You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what experience and special skills you have - tell him/her when you think you can start
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to express my interest in a part-time job position as a team staff at your football club, which you advertised in a local newspaper a couple of days ago. I was born and raised in this town, and I graduated from ACME university about a couple of years ago. Having graduated in Economics, I held one full-time job as an Assistant Manager at a local brokerage firm, and a part-time job at a restaurant. But unfortunately, none of these jobs really went well with my personality. Anyway, I really enjoy football. In the past, as a university student, I was put in charge to co-ordinate inter-university tournaments. Besides, I have also taken a course in Nutrition and Personal Training certification which would allow me to offer some important nutritional and health tips to the footballers of your club. By the way, I have a very outgoing personality, and I can start as soon as you ask me to. Therefore, based on my skills and credentials, I surely like to believe that I would be able to render excellent service to your club as a part-time staff. Yours faithfully, Nuwan Joshua
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant noun Original: part-time job position Suggested revision: part-time position Why it matters: 'Position' already means a job, so using both nouns is redundant.
- 2. Use countable staff term Original: as a team staff Suggested revision: as a staff member Why it matters: An individual is a 'staff member'; 'staff' alone refers collectively to employees.
- 3. Remove duplicate approximation Original: about a couple of years ago Suggested revision: a couple of years ago Why it matters: 'A couple of' already expresses an approximate quantity, making 'about' redundant.
- 4. Use suitable collocation Original: went well with my personality Suggested revision: suited my personality Why it matters: A job can suit a person's character, while 'go well with' is unnatural here.
- 5. Use formal transition Original: Anyway, I really enjoy football Suggested revision: More importantly, I am passionate about football Why it matters: 'Anyway' is too conversational for an application, while the revision links this interest to suitability.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: put in charge to co-ordinate Suggested revision: put in charge of coordinating Why it matters: The phrase 'in charge' takes 'of' followed by a gerund.
- 7. Make qualifications parallel Original: a course in Nutrition and Personal Training certification Suggested revision: a course in nutrition and earned a personal training certification Why it matters: The revision distinguishes completing a course from earning a certification and makes the two qualifications grammatical.
- 8. Use professional transition Original: By the way, I have a very outgoing personality Suggested revision: In addition, I have a very outgoing personality Why it matters: 'By the way' sounds casual and suggests the information is incidental in a formal application.
- 9. Complete staff expression Original: as a part-time staff Suggested revision: as a part-time staff member Why it matters: 'Staff' is collective, so a singular role requires 'staff member'.
- 10. Organise application sections Suggested revision: Separate the letter into short paragraphs for the application purpose, experience and skills, availability, and closing request. Why it matters: The single continuous block makes the three required points harder to identify quickly.
Suggested Rewrites
- part-time job position part-time position
- as a team staff as a staff member
- about a couple of years ago a couple of years ago
- went well with my personality suited my personality
- Anyway, I really enjoy football More importantly, I am passionate about football
- put in charge to co-ordinate put in charge of coordinating
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter addresses every requirement clearly, presenting relevant tournament, nutrition, training, and interpersonal experience and confirming immediate availability. Its strongest feature is the specific evidence of suitability, while the main limitation is professional tone: comments about previous jobs, casual transitions, and several awkward role descriptions weaken the application. Prioritise a concise, positive account of qualifications using natural employment language and clear paragraphing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The applicant is clearly introduced, relevant experience and special skills are developed, and immediate availability is stated, though criticism of previous jobs is unnecessary and slightly unprofessional.
Remove negative comments about earlier employment and connect every background detail directly to suitability for the football-club role.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from application purpose to background, relevant skills, availability, and closing, but limited paragraphing and casual transitions reduce polish.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, qualifications, and availability, replacing 'Anyway' and 'By the way' with direct topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and relevant to employment, sport, and health, but several role descriptions and collocations sound unnatural.
Use phrases such as 'part-time staff member,' 'coordinated tournaments,' 'nutrition and personal-training qualifications,' and 'contribute effectively.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally well controlled, with occasional errors in articles, verb patterns, countability, and phrasing.
Check forms such as 'placed in charge of coordinating' and treat 'staff' as a collective or uncountable noun where appropriate.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what experience and special skills you have
- tell him/her when you think you can start
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.