You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what experience and special skills you have - tell him/her when you think you can start
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Benjamin Thomas, an assistant football coach at the Manchester City Football Club, looking forward to joining your club as a part-time trainer. In response to a local newspaper advertisement, I am offering myself as a deserving and skilled instructor for the post. I have thoroughly read your advert and understand that you need someone to train young and aspiring young people who are already under the supervision of a renowned coach. I, hereby, enclose my professional profile for your kind consideration. From my profile, you will find that under my guidance, the Manchester City Football Club has reached the second-highest ranking in the county league. I had been a footballer all my life and led the Manchester Metropolitan University football team for about 4 years during which our team won the inter-university championship twice. I can start right away as my current schedule allows me to have two spare days a week. I look forward to discussing my candidacy for the announced post at your convenience and I am just a phone call away. Hope to meet you soon. Yours faithfully, Benjamin Thomas
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove club-name article Original: at the Manchester City Football Club Suggested revision: at Manchester City Football Club Why it matters: The article is normally omitted before the full proper name of a football club.
- 2. State application interest Original: looking forward to joining Suggested revision: interested in joining Why it matters: Interested in joining is more appropriate before the applicant has been offered the role.
- 3. Use application verb Original: offering myself as Suggested revision: applying as Why it matters: Applying as is the natural formal expression for seeking a position.
- 4. Use professional description Original: deserving and skilled instructor Suggested revision: qualified football coach Why it matters: The revision is more specific to the advertised role and avoids a self-congratulatory claim.
- 5. Remove repeated young Original: young and aspiring young people Suggested revision: aspiring young players Why it matters: The original repeats young and uses the less specific noun people.
- 6. Streamline role description Original: who are already under the supervision of a renowned coach Suggested revision: under the supervision of a renowned coach Why it matters: Removing the relative clause creates a direct and grammatically cleaner description of the training role.
- 7. Remove misplaced commas Original: I, hereby, enclose Suggested revision: I hereby enclose Why it matters: Hereby is an adverb and should not be isolated by commas.
- 8. Name application document Original: professional profile Suggested revision: CV Why it matters: CV is the standard term for the enclosed employment document in this context.
- 9. Use present perfect Original: I had been a footballer all my life Suggested revision: I have played football throughout my life Why it matters: The experience continues to the present, so the present perfect is required.
- 10. Add sentence subject Original: Hope to meet you soon Suggested revision: I hope to meet you soon Why it matters: A complete formal sentence requires the subject I.
Suggested Rewrites
- at the Manchester City Football Club at Manchester City Football Club
- looking forward to joining interested in joining
- offering myself as applying as
- deserving and skilled instructor qualified football coach
- young and aspiring young people aspiring young players
- who are already under the supervision of a renowned coach under the supervision of a renowned coach
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter fully addresses the application purpose with substantial evidence of coaching and playing experience, and its formal tone is generally persuasive. Its main weakness is presentation: all content is compressed into one paragraph, while several phrases sound inflated or unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the letter by purpose, experience, and availability, then express qualifications in direct professional language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are fully covered, and relevant experience and availability are developed convincingly.
State one or two specific coaching skills more directly instead of relying mainly on achievements to imply suitability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a logical sequence from application to experience, availability, and closing, but the letter lacks paragraph divisions.
Use separate paragraphs for the application purpose, qualifications, and starting arrangements.
Lexical Resource
A broad professional vocabulary supports the application, although some expressions are repetitive or unnatural.
Replace inflated phrases such as offering myself as deserving with concise language such as I wish to apply.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional tense and sentence-fragment errors.
Maintain consistent present-perfect tense for continuing experience and write the closing request as a complete sentence.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what experience and special skills you have
- tell him/her when you think you can start
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.