Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?
Sample Response
Nowadays, mobile phones can be used to receive business or personal calls anytime. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the positives and negatives of this trend are equal.
On the one hand, being able to take phone calls at any time is extremely beneficial. Mobile phones allow people to handle urgent situations anytime and anywhere, and this benefits not only the individuals but large corporations as well. In terms of businesses, mobile phones help them to be available to customers round the clock via hotlines. As a result, customer service will be improved and with that comes increased profits. Regarding individuals, mobile phones allow quick and easy communication with their families and friends, despite the geographical location. Moreover, even on holidays, emergencies at work can be dealt with swiftly using mobile phones. This is especially advantageous in lines of business that require frequent and prompt problem solving such as show business.
On the other hand, there are undeniable issues with the ability to use mobile phones at all times. First, mobile phones are great distractions which can interfere with lives outside of work. If a person is regularly disturbed by work messages or phone calls, they can never truly enjoy their time off with their friends and family. Moreover, having to answer to problems at work any time will throw a person off their work-life balance as they are always ready to engage in work. In the long term, stress and declined mental health are to be expected.
In conclusion, the advantages of being able to communicate via mobile phones anytime do not eclipse its disadvantages and vice versa. Instead, what people should do is to use their time and phones wisely in order to achieve a work-life balance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete paired structure Original: not only the individuals but large corporations as well Suggested revision: not only individuals but also large corporations Why it matters: The correlative construction requires 'also' before the second coordinated element.
- 2. Use direct phrasing Original: In terms of businesses Suggested revision: For businesses Why it matters: This concise prepositional phrase introduces the business perspective more naturally.
- 3. Clarify the pronoun Original: help them to be available Suggested revision: help businesses remain available Why it matters: Naming the referent removes the potentially unclear pronoun and improves precision.
- 4. Use correct connector Original: despite the geographical location Suggested revision: regardless of geographical location Why it matters: 'Regardless of' correctly expresses that distance does not prevent communication.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: great Suggested revision: major Why it matters: 'Major distractions' is a more natural collocation for significant interruptions.
- 6. Correct verb choice Original: answer Suggested revision: respond Why it matters: People respond to problems rather than answer to them in this meaning.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: throw a person off their work-life balance Suggested revision: disrupt a person's work-life balance Why it matters: 'Disrupt a work-life balance' conveys the intended effect idiomatically.
- 8. Correct word form Original: declined Suggested revision: declining Why it matters: The participle 'declining' describes mental health that is worsening over time.
- 9. Fix pronoun agreement Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The plural noun 'advantages' requires the plural possessive pronoun 'their'.
- 10. Use formal time phrase Original: calls anytime Suggested revision: calls at any time Why it matters: The prepositional phrase is more natural in formal academic writing.
- 11. Use precise terms Original: positives and negatives Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: These terms refer more precisely to the beneficial and harmful effects being compared.
- 12. Use natural preposition Original: on Suggested revision: during Why it matters: 'During' is the more natural preposition for a period such as a holiday.
Suggested Rewrites
- not only the individuals but large corporations as well not only individuals but also large corporations
- In terms of businesses For businesses
- help them to be available help businesses remain available
- despite the geographical location regardless of geographical location
- great major
- answer respond
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, balanced position and supports both sides with relevant workplace and personal examples in a logically organised structure. Its main limitation is that the effects on society are represented mainly through business benefits, while the negative discussion focuses almost entirely on individuals. The highest priority is to develop a distinct societal consequence on each side and relate those consequences directly to the final comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses positive and negative effects with a clear equal-balance position, but coverage of society is narrower and less developed than coverage of individuals.
Develop specific positive and negative consequences for society and use them to justify the comparative conclusion more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective cohesive links.
Strengthen progression within each body paragraph by making the relationship between examples and the individual-versus-society distinction more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, with effective phrases such as round the clock and work-life balance, although several collocations are imprecise.
Replace awkward combinations such as answer to problems and declined mental health with more natural, precise collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex structures is used with generally accurate control, and the few errors do not impede meaning.
Refine preposition, article, and noun-phrase choices in longer sentences to make the expression consistently natural and precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.