In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Undeniably, space explorations have revolutionised our world since last decades. As Yuri Gagarin stepped on the moon, humans’ lifestyles have changed far considerably. From my view, the benefits humans earned from this section can be greater than the minimal drawbacks.
On the one hand, investment on space projects is less important than other problems humans have. The first one is nourishment of the poor people. Each year, billions of dollars are considered by plenty of developed countries for this sector, while this money can be used in more essential parts, including farming. In particular, in Africa, thousands of people die because of the shortage of food annually; however, had the US government assisted these nations, more humans would have survived. Moreover, instead of focusing on the space voyage, international organisations must have pay attention more on refugees. Each year thousands of humans in the Middle East lose their home and have to leave their country. As a prime example, recently hundreds of thousands of People in Syria fled to Europe, whereas never sending a spacecraft to Mars can be useful to protect them. As a result, humanity has more important issues which must be solved than sending the man to the moon.
On the other hand, I think the benefits gained by space travelling can be far considerable than its marginal drawbacks. The first reason behind it is that it has led other technologies to develop more. Definitely, had not scientists used space navigation technologies in aircraft, passengers would not have reached their destination so fast. For instance, the materials used in the body of new planes are copied from Shuttle, increasing their speed and having more efficient fuel consumption. Furthermore, it will help humans to find another planet for living. Obviously, knowing more about space and other planets will assist scientists to find another option except for Earth because we cannot predict how long our plant will be alive. For this reason, recently scientists in NASA are to send some volunteers to Mars to find out more about its environment and probable choice for living of humans in the future. Without having a thoughtful plan other generations’ safety might become more at risk by some unpredictable natural accidents destroying our globe.
To sum up, although space exploration might be useless compared with other important problem nations have, its benefits should not be forgotten. I personally believe that it has led humans to live in a more modern world, and a safer alternative planet might be found by this development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: space explorations Suggested revision: space exploration Why it matters: Space exploration is normally uncountable when referring to the field in general.
- 2. Fix time expression Original: since last decades Suggested revision: in recent decades Why it matters: The original preposition and determiner do not form a valid expression for this time period.
- 3. Remove double intensifier Original: far considerably Suggested revision: considerably Why it matters: Far and considerably perform the same intensifying function here.
- 4. Use correct expression Original: From my view Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: In my view is the standard prepositional expression for stating an opinion.
- 5. Use present perfect Original: benefits humans earned Suggested revision: benefits humans have gained Why it matters: The present perfect connects benefits accumulated in the past with the present argument.
- 6. Choose precise noun Original: this section Suggested revision: this field Why it matters: Field refers to an area of research, whereas section does not convey that meaning.
- 7. Fix preposition Original: investment on space projects Suggested revision: investment in space projects Why it matters: Investment takes in when naming the activity or sector receiving funds.
- 8. Use natural wording Original: nourishment of the poor people Suggested revision: feeding people in poverty Why it matters: The original nominal phrase is unnatural and labels people unnecessarily.
- 9. Use accurate allocation verb Original: are considered by plenty of developed countries Suggested revision: are allocated by many developed countries Why it matters: Allocated accurately describes governments assigning money to a sector.
- 10. Choose suitable noun Original: more essential parts Suggested revision: more essential areas Why it matters: Areas is the appropriate noun for other priorities such as farming.
- 11. Fix modal verb phrase Original: must have pay attention more on Suggested revision: must pay more attention to Why it matters: A modal takes the base verb, and attention collocates with the preposition to.
- 12. Match plural possessors Original: lose their home Suggested revision: lose their homes Why it matters: The plural group humans normally refers to their separate homes in the plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- space explorations space exploration
- since last decades in recent decades
- far considerably considerably
- From my view In my view
- benefits humans earned benefits humans have gained
- this section this field
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a clear general stance and sustains a substantial discussion of the costs and benefits of space exploration, with logical paragraph-level progression. However, it only partly addresses whether the moon landing changed daily life, and several examples concern competing priorities or future colonisation instead. Focus each main idea on present everyday impact, verify factual claims, and edit recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A position is evident and several relevant benefits and drawbacks are developed, but the discussion only partially targets the question of daily-life impact.
Frame every body paragraph around how space exploration has or has not changed ordinary life, rather than mainly debating spending priorities and future settlement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure and logical progression, although some long body-paragraph sequences rely on repetitive signposting.
Group closely related supporting points more tightly and use fewer mechanical transition phrases within each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations such as investment in, pay more attention to, and viable place to live.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but errors in tense, agreement, articles, and verb forms recur.
Prioritise accurate verb patterns and noun agreement, then check each complex sentence for missing articles and faulty clause structure.