It is said that the amount of violence on TV programmes has negative effects on our social development and therefore should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The impact of violence depicted in television programmes on social development is a mattersubject of ongoing concern. I firmly agree thatfirmly concur with the viewpoint that the prevalence of violence on TV has adverse effects and should be reducedwarrants a reduction. This essay will explainexpound on the reasons supporting this stance.
First and foremost, exposure to high levels of violence on television can desensitise individuals, particularly the younger viewersdemographic, to aggression and its consequencesaggressive behaviour and its consequences. Numerous studies indicate a correlationhave indicated a correlation between repeatedprolonged exposure to violent content and an increase in aggressive behaviourtendencies among viewers. For instance, a study conducted by the American Psychological Association identifiedfound a clear link between violent media consumption and aggressive behaviour, especially in children and adolescents. This desensitisation to violence can hinder the development of empathy, conflict resolution skills, and a sense of social responsibility, all of which are crucial for healthy social development.
Furthermore, the proliferation of violent content on television can exacerbate societal issues related to crime and aggression. It can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and normalise violent behaviour as an acceptable means of conflict resolution. This can have a ripple effect on communities, potentially leading to an increase in real-world violence and crime rates. By reducing the portrayal of violence in TV programmes, society can mitigate these negative social repercussions and work towards a more harmonious and empathetic environment.
In conclusion, the reduction of violence in television programmes is essential for fostering healthy social development. By minimising exposure to graphic content, particularly among impressionable audiences, we can contribute to a more compassionate and responsible society. This approach aligns with the broader goal of creating an environment conducive to positive social growth and overall well-being.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a consistently clear position and develops it through relevant explanations of desensitisation and wider social harm, using fluent and precise language throughout. Its main limitation is that the second argument relies more on asserted consequences than detailed evidence. The highest-priority improvement is to substantiate that causal link with a more specific explanation or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, maintains a clear position, and develops two relevant reasons with supporting detail.
Develop the claimed link between televised violence and real-world crime more specifically rather than leaving part of it as an assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly and unobtrusively.
Create an even tighter transition between the individual effects in the first body paragraph and the societal effects in the second.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys abstract ideas naturally, including appropriately controlled topic-specific language.
Reduce slight repetition of terms such as violence, social, and development by varying phrasing where precision is preserved.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with consistently clear and controlled grammar.
Refine sentence rhythm by occasionally shortening densely modified sentences while maintaining the existing grammatical accuracy.