In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.
Sample Response
Some people think that teenagers need to work while they are students. However, others believe that young people should not combine their education with a job. These two options are controversial ones. In my opinion, they both have disadvantages and advantages. I base my opinion on the following points.
On one hand, a working student has many benefits. First of all, such a student learns how to arrange his time to be able to combine his study time and working schedule. Personally, I think that it is a very important benefit a student can get from this. Second of all, a student learns how to save money and manage his budget. A person gains new experience and knowledge working with the new people. He feels more independent and spends his or her money wisely.
On the other hand, a student who works might not have enough time to meet his or her course requirements. Sometimes it may result in a failure on an exam and that would be a waste of money and time. From my everyday experience and observation, some people require more time to study new materials and prepare for an exam. Others, on the contrary, can easily understand new materials and they need less time. So, my point is that a person should decide for himself whether he will be able to combine his study and his work or not. Another important aspect of getting a job is that a student most likely will have no time for parties, movies and his friends. I think that he or she should understand this fact.
To conclude, I believe that a working experience will give a student more benefits in the future than it takes from him or her in the present.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: controversial ones Suggested revision: a matter of debate Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses disagreement more naturally.
- 2. Use conventional order Original: disadvantages and advantages Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: This order follows the conventional pairing used throughout the discussion.
- 3. Add the article Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The fixed contrastive expression requires the definite article.
- 4. Avoid ambiguity Original: a working student Suggested revision: a student who works Why it matters: Working student can sound ambiguous, while the revision is explicit.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: arrange his time Suggested revision: manage their time Why it matters: Manage time is the natural collocation, and their provides inclusive reference.
- 6. Improve parallel structure Original: combine his study time and working schedule Suggested revision: balance their studies and work schedule Why it matters: The revision coordinates parallel noun phrases and uses a consistent pronoun.
- 7. Tighten the phrase Original: benefit a student can get from this Suggested revision: benefit for a student Why it matters: The shorter phrase removes vague wording without changing the point.
- 8. Use formal sequencing Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: Secondly is the standard formal connector for the next point.
- 9. Keep pronouns consistent Original: manage his budget Suggested revision: manage their budget Why it matters: Their maintains inclusive and consistent reference to a student.
- 10. Fix the modifier Original: working with the new people Suggested revision: by working with new people Why it matters: By clearly introduces the means of gaining experience, and new people takes no article here.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: a failure on an exam Suggested revision: failing an exam Why it matters: Failing an exam is the idiomatic way to express this outcome.
- 12. Use uncountable noun Original: time to study new materials Suggested revision: time to study new material Why it matters: Material is normally uncountable when referring generally to course content.
Suggested Rewrites
- controversial ones a matter of debate
- disadvantages and advantages advantages and disadvantages
- On one hand On the one hand
- a working student a student who works
- arrange his time manage their time
- combine his study time and working schedule balance their studies and work schedule
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response explores both benefits and drawbacks in a logical structure and ultimately gives a clear, relevant judgement in favour of student employment. Its main limitation is that some supporting points remain general and several collocations and pronoun choices are awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to state the qualified position earlier and develop the strongest reason with a more concrete example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a clear final opinion and develops relevant advantages and disadvantages of combining work with study.
State the overall judgement clearly in the introduction and support the central benefit with a more specific real-world example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into contrasting sides, and its main ideas progress clearly through appropriate paragraphing and linking.
Use less formulaic sequencing and make the relationship between the balanced discussion and the final preference more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, although several awkward collocations and repetitive references limit precision and naturalness.
Use more natural phrases such as work experience, meet academic demands, and spend time with friends while varying repeated references to a student.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex structures is generally accurate, with errors in articles and pronoun consistency rarely impeding meaning.
Maintain consistent pronoun reference and review article use in phrases such as working experience and the new people.
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