You want to organise a party in your office to celebrate something. Write a letter to your manager about the party at the office. In your letter: - say what the party is about - mention why it is necessary - explain what you expect from him/her to do
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you about a party in our office that we are planning to organise next Friday after office hoursnext Friday afternoon, after office hours.
This celebration is long overdueparty or celebration was long overdue, not only because our company has achieved the “Excellence in Customer Service”“excellence in customer service” awardreward this year, but also because all of us have worked tirelessly for the company’s successworked tirelessly to make this company successful. DeleteIn fact, some of us have worked so hard over the past few years that we did not even take a holiday for the whole year, apart from periods of sick leavebarring some sick leaves. ThereforeSo, when wethey saw the results of our hard workthe fruits of their labour, they naturally wanted to celebrate their success, which is why we are planning the partyand hence the party.
I believeI believe, such a party or celebration is necessary once in a while because it would recognize the efforts and hard work of our dedicated employees which then, in turn, would motivate them to work even harder.
We would like to ask youNow, we would request you to attend the party for a few minutes and say a few words about how we can move our company further ahead of its competitorssay a few words on how to take our company even further ahead of its competitors. Your presence would be highly appreciated.
Yours faithfully,
Neil Foster
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter addresses every requested point clearly, explains the company achievement and staff effort, and makes a polite, specific request for the manager to attend and speak. Its strongest feature is its purposeful paragraphing and professional tone; the main limitation is occasional imprecise wording and minor tense or reference shifts. The priority is to refine expressions such as 'award' rather than 'reward' and keep time references consistent.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The celebration, its necessity, and the requested managerial contribution are all clearly and appropriately developed in a professional register.
Add one practical detail about the proposed arrangements, such as the venue within the office or expected duration, to make approval easier.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing follows the three communicative purposes, and progression is easy to follow despite some repetition and a brief pronoun shift.
Refer consistently to 'employees' or 'we' rather than shifting to 'they,' and avoid repeating 'party or celebration.'
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and effective for discussing achievement and motivation, with occasional imprecision such as using 'reward' instead of 'award.'
Use precise workplace expressions such as 'customer service award,' 'annual leave,' and 'help the company progress.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures with generally good control, though minor tense, punctuation, and reference errors remain.
Keep the planned event in consistent present or future forms and remove unnecessary commas after introductory subjects such as 'I believe.'