What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?
Sample Response
Annually, a wide range of students in all around the world, graduating from high schools, are excited that how they could achieve their greatest successes by experiencing in academic life. Thus, the remarkable question taking shape in individuals’ mind is that what key factors could lead them to acquire such greatest benefits in universities. It is supposed to be discussed these crucial ingredients in the following paragraphs.
As the most considerable element in the way of finding success in academic life is that the students choose the best field of study, which they are really interested in; Above all, they are talented in that. To put it simply, the more their field matches with their conviction, the more chance they could have to make their future professional life. In this way, the parents and teachers could play a pivotal role in clarifying the students` talents.
Another chief agent in this matter is the quality of university which student apply in. According to a diversity of institutes and universities, it could be important to find an adequate place that offers the student facilities ranging from academics to educational equipment.
As the last point, it should be noted that taking advantage of a suitable situation for studying at home and university alike, could contribute to students concentrate on their subjects and possess opportunities to do widely research in their field.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that graduating from high school and beginning an academic life could be a great honour for both students and their families. However, it would not be achieved the tremendous successes without paying heed to the decisive elements which some of those were briefly stated in the above paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time marker Original: Annually Suggested revision: Every year Why it matters: Every year is the more natural transition for introducing a recurring situation.
- 2. Correct global phrase Original: a wide range of students in all around the world Suggested revision: many students around the world Why it matters: Around the world needs no preceding in all, and many is more natural for people.
- 3. Correct embedded question Original: are excited that how Suggested revision: wonder how Why it matters: An embedded how-clause follows wonder without that.
- 4. Use academic success Original: their greatest successes Suggested revision: academic success Why it matters: Success is normally uncountable here, and academic specifies the intended achievement.
- 5. Correct education phrase Original: by experiencing in academic life Suggested revision: in higher education Why it matters: The original verb-preposition combination is ungrammatical and unclear.
- 6. Use appropriate adjective Original: remarkable Suggested revision: important Why it matters: Important describes the significance of a question more naturally than remarkable.
- 7. Use plural minds Original: individuals’ mind Suggested revision: individuals' minds Why it matters: The plural possessive individuals requires the plural noun minds.
- 8. Remove extra conjunction Original: is that what Suggested revision: is what Why it matters: The embedded question uses what directly without that.
- 9. Use success phrase Original: acquire such greatest benefits Suggested revision: achieve such success Why it matters: Achieve success is the natural collocation, while greatest cannot follow such here.
- 10. Use education preposition Original: in universities Suggested revision: at university Why it matters: At university is the conventional phrase for studying in higher education generally.
- 11. Remove faulty opening Original: As the most considerable element in the way of finding success in academic life is that Suggested revision: The most important factor in academic success is that Why it matters: The revision removes the incomplete as-clause and expresses the factor directly.
- 12. Fix clause and punctuation Original: which they are really interested in; Suggested revision: that genuinely interests them. Why it matters: The defining clause uses that, and a full stop correctly separates the next sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- Annually Every year
- a wide range of students in all around the world many students around the world
- are excited that how wonder how
- their greatest successes academic success
- by experiencing in academic life in higher education
- remarkable important
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its orderly presentation of several potentially relevant factors, including personal interest, educational quality, guidance, and study conditions. Its main limitation is task focus: the discussion repeatedly shifts from success among high-school students to choosing university fields and succeeding at university, while frequent language errors blur several explanations. The highest priority is to reframe every factor around current high-school achievement and support it with a precise school-based example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Several factors are identified and partly explained, but much of the response concerns future university study rather than academic success in high school.
Address the stated group directly by discussing factors such as study habits, teacher support, motivation, attendance, and the home environment during high school.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable introduction, separate factor paragraphs, and a conclusion, though progression within some paragraphs is unclear.
Begin each body paragraph with one high-school factor and follow it with a direct explanation and a specific example.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in education-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and forced formal wording weaken precision.
Use natural expressions such as academic achievement, suitable field of study, research widely, and identify students' talents.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex structures, but errors in sentence construction, articles, agreement, prepositions, and verb patterns occur frequently.
Build complete main clauses first and then add one accurately controlled subordinate clause at a time.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.