Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
We live in an advanced and globalised world which necessitates that all people must learn a foreign language to cope with the modern trend. The optimum age for learning a new language is a matter of public debate which in my opinion is better to start as early as possible as the advantages of it are far more than the disadvantages. On one hand, the main disadvantages of teaching children another language at primary school are that - firstly, it could affect their ability to learn their mother tongue properly and they might get confused by learning many different languages with different grammar and pronunciation at the same time. Secondly, it could be a waste of their study time which could be spent on learning core subjects such as mathematics, sciences, technology etc. Finally, the learning of foreign language adds more loads on these young kids and takes some of their fun time. On the other hand knowing a foreign language at a young age is easier and need less time than learning at an older age. The children could pick up the pronunciation more easily as they learn it sub-consciously. Also, they learn with no shy and talk freely without any fear of making mistakes. Moreover teaching young children foreign language has a positive impact on their personality as it broadens their horizon and improves their social skills in dealing with foreign people and exposing them a wide range of cultures. Furthermore they will benefit from knowing a foreign language in their upcoming studies and work career as well, and still, they could find learning new language enjoyable for example: use some games and illustration for them as a teaching method. In conclusion, learning, an international language is demanding skill that I think it should be starting at primary school as the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the linker Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The paired linker requires the definite article in this construction.
- 2. Use subject name Original: sciences Suggested revision: science Why it matters: Science is normally uncountable when it names a school subject.
- 3. Add the article Original: the learning of foreign language Suggested revision: learning a foreign language Why it matters: The singular count noun language requires an article here.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: adds more loads Suggested revision: places a greater burden Why it matters: Place a burden is the natural collocation for increased demands on children.
- 5. Punctuate the transition Original: other hand knowing Suggested revision: other hand, knowing Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory linker from the main clause.
- 6. Fix verb agreement Original: is easier and need less time Suggested revision: is easier and takes less time Why it matters: The coordinated verbs must agree with the singular subject phrase.
- 7. Use standard spelling Original: sub-consciously Suggested revision: subconsciously Why it matters: The standard spelling is one word without a hyphen.
- 8. Use the noun form Original: with no shy Suggested revision: without shyness Why it matters: The preposition needs a noun rather than the adjective shy.
- 9. Add an article Original: teaching young children foreign language Suggested revision: teaching young children a foreign language Why it matters: Foreign language is a singular count noun and needs an article.
- 10. Use plural horizons Original: broadens their horizon Suggested revision: broadens their horizons Why it matters: The idiomatic expression uses the plural noun horizons.
- 11. Restore parallel verbs Original: and exposing them Suggested revision: and exposes them Why it matters: The coordinated verb should match broadens and improves in form.
- 12. Add an article Original: learning new language Suggested revision: learning a new language Why it matters: The singular count noun language requires the article a.
Suggested Rewrites
- On one hand On the one hand
- sciences science
- the learning of foreign language learning a foreign language
- adds more loads places a greater burden
- other hand knowing other hand, knowing
- is easier and need less time is easier and takes less time
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear judgement that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and supplies several relevant points on both sides, including confusion, study pressure, easier pronunciation, confidence, and future benefits. Its main weaknesses are list-like development, the absence of paragraphing, and frequent language errors that make some benefits difficult to follow. Develop fewer points more fully, group each side into a paragraph, and simplify inaccurate constructions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A consistent position answers both formulations of the question, and both advantages and disadvantages are relevant, though several ideas remain briefly listed rather than explained.
Select two strongest benefits and drawbacks and explain how each affects children, using one specific classroom example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two sides are signposted and broadly ordered, but the single-block format and mechanical sequencing obscure the essay’s structure.
Use separate introduction, disadvantages, advantages, and conclusion paragraphs with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary and some useful variation, but frequent awkward collocations such as ‘more loads’ and ‘learn with no shy’ reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as ‘an additional workload’, ‘without feeling shy’, and ‘broaden their horizons’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but agreement, article, complementation, and sentence-construction errors are frequent and sometimes impede clarity.
Prioritise complete subject-verb structures and accurate articles, especially in sentences describing the benefits of early learning.
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