Nowadays most students either work to get some work experience or go abroad before their university start. Are these students distinct from others in their university studies?
Sample Response
In today's contemporary world, it has become a reverent activity of fetching a job or to fly overseas to be acquainted with the essential life skills before getting started with their higher education. Indeed, in this case, the students are deliberately let into a situation where in every time they are intrigued with the most required aspects for facing the real world through their experience. However, in another case, they are highly likely to get diverted from a regular study routine and take up a different path which is not careered prospective.
Close examination shows that there are a variety of causes for this study break. Primary reason why students are driven towards work or travel abroad is that they are highly motivated to broaden their horizons. This is because they want themselves to be either equipped to handle challenging issues of work environment like accomplishing tasks in spite of deadlines and poignant pressures or to explore various cultures and people for the betterment of their future. Perhaps as significant as this is the fact that socialising with others has been a major life turning point. For instance, both while working and studying abroad, the persons influencing at that time may act as torch bearers by rendering helping hands not only by giving reference letter but also by showing the career path. This naturally leads them to be more distinctive when revealing their talents in the university.
On the flip side, nevertheless, there is an upraised probability for a novice to get deviated from the strict timely bound studies and course path. There are two main reasons why this break in the studies deters educational progress. Perhaps the most significant of these is that they are entirely packed up with a different mundane and less likely get concentrated in studying further. Another connected reason is that the high pay, which they get on imprints of joyful moments about their travel, makes them less capable of analysing the prospects of getting further educated. This is because they have been earning money or handling more money during the course of breaks. In this way, even if they appear in the university, they are less likely to progress without being imbibed with the value of education.
In a nutshell, though the study off seems to be beneficial by increasing the pragmatic cognizance of students, an insight to this scenario brings out the negative sides like distractions as well. So, to be honest, it depends on students to make maximum use of their acquaintance during the course of break and pursue a highly rewarding course.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: today's contemporary world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: Today's and contemporary repeat the same time meaning.
- 2. Correct word choice Original: reverent activity Suggested revision: common practice Why it matters: Reverent describes deep respect and does not fit the activity described.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: fetching a job Suggested revision: getting a job Why it matters: Getting a job is the standard collocation for obtaining employment.
- 4. Make forms parallel Original: or to fly overseas Suggested revision: or flying overseas Why it matters: The gerund should be parallel with fetching after activity of.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: to be acquainted with the essential life skills Suggested revision: to gain essential life skills Why it matters: People gain skills rather than become acquainted with them.
- 6. Fix passive construction Original: are deliberately let into a situation Suggested revision: enter a situation Why it matters: The original passive construction is unidiomatic and obscures the students' role.
- 7. Fix relative phrase Original: where in every time Suggested revision: in which Why it matters: The original sequence is not a grammatical relative expression.
- 8. Clarify intended meaning Original: intrigued with the most required aspects Suggested revision: exposed to the most important aspects Why it matters: Intrigued with does not express gaining experience of essential features.
- 9. Use contrast marker Original: in another case Suggested revision: on the other hand Why it matters: The sentence contrasts a risk with the preceding benefit rather than introducing another case.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: get diverted from Suggested revision: become distracted from Why it matters: Become distracted from is the natural expression for losing focus on study.
- 11. Correct malformed phrase Original: which is not careered prospective Suggested revision: that is not career-oriented Why it matters: Careered prospective is not a valid adjective phrase.
- 12. Use correct noun Original: causes for this study break Suggested revision: reasons for this study break Why it matters: Reasons, not causes, fits students' motivations for choosing a break.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's contemporary world today's world
- reverent activity common practice
- fetching a job getting a job
- or to fly overseas or flying overseas
- to be acquainted with the essential life skills to gain essential life skills
- are deliberately let into a situation enter a situation
Why this response received Band 6.0
Your response presents both potentially positive and negative effects of taking a break before university, and the overall progression from benefits to risks is recognisable. However, it often shifts toward explaining why students take a break rather than directly comparing their university performance with that of other students, while frequent unnatural wording obscures several claims. Centre each paragraph on a clear comparison and express ideas with simpler, accurately controlled vocabulary and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response considers benefits and risks, but its comparison with other university students is indirect and unevenly developed.
Answer the distinction question explicitly and support each claimed difference with a clear comparison of university performance or behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The benefits-to-drawbacks structure is recognisable, but some digressions and strained linking weaken progression within paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph one comparative claim and connect every supporting sentence directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise expressions and verify collocations instead of using ambitious words whose meanings do not fit the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but recurring errors in clauses, articles and verb patterns reduce clarity.
Build shorter sentences around clear subjects and verbs, then add one accurately controlled subordinate clause at a time.