A local college wants people with a job to come and talk to students about what it is like to work. You would like to come forward and talk to the students about your job. Write a letter to the principal of the college. In your letter: - explain what you would like to talk about - say why students would be interested in your job - suggest a possible date and time for the talk
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter in response to an advertisement that you recently published in a local newspaper, seeking for job holders to come forward and talk to your students about how it feels to have a job. I think that it is quite an interesting proposition, and I would be more than happy to talk to your students. I would like to talk about the initial challenges that I faced when I started my current job as a physical instructor at a physical training college. After all, the first few weeks at a job can become really overwhelming for anybody. Besides, I would also like to talk about how I learned to keep young and restless people motivated in a tough working environment.
I am sure that your students would be interested in my job since it would allow them to remain healthy, both physically and mentally, without even doing anything extra outside of their regular jobs. I am free the entire day next Friday on 27th of September, and I would be excited and happy to stand in front of your students and share my experience with them. Yours faithfully, John Young
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct work preposition Original: at a job Suggested revision: in a new job Why it matters: The natural phrase is the first few weeks in a new job.
- 2. Write more concisely Original: writing this letter Suggested revision: writing Why it matters: The context already makes clear that this is a letter.
- 3. Fix seek pattern Original: seeking for job holders Suggested revision: seeking employed professionals Why it matters: Seek takes a direct object without for, and employed professionals suits the formal context.
- 4. Use precise verb Original: come forward Suggested revision: volunteer Why it matters: Volunteer expresses the requested action more directly.
- 5. Clarify talk topic Original: about how it feels to have a job Suggested revision: about what working life is like Why it matters: This wording describes the college's topic more naturally.
- 6. Remove extra words Original: initial challenges that I faced Suggested revision: initial challenges I faced Why it matters: That is unnecessary in this defining relative clause.
- 7. Use natural job title Original: physical instructor Suggested revision: fitness instructor Why it matters: Fitness instructor is the more usual title for this role.
- 8. Avoid repeated wording Original: physical training college Suggested revision: fitness training college Why it matters: This removes the awkward repetition of physical while preserving the institution type.
- 9. Link topics to students Suggested revision: After naming the initial challenges and motivation topics, add one brief link explaining how those lessons would help students preparing for work. Why it matters: This would connect the proposed content more directly to the audience's interest.
- 10. Separate purpose and content Suggested revision: End the opening paragraph after accepting the invitation, then place the two proposed talk topics in a new paragraph. Why it matters: This would make the purpose and content easier for the principal to scan.
Suggested Rewrites
- at a job in a new job
- writing this letter writing
- seeking for job holders seeking employed professionals
- come forward volunteer
- about how it feels to have a job about what working life is like
- initial challenges that I faced initial challenges I faced
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter has a clear professional purpose, an appropriately respectful tone, and useful detail about both the proposed talk and the job's appeal. Its main limitation is that the scheduling remains broad: being free for the entire day gives a date but does not propose a definite time. Offer a specific start time and tighten a few awkward phrases, particularly "seeking for job holders."
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose and formal tone are clear, and all three bullet points are developed, although the suggested availability lacks a specific time.
Propose a definite time on 27 September, such as 10 a.m., while retaining the relevant detail about the talk and students' interest.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from its purpose through the proposed content, student appeal, and scheduling, with cohesive links used effectively.
Give the scheduling proposal its own short paragraph so each stage of the message is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A broad, generally precise range conveys professional experience and motivation effectively, with only occasional awkward collocations such as "seeking for job holders."
Use more idiomatic phrases such as "seeking employees" and "what working life is like" while preserving the varied vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few grammatical slips do not impede communication.
Refine localised preposition choices, especially removing "for" after "seeking" and simplifying the date expression.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.