personally, I completely agree with this idea and will outline several reasons why in the following essay.
Firstly, participating in team sports at school helps children to improve their communication skills, which are essential for effective cooperation. When children are engaged in team sports, whether it be basketball, football, or any other team sport that requires communication between the players, it is essential that they learn how to communicate with one another effectively in order to win the match. This can be achieved through verbal communication, body language, hand signals, or other forms of communication, and by regularly practising the many forms of communication involved in playing team sports, children are improving their ability to cooperate with one another simply through an improved ability to communicate.
Secondly, by taking part in team sports at school, children learn the effectiveness of working together in order to reach a common goal, which is the basis of cooperation. By playing team sports, children are forced to learn how to work together in order to win a match. In many team sports, training sessions focus on drills that train students how to execute certain strategies that require them to cooperate with one another, and by doing so, they get to experience the benefits of working together firsthand. If children do not have a good understanding of exactly how working together to reach a common goal is far more effective than working independently, then they will not have the desire or enthusiasm to cooperate with others.
In conclusion, team sports help students improve their communication skills and allow them to experience first-hand the results of working together, which will then inspire and motivate them to cooperate better with others in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct statement Original: will outline several reasons why in the following essay Suggested revision: will explain why in this essay Why it matters: The revision expresses the essay's purpose more concisely.
- 2. Use the correct collocation Original: effectiveness Suggested revision: value Why it matters: People learn the value of an approach rather than learn its effectiveness.
- 3. Avoid an unintended tone Original: children are forced to learn Suggested revision: children learn Why it matters: Forced introduces an unnecessarily negative meaning into this positive argument.
- 4. Avoid repeated wording Original: training sessions focus on drills that train students Suggested revision: training sessions use drills that teach children Why it matters: The revision removes the repetition of train and keeps the noun consistent with children.
- 5. Tighten the result link Original: and by doing so, they get to experience Suggested revision: thereby allowing them to experience Why it matters: Thereby creates a more concise link between practising strategies and experiencing cooperation.
- 6. Fix the clause pattern Original: good understanding of exactly how Suggested revision: clear understanding that Why it matters: That correctly introduces the proposition that follows, while exactly how does not fit this comparison.
- 7. Avoid an absolute claim Original: then they will not have Suggested revision: they may not have Why it matters: May reflects the stated possible effect more appropriately than the categorical will.
- 8. Name the positive outcome Original: results Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Benefits clearly conveys the positive results described in the essay.
- 9. Clarify the result link Original: which will then inspire and motivate them Suggested revision: thereby inspiring and motivating them Why it matters: Thereby links the motivation directly to experiencing the benefits of teamwork.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: When children are engaged in team sports, whether it be basketball, football, or any other team sport that requires communication between the players, it is essential that they learn how to communicate with one another effectively in order to win the match. Suggested revision: In team sports such as basketball and football, children must communicate effectively with their teammates in order to win. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repeated references to team sports and communication while preserving the point.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This can be achieved through verbal communication, body language, hand signals, or other forms of communication, and by regularly practising the many forms of communication involved in playing team sports, children are improving their ability to cooperate with one another simply through an improved ability to communicate. Suggested revision: By practising verbal communication, body language, and hand signals during team sports, children improve their ability to cooperate with one another. Why it matters: The rewrite removes circular repetition and gives the sentence one clear causal link.
Suggested Rewrites
- will outline several reasons why in the following essay will explain why in this essay
- effectiveness value
- children are forced to learn children learn
- training sessions focus on drills that train students training sessions use drills that teach children
- and by doing so, they get to experience thereby allowing them to experience
- good understanding of exactly how clear understanding that
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it through two logically developed benefits of team sports: improved communication and experience of pursuing shared goals. Its main limitation is repetition, as several sentences restate that children learn to cooperate by working together, while the claim that this is the best method receives little comparative justification. Add a concise comparison with another teaching approach and vary repeated wording to make the argument more incisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent position and develops two relevant reasons, although the superlative claim is only implicitly justified.
Briefly compare team sports with another plausible school method to demonstrate more explicitly why sports are the most effective option.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear progression and focused paragraphing, but repeated explanations of working together make parts of the development feel circular.
Condense repeated cause-and-effect statements and use each supporting sentence to add a distinct mechanism, example, or consequence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is appropriate and generally precise, with some effective topic-specific phrasing, though key words and formulations are repeated heavily.
Vary recurring language through precise alternatives such as coordinate, pursue a shared objective, exchange information, and contribute to a group outcome.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the response contains very few grammatical errors despite some lengthy sentences.
Refine sentence boundaries and reduce unnecessary subordinate clauses so the existing grammatical control produces more concise emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.