You have been to a business meeting at another company and saw a piece of equipment which can be useful for your company too. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the piece of equipment you have seen - why having the same equipment would be useful for your company - offer your assistance in buying the equipment
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Duong Nguyen, a junior executive at Curl Business Incorporation, writing to suggest a bookshelf for our office that I have seen in an office in Melbourne, Australia. I had been to the zonal office of Stack IT Ltd last week to attend a meeting. I was quite impressed when I noticed that many employees in that office were reading novels as well as professionally helpful books. The bookshelf was placed in a room where employees often relax and read newspapers. The rack was a large one, at least 7 by 5 feet, and was made of mahogany wood. The bookshelf has a rich collection, accessible to all employees. I feel that we can offer the same facility to our workers and this would be a great way to encourage them to read helpful books. Most of our employees, during their lunch and tea breaks, watch TV or gossip with each other. I believe placing a bookshelf with a rich collection of books would be helpful both for the employees and the authority. I can help you order such a shelf and talk to employees to know their reading preferences. I would really appreciate your kind consideration of having a bookshelf full of books in our office. Yours faithfully, Duong Nguyen
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use consistent tense Original: that I have seen Suggested revision: similar to one I saw Why it matters: The past simple fits the completed visit and makes the reference clearer.
- 2. Use past simple Original: I had been Suggested revision: I went Why it matters: The past perfect is unnecessary because no later past event is being contrasted.
- 3. Name the beneficiary Original: helpful both for the employees and the authority Suggested revision: beneficial to both employees and management Why it matters: Authority is not a natural label for the employer in this context.
- 4. Fix purpose wording Original: talk to employees to know Suggested revision: survey employees about Why it matters: This construction expresses the proposed information-gathering action naturally.
- 5. Address your manager Original: Dear Sir or Madam Suggested revision: Dear Mr or Ms [Surname] Why it matters: A manager should be addressed directly when their name is known.
- 6. Clarify the request Original: writing to suggest a bookshelf Suggested revision: writing to recommend purchasing a bookshelf Why it matters: This wording states the requested action more directly.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: zonal office Suggested revision: regional office Why it matters: This is a more widely natural term for a company office serving an area.
- 8. Choose precise wording Original: professionally helpful books Suggested revision: professional-development books Why it matters: This compact phrase describes books that support employees' work skills.
- 9. Use letter paragraphs Suggested revision: Separate the letter into an opening request, an equipment description, the benefits, the offer of assistance, and a closing. Why it matters: The single block obscures the progression through the three required bullet points.
- 10. Develop buying assistance Suggested revision: Explain more specifically how you would help order the shelf and gather employees' book preferences. Why it matters: The final bullet point is covered but would be more useful with one practical detail about the offered help.
Suggested Rewrites
- that I have seen similar to one I saw
- I had been I went
- helpful both for the employees and the authority beneficial to both employees and management
- talk to employees to know survey employees about
- Dear Sir or Madam Dear Mr or Ms [Surname]
- writing to suggest a bookshelf writing to recommend purchasing a bookshelf
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter presents a clear proposal, describes the bookshelf in useful detail, and explains both its benefits and the writer's willingness to help with the purchase. Its main weakness is presentation: the entire response forms one block, while several expressions are less natural than the otherwise strong language. Dividing the content into purposeful paragraphs and refining awkward collocations would make the recommendation more polished and persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are fully addressed, and the formal tone is consistently appropriate.
Make the purchasing assistance slightly more concrete by specifying how you would compare suppliers, costs, or delivery options.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically from the observed bookshelf to its benefits and the offer of help, but the single-block format weakens organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for the equipment description, the business case, and the practical offer of assistance.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied vocabulary communicates the proposal precisely, although phrases such as professionally helpful books and the authority sound unnatural.
Replace awkward collocations with more idiomatic choices such as professional-development books and both staff and the company.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures is used with generally strong control and only occasional non-impeding lapses.
Check tense consistency and article use when shifting between the bookshelf observed at the other office and the proposed one.