In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
In the past few years, life has become really tough for many people and because of the ever increasing living expenses some people send their children to earn to lessen the load. In some cases, children of fatherless families have no other choice but to start working for a living and supporting the family.
In fact, children going to work has become a very common issue that has been discussed by many human rights organisations. In my opinion, the young children must be brought up to be responsible and be able to face the difficulties of life and hence they should start working from the early ages. I strongly recommend the tradition of working for children who are not intending to participate in academic institutions, those who want to work in trade and business, carpentry, blacksmithing or any other craft-related jobs. It's very useful to be engaged in paid work from the early age as it would increase the skill and experience they need to run a successful business. Imagine that a young child whose parents want him to the run the family business as a blacksmith and send him to school to have a good education, and can’t support the expense, would actually do more harm than good to the children. Eventually, he would become more frustrated and won’t be able to run the business the way he should have been. So why go to school and university if your parents can’t afford it? In my belief, it's less expensive and more effective to learn this craft works from the young age by going to learn and work practically, and that, of course, will give him valuable experience. On the other hand, working from the early age teaches people to become more responsible and practical. We might go against the idea of child labour in first world country but the scenarios in a third world country are completely different. In those countries, there are thousands of families where children are the primary earner. The country can’t ensure the education and living of these families and hence they do not have the right to abolish the early childhood working trends. In conclusion, I am not with the idea of children's work in all the circumstances, but in certain situations as I have illustrated. If the child is looking forward to having a good profession in a large organisation, I don't think that going to early work is a good idea.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct verb Original: earn Suggested revision: work Why it matters: 'Work' directly expresses the intended activity, whereas 'earn' requires an object or complement.
- 2. Keep verbs parallel Original: supporting Suggested revision: support Why it matters: The infinitive 'support' must remain parallel with 'to start working'.
- 3. Remove extra article Original: the young children Suggested revision: young children Why it matters: The general plural reference does not require 'the'.
- 4. Correct age expression Original: they should start working from the early ages Suggested revision: they should start working from an early age Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the singular noun with an indefinite article.
- 5. Clarify who works Original: tradition of working for children Suggested revision: practice of children working Why it matters: The original structure could mean that someone works on behalf of children.
- 6. Use concise verb form Original: who are not intending Suggested revision: who do not intend Why it matters: The simple present is more natural for a settled intention.
- 7. Use correct collocation Original: participate in academic institutions Suggested revision: attend academic institutions Why it matters: People attend institutions rather than participate in them.
- 8. Correct the article Original: the Suggested revision: an Why it matters: A nonspecific age requires the indefinite article 'an'.
- 9. Use plural skills Original: skill Suggested revision: skills Why it matters: The reference is to multiple practical abilities, so 'skills' should be plural.
- 10. Fix comparison structure Original: the way he should have been Suggested revision: as well as he should Why it matters: The original perfect construction cannot modify how the business is run.
- 11. Use natural stance phrase Original: belief Suggested revision: view Why it matters: 'In my view' is the conventional phrase for introducing an opinion.
- 12. Correct noun phrase Original: this craft works Suggested revision: these crafts Why it matters: 'Craft work' is uncountable, while the preceding examples support the plural noun 'crafts'.
Suggested Rewrites
- earn work
- supporting support
- the young children young children
- they should start working from the early ages they should start working from an early age
- tradition of working for children practice of children working
- who are not intending who do not intend
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, nuanced opinion that paid work can be valuable in particular vocational or economic circumstances, and it offers substantial supporting explanation. Its main limitation is uneven organisation and imprecise language, especially in the long central paragraph and the blacksmith example. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into focused paragraphs and express the conditions for acceptable child work more accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer answers the question with a qualified position and develops relevant vocational and economic reasons, though some reasoning is overstated.
Define appropriate ages and safeguards, and examine the risks of paid work so the qualified position is more convincingly supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas generally follow a logical path, but almost the entire argument and conclusion appear in one oversized paragraph with some inaccurate linking.
Create separate paragraphs for vocational experience, economic necessity, and limitations, using each linker only for its exact relationship.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss work, education, and responsibility, but frequent awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as at an early age, vocational training, develop skills, and enter employment consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows a range of sentence forms, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause-control errors weaken accuracy.
Rewrite overloaded sentences, particularly the blacksmith example, into shorter clauses with clear subjects and correct verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.