What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?
Sample Response
It is a fact that every high school student has his/her own different capacity in terms of academic study. Some students might have good results in arts while others might be good at science or mathematics. However, despite the subject that the student likes, there are several factors that will affect to his/her achievements, and the following essay will discuss them in details.
Firstly, it is important for students to get some attention from their parents. Some parents do spend times for discussing the projects at school, share the knowledge and give some advice to their children. Many people do not realise that these kinds of simple activities could influence and motivate children in achieving their best results at school.
Secondly, teachers should not rank some subjects at school. Some teachers believe that subjects such as mathematics or sciences are more superior than arts or physical educations. This kind of attitude should be prohibited at schools, as some students might perform well at sports while others are good at literature. Instead of classifying some subjects, teachers should learn to acknowledge the talent of their students and support them.
Last but not least, high-school students should have a positive mindset. They should focus on studying all subjects that are taught at school, though some of them might not be their favourite subjects. They should understand clearly that all courses will be useful for them in the future. For example, although some students might become professional doctors in the future, it is important for them to study about accounting as well since they have to manage their own financial matters.
In conclusion, there are many factors that affect the academic success of a secondary school student. But in my opinion, the three important factors are the supportive parents, teachers’ fairness and the positive mindset of the student him/herself.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural possession Original: his/her own different capacity Suggested revision: their own academic strengths Why it matters: The original combines an awkward slash pronoun with the redundant phrase ‘own different’.
- 2. Name the context clearly Original: in terms of academic study Suggested revision: in academic subjects Why it matters: The revision identifies the area in which students have different strengths.
- 3. Use the subject name Original: good results in arts Suggested revision: good results in the arts Why it matters: The definite article is conventional when referring to the arts as a field of study.
- 4. Correct the connector Original: despite the subject that the student likes Suggested revision: regardless of the subject a student prefers Why it matters: ‘Despite’ cannot directly introduce this noun clause in the intended concessive meaning.
- 5. Remove the preposition Original: affect to his/her achievements Suggested revision: affect their achievement Why it matters: The transitive verb ‘affect’ takes a direct object, and singular ‘their’ avoids the slash form.
- 6. Use fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed adverbial expression is ‘in detail’.
- 7. Name parental support Original: get some attention from their parents Suggested revision: receive support from their parents Why it matters: ‘Support’ more accurately describes the helpful involvement developed in the paragraph.
- 8. Correct time construction Original: do spend times for discussing Suggested revision: spend time discussing Why it matters: ‘Time’ is uncountable here, and ‘spend time’ takes a gerund.
- 9. Use possessive reference Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner identifies the knowledge that the parents share.
- 10. Correct verb pattern Original: motivate children in achieving Suggested revision: motivate children to achieve Why it matters: The verb ‘motivate’ takes an infinitive complement.
- 11. Clarify the comparison Original: rank some subjects at school Suggested revision: rank school subjects Why it matters: The concise phrase more clearly describes placing subjects in a hierarchy.
- 12. Use uncountable science Original: sciences Suggested revision: science Why it matters: ‘Science’ is uncountable when referring to the school subject generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- his/her own different capacity their own academic strengths
- in terms of academic study in academic subjects
- good results in arts good results in the arts
- despite the subject that the student likes regardless of the subject a student prefers
- affect to his/her achievements affect their achievement
- details detail
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay identifies three relevant factors in academic success—parental support, fair recognition from teachers and students' own mindset—and develops each in a clear paragraph. Its strongest feature is the practical explanation of how adults can motivate or support learners; the main limitation is that some examples and claims, particularly the accounting example, are only loosely connected to measurable success. The priority is to explain each factor through a direct academic outcome.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Three relevant factors are clearly identified and developed, although the claim that every subject is useful and the accounting example only loosely explain academic success.
Show a direct mechanism for each factor, such as parental feedback improving study habits or teacher fairness increasing engagement and achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through three clearly separated factors, with effective paragraphing despite somewhat mechanical sequencing.
Replace formulaic signposts with topic sentences that name the specific factor and its effect on academic performance.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient and sometimes precise, but recurring collocational and countability errors reduce naturalness.
Use forms such as "affect achievement", "spend time discussing", "science subjects", "physical education" and "academic detail".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, though article, preposition, agreement and plural errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns, especially "each student has", "affect achievement" and "parents spend time sharing knowledge".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.