You are interested in applying for a scholarship program to study at a foreign university. Write a letter to inquire about the course. In your letter: - explain which course you are interested in - say what you know about the university - explain why you should receive the scholarship
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to inquire about a scholarship program that your university offers to foreign students. I have already finished my bachelor’s degree in Economics, and now I want to pursue a master’s degree in the same subject. I have already learned quite a lot about your university by reading everything on its website. Needless to say, I like everything about your university which includes very modern and well-equipped classrooms, a universal curriculum, affordable hostel accommodation, and highly qualified and experienced professors and lecturers. However, what I find the most impressive about your university is its very high campus placement rate which is about 75 per cent. I know it is not easy to get a scholarship at your university, but I think that my good grades in bachelor degree (GPA 3.90 out of 4) and a high score in TOEFL (623 out of 677) would make me eligible to receive a scholarship in my subject. I look forward to hearing your response on my eligibility to receive a scholarship at your university. Yours faithfully, Kishor Gupta
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: writing this letter to inquire Suggested revision: writing to inquire Why it matters: The purpose is clearer and more concise without the unnecessary words 'this letter'.
- 2. Use formal study verb Original: already finished Suggested revision: completed Why it matters: 'Completed' is a more precise formal verb for finishing a degree.
- 3. Use formal intention Original: want Suggested revision: wish Why it matters: 'Wish to pursue' gives the application letter a suitably formal tone.
- 4. Avoid overstatement Original: everything on its website Suggested revision: the information on its website Why it matters: The revision avoids the implausibly absolute claim that every item on the website was read.
- 5. Clarify employment measure Original: campus placement rate Suggested revision: graduate employment rate Why it matters: 'Graduate employment rate' communicates this institutional outcome more clearly to an international reader.
- 6. Correct degree phrase Original: good grades in bachelor degree Suggested revision: strong results in my bachelor's degree Why it matters: The qualification needs a possessive form and a determiner in this phrase.
- 7. Use test score collocation Original: a high score in TOEFL Suggested revision: a high TOEFL score Why it matters: The test name normally functions as a modifier before 'score'.
- 8. Correct response structure Original: hearing your response on my eligibility Suggested revision: hearing whether I am eligible Why it matters: The revised clause uses the natural structure after 'hearing'.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Needless to say, I like everything about your university which includes very modern and well-equipped classrooms, a universal curriculum, affordable hostel accommodation, and highly qualified and experienced professors and lecturers. Suggested revision: I am particularly attracted by the university's modern, well-equipped classrooms, comprehensive curriculum, affordable hostel accommodation and highly qualified teaching staff. Why it matters: The rewrite removes an unnecessary opener and fixes the unclear relative clause while preserving the listed attractions.
- 10. Ask course questions Suggested revision: Add a direct request for specific information about the master's course and the scholarship application process. Why it matters: The letter describes the intended course but does not actually ask the university for course or application details.
Suggested Rewrites
- writing this letter to inquire writing to inquire
- already finished completed
- want wish
- everything on its website the information on its website
- campus placement rate graduate employment rate
- good grades in bachelor degree strong results in my bachelor's degree
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter has a clear formal purpose and covers all three requested points with relevant details about the course, university, and academic credentials. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire response is compressed into one paragraph, while some wording is repetitive or slightly unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the purpose, university knowledge, and scholarship case into distinct paragraphs and make the course inquiry more explicit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter clearly states its purpose, identifies the intended degree, describes known university features, and supports the scholarship request with specific qualifications.
Ask one or two direct questions about the course or scholarship arrangements so the inquiry function is fully realised.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a logical sequence and linking is generally clear, but the single-paragraph format weakens the letter's organisation.
Divide the response into short functional paragraphs for the purpose, university knowledge, scholarship case, and closing request.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and suitably formal, with precise items such as 'campus placement rate' and 'eligible', despite repetition and a few awkward collocations.
Replace repeated uses of 'university' and refine imprecise phrases such as 'universal curriculum' with more natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, although a few article, possessive, and preposition errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and dependent prepositions, especially 'my bachelor's degree' and 'a response regarding my eligibility'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are interested in applying for a scholarship program to study at a foreign university. Write a letter to inquire about the course. In your letter:
- explain which course you are interested in
- say what you know about the university
- explain why you should receive the scholarship
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.