Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
Nowadays, most people of all age groups, especially young adults, are drawn to video games with the high technology developing year after year. Video game devices such as Play Station Four and Nintendo Wii are popular examples of high-tech devices. Although playing video games can be quite fun, it can also affect the player negatively. I believe that video games withhold cons more than pros.
One of its adverse effects is that it is a waste of time. Playing video games is not much of a problem when limits are present, but most individuals exceed this limit. Some people put down a two-hour time limit for play but sadly end up playing for more hours and are not aware of time. Rather than spending one's time on such games, it is more beneficial to the individual to take the time to read books or even spend time on a favourite hobby, for instance, that will most probably lead it to evolve over the years.
Another reason to support my opinion is that it lessens the human to human contact. Due to the hours taken on video games, the person will not have a normal social life where people speak face to face. A young adult playing, choosing to turn down going to the mall with friends where they will socialise, can be taken as an example. Modern games have many violent and devastating plots and game actions that can psychologically affect the players. The gamers suffer from various health problems and often are less social.
To draw the conclusion, the positive sides of the video games are fewer when compared to the negative sides. Video gaming should be limited to certain hours and the rest of the time wasted should be replaced by socialising and activities that will benefit one’s future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: with the high technology developing Suggested revision: as technology develops Why it matters: This is a clearer and more natural way to express the trend.
- 2. Product name Original: Play Station Four Suggested revision: PlayStation 4 Why it matters: Use the standard product spelling if naming the console.
- 3. Wrong verb Original: withhold cons more than pros Suggested revision: have more cons than pros Why it matters: Withhold does not mean contain or have.
- 4. Reference clarity Original: One of its adverse effects Suggested revision: One adverse effect of video games Why it matters: Repeating the noun improves clarity at the start of a body paragraph.
- 5. Natural wording Original: when limits are present Suggested revision: when limits are set Why it matters: Limits are set, not present, in this context.
- 6. Collocation Original: put down a two-hour time limit Suggested revision: set a two-hour time limit Why it matters: Set a limit is the standard collocation.
- 7. Unclear pronoun Original: lead it to evolve Suggested revision: help that skill develop Why it matters: It does not clearly refer to a hobby or ability.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: lessens the human to human contact Suggested revision: reduces human-to-human contact Why it matters: Reduce is the natural verb and the compound adjective needs hyphens.
- 9. Awkward cause phrase Original: Due to the hours taken on video games Suggested revision: Because of the hours spent on video games Why it matters: Hours are spent on an activity, not taken on it.
- 10. Fragment structure Original: A young adult playing, choosing to turn down going to the mall Suggested revision: A young adult may choose to turn down a trip to the mall Why it matters: The original lacks a controlled main clause.
- 11. Natural wording Original: positive sides of the video games Suggested revision: benefits of video games Why it matters: Benefits is more concise and academic.
- 12. Unclear reference Original: the rest of the time wasted Suggested revision: the remaining free time Why it matters: The current wording is unclear because wasted modifies time ambiguously.
Suggested Rewrites
- with the high technology developing as technology develops
- Play Station Four PlayStation 4
- withhold cons more than pros have more cons than pros
- One of its adverse effects One adverse effect of video games
- when limits are present when limits are set
- put down a two-hour time limit set a two-hour time limit
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion that drawbacks outweigh benefits and develops several negative effects, but the benefits are only briefly acknowledged rather than assessed.
Include one short paragraph explaining the possible educational or entertainment benefits before showing why the drawbacks are stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and progression is generally logical, though some examples are awkwardly attached and the conclusion repeats rather than synthesizes.
Use topic sentences that name each drawback and make examples directly support the paragraph's main point.
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is generally adequate, with some useful phrases, but there are inaccurate collocations and overgeneral expressions.
Use precise wording such as reduce face-to-face interaction, educational benefits, and outweigh the advantages.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses mostly clear sentence structures, but errors with articles, prepositions, and clause construction appear regularly.
Check each complex sentence for the correct subject and object and avoid adding extra phrases after the main clause.