Some people view giving presents as an important way to show care to family and friends, others think there are more important things that can be done to show care and appreciation. Which point of view do you agree with?
Sample Response
Exchanging presents has been a longtime tradition embedded within human history. Although some believe that there are other methods to replace such practice, it is perceivable that giving gifts is still the most influential way to show one's love and care. This statement will be analysed in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples.
Tangible presents can exist eternally and this thus can remind the giver of the gift for a long time. Although actions taken such as sharing meaningful words can be emotionally effective, they are expected to be evanescent as time elapses. Presents, however, can leave one with a solid memory of a particular person and his thoughts. In fact, as is the case with many loyal families' custom, they focus on sending out presents to their loved ones more than doing anything else so that their affinity can be remembered for generations.
Practicality is another distinctive aspect that presents can offer. For example, my grandmother has been suffering from muscular pain for a long time. Although she would appreciate our effort to spend time with her to express our affection, giving her a massage machine could be more efficient. The present would not only show our care but also offer a solution to her lifetime health problem. Hence, it can be demonstrated that presents intensify one's sense of affinity by fulfilling dual purposes; showing one's love and giving what the person is in need of. This then clearly substantiate that gifts contain more meaningful terms than sharing endearment.
In conclusion, the aforementioned ideas evidently encapsulate the two reasons explaining how tangible presents can the most effective way to display someone's love.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: longtime Suggested revision: long-standing Why it matters: Long-standing is the conventional adjective for a tradition that has continued for many years.
- 2. Choose precise phrasing Original: embedded within human history Suggested revision: rooted in human history Why it matters: Rooted in is a more natural collocation for describing a longstanding tradition.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: methods to replace such practice Suggested revision: ways to replace this practice Why it matters: Ways is the natural noun for alternatives, and this practice needs a determiner.
- 4. State the claim directly Original: it is perceivable Suggested revision: it is clear Why it matters: Clear expresses the intended judgement more naturally than perceivable here.
- 5. Use accurate wording Original: most influential way Suggested revision: most effective way Why it matters: Effective describes how well a method communicates care more precisely than influential.
- 6. Avoid overstatement Original: exist eternally Suggested revision: last for many years Why it matters: Last for many years conveys durability without the implausible absolute eternally.
- 7. Remove redundant linking Original: and this thus can Suggested revision: and can therefore Why it matters: This and thus create an awkward double link, while therefore connects the result clearly.
- 8. Correct the participant Original: the giver of the gift Suggested revision: the recipient of the giver Why it matters: The gift normally reminds its recipient of the person who gave it, not the reverse.
- 9. Use inclusive reference Original: his thoughts Suggested revision: their feelings Why it matters: Their agrees with the gender-neutral reference to a person and feelings fits the context of affection.
- 10. Use the right duration Original: lifetime health problem Suggested revision: long-term health problem Why it matters: Long-term describes a continuing condition more naturally than lifetime.
- 11. Introduce the explanation Original: dual purposes; Suggested revision: two purposes: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the two purposes listed after this phrase.
- 12. Make the clause concise Original: what the person is in need of Suggested revision: what the person needs Why it matters: The direct verb needs is clearer and more concise than the wordy phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- longtime long-standing
- embedded within human history rooted in human history
- methods to replace such practice ways to replace this practice
- it is perceivable it is clear
- most influential way most effective way
- exist eternally last for many years
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with two relevant reasons, including a particularly concrete example about a practical gift. Development is sometimes weakened by overgeneralisation and imprecise phrasing, while several grammatical slips reduce polish without obscuring meaning. Prioritise more exact explanations of how each example proves the claim, alongside careful control of collocations and sentence endings.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is consistently supported by two relevant and reasonably developed reasons.
Qualify broad claims and explain more precisely why the examples establish that gifts are more important than other forms of care.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Strengthen links within the first body paragraph so that the family example follows more directly from the point about lasting memories.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary conveys the argument, but several awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace strained expressions with more idiomatic choices, especially when describing memories, affection, and practical benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used successfully, although recurring agreement, article, and missing-word errors remain noticeable.
Proofread clause endings and subject-verb agreement carefully to eliminate errors in otherwise ambitious sentences.