Some people believe that the use of mobile phones in public is as annoying as smoking and should be banned, similarly. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
It is often considered by many that the usages of mobile phones in public places should be restricted as smoking has been. I completely agree with the banning of mobile phones in public places, especially where people are working and might get annoyed and interrupted.
Using mobile phones in public places causes several drawbacks, Firstly, it leads to various social problems. In other words, the use of mobile phones in public places causes serious offence. For example, recent researches showed that use of mobile phones while pedestrian crossing is the major cause of accidents in both developing and developed nations. Secondly, the lack of social interaction among individuals could be the consequence of mobile phones over usage in the public places. For instance, people travelling on the same bus become isolated and busy by surfing the internet on the mobile phones which lead to the lackings of communication among travellers.
In addition, there would be a scarcity of enjoyment in sightseeing while travelling. Take an example, if a person travelling by train through the countryside, the use of mobile phone makes them forget enjoy the fascinating places outside the compartment. Finally, talking loudly through mobile phones in public places such as church, mosque result in irritation, distress and disturbance to other individuals as mobile phones could be intrusive.
In conclusion mobile phone usage in public areas should be restricted to the welfare of the society and the citizens because the use of mobile phones in public is annoying as smoking.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: the usages Suggested revision: the use Why it matters: “Use” is uncountable when referring generally to mobile-phone use.
- 2. Clarify comparison Original: restricted as smoking has been Suggested revision: restricted in the same way as smoking Why it matters: The revision forms a complete and natural comparison between the two restrictions.
- 3. Use concise noun Original: the banning Suggested revision: the ban Why it matters: “The ban” is the more direct noun phrase for the proposed restriction.
- 4. Fix sentence boundary Original: causes several drawbacks, Firstly Suggested revision: causes several drawbacks. Firstly Why it matters: A full stop is needed before the capitalized transition “Firstly.”
- 5. Choose accurate noun Original: serious offence Suggested revision: serious disruption Why it matters: “Offence” does not express the practical disturbance described in this paragraph.
- 6. Use uncountable research Original: recent researches Suggested revision: recent research Why it matters: “Research” is normally uncountable when used generally in academic writing.
- 7. Add definite article Original: that use of mobile phones Suggested revision: that the use of mobile phones Why it matters: The noun phrase needs “the” because it refers to the specific activity being discussed.
- 8. Repair time clause Original: while pedestrian crossing Suggested revision: while crossing the road Why it matters: The revision gives the reduced time clause a clear human subject and natural wording.
- 9. Avoid absolute article Original: is the major cause Suggested revision: is a major cause Why it matters: The indefinite article presents the cause without making an unsupported exclusive claim.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the public places Suggested revision: in public places Why it matters: The general plural expression “public places” does not take “the.”
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: busy by surfing Suggested revision: busy surfing Why it matters: The adjective “busy” is followed directly by an -ing form, without “by.”
- 12. Fix reference and agreement Original: the mobile phones which lead Suggested revision: their mobile phones, which leads Why it matters: The possessive clarifies ownership, and the relative clause refers to the singular activity of surfing.
Suggested Rewrites
- the usages the use
- restricted as smoking has been restricted in the same way as smoking
- the banning the ban
- causes several drawbacks, Firstly causes several drawbacks. Firstly
- serious offence serious disruption
- recent researches recent research
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear opinion throughout and uses a straightforward progression from social effects to travel-related disruption. However, several supporting examples are only loosely connected to the proposed ban, and frequent word-form, agreement, and sentence-structure errors reduce precision. The most important improvement is to develop fewer, directly relevant reasons and express them in accurately controlled sentences rather than relying on broad claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The writer presents a clear position and several relevant reasons, but some examples are insufficiently developed or only loosely support a public-use ban.
Select two directly relevant reasons and explain the causal link from public phone use to annoyance and the need for restriction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable paragraph structure and logical sequence, though progression is basic and some connections are imprecise.
Give each body paragraph one clearly framed main idea and ensure every example directly advances that idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common items, but frequent word-form and collocational errors reduce accuracy.
Use common words accurately and correct forms such as research, overuse, lack, and forget to enjoy before attempting more ambitious phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, punctuation, and clause formation weaken control.
Build complete sentences around one main clause and proofread carefully for subject-verb agreement, articles, and infinitive patterns.
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