A friend you made while you were studying abroad has written to ask you for help in finding a job in your country. You have heard about a job in a local company that might be suitable for him/her. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: - tell your friend about the job and what sort of work it involves - say why you think the job would be suitable for him/her - explain how to apply for the job
Sample Response
Dear Julian,
I'm so glad to hear from you after such a long period of time since we both graduated from university. From your letter, it sounds like you've been quite busy travelling to some parts of Europe and doing a couple of part-time jobs. Your interest to find a job in Japan is exciting news to me as it would allow us to meet in person whenever we want.
Well, you'd be glad to know that right after receiving your request, I had started to look for an opportunity for you, and I surprisingly found out that there just might be an opportunity for you at a company in my country which is trying to hire some international marketing consultants from abroad, especially, Europe to promote its product in Europe. And given that you have a degree in Marketing Management and excellent communication skills in English, I think that this job would suit you perfectly.
So, please just visit the website of this company called “Mizomi Appliances” and follow the instruction on its “career” page in order to apply for this job.
Best of luck, and I look forward to meeting you soon.
Warm wishes, Nagamoto
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix preposition pattern Original: Your interest to find Suggested revision: Your interest in finding Why it matters: The noun interest takes in followed by a gerund here.
- 2. Use simple past Original: I had started Suggested revision: I started Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate because no later past reference point requires the past perfect.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: follow the instruction Suggested revision: follow the instructions Why it matters: Applying through a careers page normally involves a set of instructions, so the plural is required here.
- 4. Tighten time phrase Original: after such a long period of time Suggested revision: after such a long time Why it matters: This shorter phrase sounds more natural in a friendly letter.
- 5. Reduce repetition Original: since we both graduated from university Suggested revision: since our university graduation Why it matters: This avoids repeating the time relationship already expressed by the preceding phrase.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: travelling to some parts of Europe Suggested revision: travelling around Europe Why it matters: This is a more concise and idiomatic description of the friend's travels.
- 7. Choose precise verb Original: doing a couple of part-time jobs Suggested revision: working in a couple of part-time jobs Why it matters: Working in jobs is more precise than doing jobs in this context.
- 8. Soften friendly tone Original: whenever we want Suggested revision: whenever we like Why it matters: This wording sounds slightly more natural and friendly in a personal letter.
- 9. Prioritize the request Suggested revision: After the greeting, refer to Julian's request for help before discussing his recent travels. Why it matters: Bringing the letter's purpose forward would make the opening more focused.
- 10. Develop job duties Suggested revision: Add one concrete detail about the consultant's regular marketing work in Europe. Why it matters: A specific duty would develop the first bullet point beyond the general aim of promoting products.
Suggested Rewrites
- Your interest to find Your interest in finding
- I had started I started
- follow the instruction follow the instructions
- after such a long period of time after such a long time
- since we both graduated from university since our university graduation
- travelling to some parts of Europe travelling around Europe
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter’s strongest feature is its complete, friendly response: it identifies a suitable marketing role, links it convincingly to Julian’s qualifications, and explains how to apply. Its main limitation is a small cluster of awkward collocations and grammatical choices, especially around interest, past tense, and instructions. Prioritise polishing those phrases and breaking up the long job-description sentence for greater precision and ease.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter fully achieves its purpose by describing the role, matching it to Julian’s qualifications, and giving clear application guidance in an appropriately friendly tone.
Add one specific detail about the consultant’s day-to-day duties to make the job description even more informative.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into purposeful paragraphs and progresses naturally from the personal opening to the opportunity, suitability, and application process.
Divide the long central sentence so the job details and suitability explanation are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for employment and qualifications, though a few collocations are awkward.
Use more natural combinations such as “interest in finding a job” and “follow the instructions” to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled confidently, with only occasional non-impeding errors in tense, articles, and punctuation.
Review tense choice and sentence boundaries, especially replacing the unnecessary past perfect in “I had started” and controlling commas more carefully.
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