You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: - say why he/she would not enjoy going to college - explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her - suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her
Sample Response
Dear James, Hope you're doing great, and thank you for writing to me. You've asked for my advice regarding the next step you should take - either to join a college or get a job. I'd like to suggest that you should gain some work experience before pursuing higher education. As I personally know you, you'd not enjoy going to college right now because you've always wanted to work and what better time can it be to work than now? I personally feel that getting a job is a better idea for you as it would expose you to the real business world which you can capitalise in your education since you're interested in studying Business Administration. I joined university just after finishing high school and consequently, I couldn’t get any job experience in my field which I often regret. I believe you should not make the same mistake, and instead take the opportunity to gain some valuable skills such as delegating tasks, managing time, meeting deadlines and working in a team. The job experience will enhance your decision-making and presentation skills. Moreover, it'll open doors for better job opportunities in the future. I feel you should work in a large retail shop as a salesperson or perhaps join a small company that serves customers directly. It makes sense as it would be easier for you to find such a job in your city and it would let you understand the business frame closely. I hope my suggestion would help you decide what is best for you. Warm regards, Jeffrey
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add sentence subject Original: Hope you're doing great Suggested revision: I hope you're doing well Why it matters: A complete sentence needs the subject “I,” and “doing well” is the conventional expression.
- 2. Improve list punctuation Original: - either Suggested revision: : either Why it matters: A colon introduces the two alternatives more cleanly than a spaced hyphen.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: join a college Suggested revision: go to college Why it matters: “Go to college” is the natural collocation for beginning higher education.
- 4. Streamline suggest clause Original: suggest that you should gain Suggested revision: suggest that you gain Why it matters: The mandative form after “suggest” is concise and grammatically complete.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: As I personally know you Suggested revision: Knowing you as I do Why it matters: The revision expresses personal knowledge of the friend more naturally.
- 6. Use natural contraction Original: you'd not enjoy Suggested revision: you wouldn't enjoy Why it matters: “Wouldn't” is the standard contraction in this negative construction.
- 7. Fix joined question Original: and what better time can it be to work than now? Suggested revision: . What better time could there be to work than now? Why it matters: The rhetorical question needs its own sentence and the idiomatic existential structure.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: I personally feel Suggested revision: I feel Why it matters: “Personally” is redundant because “I feel” already marks a personal view.
- 9. Use concise term Original: the real business world Suggested revision: the business world Why it matters: “Business world” conveys the intended contrast with education without the unnecessary modifier.
- 10. Fix verb collocation Original: capitalise in your education Suggested revision: apply to your education Why it matters: Experience is “applied to” later education, whereas “capitalise in” is not idiomatic here.
- 11. Use standard collocation Original: The job experience Suggested revision: This work experience Why it matters: “Work experience” is the standard term, and “this” links it to the preceding recommendation.
- 12. Fix preposition choice Original: it'll open doors for better job opportunities Suggested revision: it could open doors to better job opportunities Why it matters: The fixed expression is “open doors to,” and “could” appropriately presents a possible benefit.
Suggested Rewrites
- Hope you're doing great I hope you're doing well
- - either : either
- join a college go to college
- suggest that you should gain suggest that you gain
- As I personally know you Knowing you as I do
- you'd not enjoy you wouldn't enjoy
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives clear, well-supported advice in an appropriately friendly voice, with especially useful explanations of the skills and opportunities work could provide. The reason college would not suit James is less fully developed, and several expressions are awkward or imprecise. Strengthen that first point with specific personal evidence and edit collocations so the otherwise fluent argument sounds consistently natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter maintains an appropriate friendly tone and addresses all three points with clear advice and relevant supporting detail.
Explain more specifically why James personally would not enjoy college instead of relying mainly on his general wish to work.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear sequence from the recommendation through its benefits to suitable jobs, with generally effective linking.
Separate the main points into distinct paragraphs and reduce repeated framing such as personally to sharpen the progression.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of vocabulary supports detailed advice, though phrases such as capitalise in your education and business frame are imprecise.
Refine collocations by using natural alternatives such as apply this experience to your studies and understand how a business operates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Streamline long multi-clause sentences so relationships between ideas remain precise and consistently easy to process.
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