Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each? Which shopping experience do you prefer?
Sample Response
(In favour of local markets) People have different preferences in term of shopping places and shopping experience. Many people choose to shop from a mall or plaza while others like to buy goods from a traditional market. The following paragraphs outline the benefits of both settings. My preference, however, is a traditional market because I like to bargain price and buy fresh products. For several reasons, some people decide to purchase goods from a large shopping centre. Firstly, shopping in a shopping mall is safer than that of local markets. Malls and plazas are equipped with a surveillance system, while security guards make sure no snatching and robbery take place. Secondly, shopping in a mega-complex is more convenient and comfortable as most shopping malls are equipped with air conditioners that make the temperature soothing. Facilities like a play zone for children, credit card payment, cineplex, food court etc. attract many more customers. However, some people still prefer local markets for various reasons. It is a fact that product prices in a traditional market are comparatively cheaper. Besides, many unique and traditional products are not sold in modern shopping complexes but are available in local markets. For examples, many traditional and handmade crafts are only sold in local markets, and each item is unique because it is a custom made product. Finally, the freshness of fishes, fruits and vegetables in a local market is perhaps the most significant advantage for choosing it over a large shopping centre. In conclusion, it is undeniable that shopping in modern shopping centres and traditional markets have their own positive aspects. I personally like to shop at a local market because I could buy things at a better price and get fresh fruits and vegetables whenever I want.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning label Original: (In favour of local markets) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This parenthetical label reads like a planning note rather than part of the essay.
- 2. Correct shopping preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Shop takes at when naming the place where shopping occurs.
- 3. Use location preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At emphasizes the market as the place of purchase and is more natural here.
- 4. Correct bargaining phrase Original: bargain price Suggested revision: bargain over prices Why it matters: The natural construction is bargain over prices.
- 5. Match plural malls Original: equipped with a surveillance system Suggested revision: equipped with surveillance systems Why it matters: The plural subject malls and plazas requires a general plural reference to their systems.
- 6. Correct nouns and agreement Original: make sure no snatching and robbery take place Suggested revision: ensure that no thefts or robberies take place Why it matters: The revision uses countable nouns that agree with the plural verb phrase.
- 7. Use formal place term Original: shopping in a mega-complex Suggested revision: shopping in a large retail complex Why it matters: Large retail complex is clearer and more formal than mega-complex.
- 8. Use natural temperature phrase Original: air conditioners that make the temperature soothing Suggested revision: air conditioning that maintains a comfortable temperature Why it matters: Comfortable temperature is the natural collocation for an indoor environment.
- 9. Remove unsupported comparison Original: many more customers Suggested revision: many customers Why it matters: More lacks an explicit comparison point in this sentence.
- 10. Avoid double comparison Original: are comparatively cheaper Suggested revision: are generally lower Why it matters: Comparatively and cheaper duplicate the comparative meaning, while prices are naturally described as lower.
- 11. Correct fixed phrase Original: examples Suggested revision: example Why it matters: The discourse marker uses the singular form example.
- 12. Use uncountable fish Original: fishes Suggested revision: fish Why it matters: Fish is the standard plural form when referring collectively to food.
Suggested Rewrites
- (In favour of local markets) Delete
- from at
- from at
- bargain price bargain over prices
- equipped with a surveillance system equipped with surveillance systems
- make sure no snatching and robbery take place ensure that no thefts or robberies take place
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions clearly, presenting several relevant advantages for shopping centres and local markets while maintaining a definite preference for freshness and negotiable prices. Its strongest feature is the balanced range of practical comparisons, but the entire essay appears as one paragraph and recurring language errors reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the two settings into focused paragraphs and correct common shopping-related collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Advantages of both settings are relevant and adequately developed, and the preference for local markets is clear and supported by reasons.
Explain more explicitly why freshness and lower prices outweigh the safety and convenience offered by shopping centres.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move logically from shopping-centre benefits to local-market benefits and the preference, but the lack of paragraph breaks weakens organization.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each shopping setting, and the conclusion, with one controlling comparison in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate vocabulary for facilities, security, products, and prices, but several inaccurate collocations and word forms are noticeable.
Use natural phrases such as bargain over the price, shop at a mall, examples, fresh fish, and custom-made products.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear through a mix of sentence forms, although recurring errors in comparison, agreement, articles, number, and modal tense reduce accuracy.
Check comparative structures and subject-verb agreement, especially when comparing shopping at a mall with shopping at local markets.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each? Which shopping experience do you prefer?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.