Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?
Sample Response
In the present day, an increase in the number of package tours to distant destinations such as mountainous areas mark a new tendency of the tourist industry. Although this development is beneficial to the local residents in terms of economy and living conditions, it can have deleterious effects on the environment and the social security of these areas.
On the one hand, increasing package holidays to remote areas is closely associated with the growth of the economy. For one thing, this new trend in tourism can create more employment in the local areas as the job market for tourist-related services frequently needs human resources. This in turn provides a stable income for local dwellers. What is more, such development in employment rates could be equal to the increase in income tax contributions to the budget of local governments. As a result, local authorities can help raise the living standards of people, starting by having important infrastructure established like the installation of water pipes or construction of hospitals.
On the other hand, the development of package tours to remote areas may act as a detriment to the local environment as well as public security. Firstly, the construction of tourism facilities like hotels can drastically change the landscape of one area, meaning the loss of habitat for local species. Also, massive hordes of tourists scramming to these remote communities may lead to a serious risk of security as the tourists can have disrespectful behavior toward the customs of local people or involve themselves in criminal acts like illegal trafficking.
In sum, despite the advantages the rapid growth in popularity of organized tours to remote destinations could bring about, it is more likely to exert negative influences on these areas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise framing Original: In the present day Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: The shorter time expression is more natural in this context.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: mark Suggested revision: marks Why it matters: The singular subject 'an increase' requires a singular verb.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: new tendency of the tourist industry Suggested revision: new trend in the tourism industry Why it matters: 'Trend in the tourism industry' is the standard expression for this development.
- 4. Add the article Original: in terms of economy Suggested revision: in terms of the economy Why it matters: The specific local economy requires the definite article here.
- 5. Choose the right term Original: social security of these areas Suggested revision: public safety in these areas Why it matters: 'Public safety' expresses protection from crime, whereas 'social security' usually refers to welfare support.
- 6. Fix the noun phrase Original: increasing package holidays to remote areas Suggested revision: the increasing popularity of package tours to remote areas Why it matters: Tours themselves do not increase; their number or popularity does.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: growth of the economy Suggested revision: economic growth Why it matters: The adjective-noun form is more concise and natural.
- 8. Avoid vague repetition Original: local Suggested revision: these Why it matters: The demonstrative clearly refers back to the remote destinations already mentioned.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: frequently needs human resources Suggested revision: regularly requires workers Why it matters: 'Workers' is clearer and more natural than the abstract phrase 'human resources' here.
- 10. Set off the linker Original: This in turn Suggested revision: This, in turn, Why it matters: The linking phrase 'in turn' should be enclosed by commas.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: such development in employment rates Suggested revision: such growth in employment Why it matters: Employment can grow, while an employment rate itself does not 'develop' in this sense.
- 12. Show cause correctly Original: could be equal to Suggested revision: could lead to Why it matters: The intended relationship is causal rather than one of equality.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the present day Today
- mark marks
- new tendency of the tourist industry new trend in the tourism industry
- in terms of economy in terms of the economy
- social security of these areas public safety in these areas
- increasing package holidays to remote areas the increasing popularity of package tours to remote areas
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response establishes a clear comparative position and develops relevant economic, environmental, and community impacts in a logical progression. Its main limitation is imprecise or overstated wording in several places, which weakens otherwise persuasive ideas; the highest-priority improvement is to replace awkward collocations and general claims with more exact explanations of how tourism affects local residents and ecosystems.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses effects on local people and the environment, develops both benefits and harms, and maintains a clear overall negative judgement.
Strengthen the evaluation by explaining more convincingly why the environmental and security harms outweigh the economic gains.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear four-paragraph progression, and cohesive devices make the relationships between ideas easy to follow.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and build smoother connections within the discussion of employment, tax revenue, and infrastructure.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, although several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as new tendency, risk of security, and massive hordes with more natural and measured wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and generally controlled, with occasional agreement and article errors that do not impede meaning.
Check subject-verb agreement and article use, particularly in constructions such as an increase in tours marks a new trend.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.