In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Nowadays, people leaving homes at an early age - is quite in a vogue. Some people consider that staying away from home in young age either to study or for work has more advantages than disadvantages. In my opinion, leaving parents behind and moving apart has many drawbacks than benefits.
Today, the world has become more competitive than before. With the growing advancements and modernization, lust for power, money, better lifestyle has also increased a lot. Young people always try to cope up with this fast moving world. Hence, in search for their desires they move away from parents and home at an early age either to study further or in search for better jobs. I admit that this is essential, as it provides exposure, increases job perspective, better salary, modern lifestyle and so on, but there are disadvantages as well. These are as follows:
First of all, youngsters when they move out, they are totally unaware of the world and its challenges. They initially feel isolated and sometimes feel homesick. This can lead to depression if they don't find a way to get rid of it. For example, a student may find it difficult to stay alone after he/she has stayed with the family for a long time. Secondly, problems of accommodation may arise as moving to a new place and finding a proper room to live is quite a tedious job. At this point of time, people may get frustrated and cannot concentrate on the goal that they have been here to achieve. Lastly, a most common problem that many people face is self-satisfaction. If they find themselves not satisfied, they tend to indulge in activities that are not acceptable to the society. For example, salary and promotion issues compel workers to commit crimes such as theft, robbery etc.
To conclude, for all the above-mentioned points, it is essential for the parents to be with their children to support them, encourage them to move further and above all provide them with love and care. Therefore, in my view, though there are some advantages of leaving homes early but disadvantages are far more than that.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong idiom Original: is quite in a vogue Suggested revision: is quite common Why it matters: "In vogue" means fashionable and does not need "a."
- 2. Article and preposition Original: in young age either Suggested revision: at a young age, either Why it matters: Use "at a young age" and add a comma before "either."
- 3. Comparative form Original: many drawbacks than benefits Suggested revision: more drawbacks than benefits Why it matters: Use "more...than" for comparison.
- 4. Avoid redundancy Original: growing advancements and modernization Suggested revision: rapid modernisation Why it matters: The original phrase repeats a similar idea.
- 5. Parallel nouns Original: lust for power, money, better lifestyle has also increased Suggested revision: the desire for power, money, and a better lifestyle has also increased Why it matters: The list needs articles and parallel structure.
- 6. Wrong phrasal verb Original: cope up with Suggested revision: cope with Why it matters: The verb is "cope with," not "cope up with."
- 7. Unnatural phrase Original: in search for their desires Suggested revision: in pursuit of their goals Why it matters: This is more precise and formal.
- 8. Wrong word Original: job perspective Suggested revision: job prospects Why it matters: "Prospects" means future opportunities.
- 9. Concise phrase Original: At this point of time Suggested revision: At this point Why it matters: The extra words are unnecessary.
- 10. Clear reference Original: the goal that they have been here to achieve Suggested revision: the goal they moved there to achieve Why it matters: "Here" is unclear because the reader is not in that place.
- 11. Article with superlative Original: a most common problem Suggested revision: one of the most common problems Why it matters: This is the correct structure.
- 12. General noun Original: the society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: No article is needed when speaking generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- is quite in a vogue is quite common
- in young age either at a young age, either
- many drawbacks than benefits more drawbacks than benefits
- growing advancements and modernization rapid modernisation
- lust for power, money, better lifestyle has also increased the desire for power, money, and a better lifestyle has also increased
- cope up with cope with
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response clearly argues that leaving home has more disadvantages and gives several relevant reasons. However, some ideas are exaggerated, and the advantages are acknowledged but not developed enough for a balanced comparison.
Develop one clear advantage paragraph before explaining why the disadvantages are stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the sequence is easy to follow. Some transitions are formulaic, and the list of disadvantages could be grouped more logically.
Use topic sentences that name the main category of disadvantage, such as emotional pressure, practical problems, and risky behaviour.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate, but there are frequent unnatural collocations and some informal or imprecise expressions.
Replace memorised phrases with direct academic wording, especially for trends, employment, and social problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar control is mixed: meaning is usually clear, but errors with articles, comparative structures, and clauses occur regularly.
Review comparative forms such as "more drawbacks than benefits" and reduce overly long sentences.