You want to organise a party in your office to celebrate something. Write a letter to your manager about the party at the office. In your letter: - say what the party is about - mention why it is necessary - explain what you expect from him/her to do
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you about a party in our office that we are planning to organise next Friday afternoon, after office hours.
This party or celebration was long overdue, not only because our company has achieved the “excellence in customer service” reward this year, but also because all of us have worked tirelessly to make this company successful. In fact, some of us have worked so hard over the past few years that we did not even take a holiday for the whole year, barring some sick leaves. So, when they saw the fruits of their labour, they naturally wanted to celebrate their success, and hence the party.
I believe, such a party or celebration is necessary once in a while because it would recognize the efforts and hard work of our dedicated employees which then, in turn, would motivate them to work even harder.
Now, we would request you to attend the party for a few minutes and say a few words on how to take our company even further ahead of its competitors. Your presence would be highly appreciated.
Yours faithfully,
Neil Foster
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use current-time tense Original: party or celebration was long overdue Suggested revision: celebration is long overdue Why it matters: The party is still being planned, so the present tense is required.
- 2. Use award noun Original: reward Suggested revision: award Why it matters: An ‘award’ is a formal prize or recognition, while a ‘reward’ is usually given for a specific action.
- 3. Use uncountable leave Original: barring some sick leaves Suggested revision: apart from periods of sick leave Why it matters: ‘Sick leave’ is normally uncountable, and the replacement expresses the exception naturally.
- 4. Keep pronouns consistent Original: they Suggested revision: we Why it matters: The paragraph begins from the employees’ shared first-person perspective, so ‘we’ should continue it.
- 5. Complete the result clause Original: and hence the party Suggested revision: which is why we are planning the party Why it matters: The original ending is a fragment rather than a complete result clause.
- 6. Remove unnecessary comma Original: I believe, Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: No comma is needed between ‘believe’ and its following content clause.
- 7. Use polite direct request Original: Now, we would request you Suggested revision: We would like to ask you Why it matters: This is a natural and appropriately polite way to address the manager.
- 8. Clarify requested remarks Original: say a few words on how to take our company even further ahead of its competitors Suggested revision: say a few words about how we can move our company further ahead of its competitors Why it matters: The revised phrase states the requested topic naturally and includes the employees in the action.
- 9. Clarify party time Original: next Friday afternoon, after office hours Suggested revision: next Friday after office hours Why it matters: ‘Afternoon’ can conflict with ‘after office hours’, so the direct time phrase is clearer.
- 10. Capitalize award title Original: “excellence in customer service” Suggested revision: “Excellence in Customer Service” Why it matters: The formal name of the award should use title capitalization.
- 11. Condense success phrase Original: worked tirelessly to make this company successful Suggested revision: worked tirelessly for the company’s success Why it matters: The concise possessive phrase preserves the intended praise.
- 12. Keep shared perspective Original: the fruits of their labour Suggested revision: the results of our hard work Why it matters: This maintains the first-person perspective and uses a direct professional expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- party or celebration was long overdue celebration is long overdue
- reward award
- barring some sick leaves apart from periods of sick leave
- they we
- and hence the party which is why we are planning the party
- I believe, I believe
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter addresses every requested point clearly, explains the company achievement and staff effort, and makes a polite, specific request for the manager to attend and speak. Its strongest feature is its purposeful paragraphing and professional tone; the main limitation is occasional imprecise wording and minor tense or reference shifts. The priority is to refine expressions such as 'award' rather than 'reward' and keep time references consistent.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The celebration, its necessity, and the requested managerial contribution are all clearly and appropriately developed in a professional register.
Add one practical detail about the proposed arrangements, such as the venue within the office or expected duration, to make approval easier.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing follows the three communicative purposes, and progression is easy to follow despite some repetition and a brief pronoun shift.
Refer consistently to 'employees' or 'we' rather than shifting to 'they,' and avoid repeating 'party or celebration.'
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and effective for discussing achievement and motivation, with occasional imprecision such as using 'reward' instead of 'award.'
Use precise workplace expressions such as 'customer service award,' 'annual leave,' and 'help the company progress.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures with generally good control, though minor tense, punctuation, and reference errors remain.
Keep the planned event in consistent present or future forms and remove unnecessary commas after introductory subjects such as 'I believe.'
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to organise a party in your office to celebrate something. Write a letter to your manager about the party at the office. In your letter:
- say what the party is about
- mention why it is necessary
- explain what you expect from him/her to do
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.