As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Businesses have always sought to make a profit, but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that companies have. I completely agree with the idea that businesses should do more for society than simply make money.
On the one hand, I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in a competitive world. It seems logical that the priority of any company should be to cover its running costs, such as employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On top of these costs, companies also need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a company is unable to pay its bills or meet the changing needs of customers, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant. In other words, a company can only make a positive contribution to society if it is in good financial health.
On the other hand, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximising profit; they have a wider role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees well, rather than exploiting them. For example, they could pay a “living wage” to ensure that workers have a good quality of life. I also like the idea that businesses could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives. Finally, instead of trying to minimise their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that company bosses should be happy to contribute to society through the tax system.
In conclusion, I believe that companies should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise business wording Original: make a profit Suggested revision: generate profits Why it matters: This phrasing is slightly more precise when describing a company's commercial objective.
- 2. Tighten informal phrasing Original: hear people talk about Suggested revision: hear growing discussion of Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same trend more concisely and formally.
- 3. Improve list parallelism Original: employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities Suggested revision: employees’ wages, property costs and utility bills Why it matters: Parallel noun phrases make this list of running costs more compact and balanced.
- 4. Clarify the logical link Original: On top of these costs Suggested revision: Beyond covering these costs Why it matters: This transition links investment more explicitly to the prior need to cover expenses.
- 5. Use natural abstract nouns Original: improvements and innovations Suggested revision: improvement and innovation Why it matters: The singular uncountable forms are more natural for these general business activities.
- 6. Use a concise possessive Original: the changing needs of customers Suggested revision: customers’ changing needs Why it matters: The possessive structure conveys the same relationship more efficiently.
- 7. Use a stronger verb Original: make a positive contribution to society Suggested revision: contribute positively to society Why it matters: The direct verb makes the statement more concise without changing its meaning.
- 8. Use formal direct wording Original: I also like the idea that businesses could use Suggested revision: Businesses could also use Why it matters: Removing the conversational framing produces a more direct academic claim.
- 9. Choose a formal term Original: bosses Suggested revision: leaders Why it matters: Company leaders is more appropriate for the essay's formal register.
- 10. Express willingness precisely Original: happy Suggested revision: willing Why it matters: Willing more accurately describes readiness to meet a social obligation.
Suggested Rewrites
- make a profit generate profits
- hear people talk about hear growing discussion of
- employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities employees’ wages, property costs and utility bills
- On top of these costs Beyond covering these costs
- improvements and innovations improvement and innovation
- the changing needs of customers customers’ changing needs
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and balanced development of why financial viability enables, but should not replace, social responsibility. Its main limitation is that several social contributions are presented as plausible proposals rather than examined in much depth. The highest-priority refinement is to develop one such example more analytically, showing its concrete impact and relationship to the central claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear position and relevant ideas that are extended and supported throughout.
Deepen one social-responsibility example by tracing its practical effect on society to make the support even more analytical.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a purposeful introduction, two well-focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Refine the transition between financial necessity and wider obligations so their complementary relationship is even more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, precise, and natural, including effective topic-specific language about financial health, living wages, and accounting loopholes.
Continue refining collocational precision when describing how businesses allocate profits and contribute through taxation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used flexibly and accurately, with consistently controlled punctuation and sentence formation.
Maintain this high level of control while varying the placement of subordinate clauses to create still greater rhythmic flexibility.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.