You took your young child, who had severe stomach pains, to a hospital Emergency Department. You waited almost four hours before a doctor treated your child and other staff constantly ignored you. Write a letter to the Hospital Registrar. In your letter: - describe the long wait for treatment - explain how the other staff treated you - complain about the service you received
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, Two days ago I took my younger daughter to your hospital due to her sudden and relentless stomach pains but was very disappointed with the service I received. When my daughter needed emergency care, she and I were continually neglected. I am hoping that you would take the necessary actions so that no other patient and their relatives suffer and feel humiliated the way we did. In relation to the specifics of the event, my daughter started complaining about a severe stomachache at around 2:30 pm on 24th June. After waiting for a couple of hours her condition worsened and I rushed to the hospital. I took her to the emergency department at your hospital and due to the negligence of the staff, I had to wait more than 4 hours before a doctor saw and treated her. Though the workers were gossiping, every time I requested them to call a doctor, they told me that they were busy. The type of service I was offered is an example of cruelty and no parent of an ill child deserves it. I have been constantly ignored when my child was crying in pain. This sort of staff in the emergency department of a hospital is not suitable at all. I request you to take this matter sincerely and try to take the required actions against those who are responsible. I hope to get a reply from you regarding the action you have taken. Yours faithfully, Rebecca Smith
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular action Original: take the necessary actions Suggested revision: take the necessary action Why it matters: “Action” is normally uncountable when it means measures taken to solve a problem.
- 2. Correct number agreement Original: no other patient and their relatives Suggested revision: no other patients or their relatives Why it matters: The plural noun and “or” correctly include both patients and accompanying relatives.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: at around Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Use either “at” or “around” with a time rather than combining both.
- 4. Fix dangling modifier Original: After waiting for a couple of hours Suggested revision: After she had been in pain for a couple of hours Why it matters: The revision gives the opening clause a clear subject and preserves the intended timeline.
- 5. Avoid repeated location Original: I took her to the emergency department at your hospital Suggested revision: I took her to your emergency department Why it matters: This concise version removes the repeated reference to the hospital.
- 6. Include the patient Original: I had to wait Suggested revision: we had to wait Why it matters: “We” makes clear that the child awaiting treatment was also affected by the delay.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: service I was offered Suggested revision: service I received Why it matters: People receive a service; “offered” is unnatural for care that was actually provided.
- 8. Match the past event Original: I have been constantly ignored when Suggested revision: I was repeatedly ignored while Why it matters: The simple past matches the completed hospital visit, and “while” links simultaneous events.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: take this matter sincerely Suggested revision: take this matter seriously Why it matters: The fixed expression for giving an issue proper attention is “take this matter seriously”.
- 10. Avoid implied comparison Original: younger daughter Suggested revision: young daughter Why it matters: “Young daughter” directly conveys the child's age without implying a comparison with another daughter.
- 11. Use direct verb forms Original: I am hoping that you would Suggested revision: I hope that you will Why it matters: The present-tense request and future auxiliary make the desired action direct and grammatically consistent.
- 12. Use a concise transition Original: In relation to the specifics of the event Suggested revision: To explain what happened Why it matters: The concise transition introduces the chronology without unnecessary abstract wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- take the necessary actions take the necessary action
- no other patient and their relatives no other patients or their relatives
- at around at
- After waiting for a couple of hours After she had been in pain for a couple of hours
- I took her to the emergency department at your hospital I took her to your emergency department
- I had to wait we had to wait
Why this response received Band 7.5
The complaint is purposeful and convincingly developed, with specific details about the delay, staff behaviour, its effect on the child, and the action requested. Its main limitation is that some exaggerated or unnatural wording and a few tense or agreement lapses reduce precision, while the dense single paragraph impairs readability; the highest-priority improvement is to present the chronology in clear paragraphs using measured, idiomatic formal language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter clearly communicates the complaint, addresses every bullet point with specific details, and requests appropriate action in a generally suitable formal tone.
Use more measured language when criticising the service so that the complaint remains firm but consistently professional.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account progresses logically from the child’s condition through the delay and staff response to the requested remedy, but the body lacks paragraph divisions.
Separate the background, hospital experience, and requested action into paragraphs to make the chronology easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and forceful, but several combinations, including ‘take this matter sincerely’ and ‘this sort of staff’, are unnatural or imprecise.
Choose idiomatic formal phrases such as ‘take this matter seriously’ and ‘such conduct by staff’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with generally good control, although tense consistency and agreement occasionally lapse in the account of the past event.
Maintain past tense throughout the incident narrative and check agreement in phrases referring to patients and staff.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You took your young child, who had severe stomach pains, to a hospital Emergency Department. You waited almost four hours before a doctor treated your child and other staff constantly ignored you. Write a letter to the Hospital Registrar. In your letter:
- describe the long wait for treatment
- explain how the other staff treated you
- complain about the service you received
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.