People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
There has been a debate whether or not luck plays a part in success. Some people argued that hard work is the only thing that helps people to succeed, whereas others think that luck also contributes to success. Personally, I agree with the latter.
Hard work is definitely crucial when it comes to success. Without any hard work, it is highly unlikely that someone would succeed. For instance, there might be a good opportunity for someone to establish a cyber-security company given the current demand on that field, but if he is unwilling to work hard on developing the firm, it might not flourish.
In my opinion, success occurs when one is willing to commit to one thing, prepare for the right opportunity to come and snatch it when it arises. Steve Jobs would be a good example of this when he developed iPhones despite the popularity of other non-touch screen phones at the time. Thus, when touchscreen phones were finally in a boom, he was well-prepared and made good use of the opportunity.
Nevertheless, I believe that luck is also needed to be accomplished. This is because one has to be in the right place at the right time. An example of this would be a person who has the ability and perseverance to develop a website similar to Google. While he might work really hard on it, if the person does not have any connection to the technology world, it is unlikely that his website would gain much attention.
In conclusion, I think being hardworking is really important to be successful. Still, luck plays a role where having the right opportunity to the right person is also required for success. I do believe, however, that it is more important to keep working hard rather than simply waiting for luck to approach us.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add preposition Original: There has been a debate whether or not Suggested revision: There has been a debate about whether Why it matters: Debate about whether is the natural structure.
- 2. Tense choice Original: Some people argued Suggested revision: Some people argue Why it matters: Use present simple for a current general debate.
- 3. Verb pattern Original: helps people to succeed Suggested revision: helps people succeed Why it matters: Help is commonly followed by the base verb without to.
- 4. Direct position Original: I agree with the latter Suggested revision: I believe luck also contributes to success Why it matters: Naming the view is clearer than using latter.
- 5. Wrong preposition Original: current demand on that field Suggested revision: current demand in that field Why it matters: Use demand in a field or demand for a service.
- 6. Business collocation Original: developing the firm Suggested revision: building the company Why it matters: Building a company is more natural in this context.
- 7. Clarify sequence Original: commit to one thing, prepare for the right opportunity to come and snatch it Suggested revision: commit to one goal, prepare for opportunities, and seize them Why it matters: The revised list is more parallel and concise.
- 8. Hyphenation Original: non-touch screen phones Suggested revision: non-touch-screen phones Why it matters: The compound adjective needs clearer hyphenation.
- 9. Wrong collocation Original: in a boom Suggested revision: booming Why it matters: A market or technology is booming; it is not in a boom here.
- 10. Incorrect passive Original: luck is also needed to be accomplished Suggested revision: luck is also needed for success to be achieved Why it matters: The original incorrectly suggests that luck is accomplished.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: connection to the technology world Suggested revision: connections in the technology industry Why it matters: This is more precise and idiomatic.
- 12. Unnatural phrase Original: waiting for luck to approach us Suggested revision: waiting for luck to come to us Why it matters: Luck does not usually approach someone in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- There has been a debate whether or not There has been a debate about whether
- Some people argued Some people argue
- helps people to succeed helps people succeed
- I agree with the latter I believe luck also contributes to success
- current demand on that field current demand in that field
- developing the firm building the company
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement with the statement and argues that both hard work and luck matter. The response is relevant and developed, although the luck argument depends on broad examples rather than a deeper explanation of opportunity, timing, and social context.
State more explicitly that the prompt's absolute claim is too strong, then develop one precise example where effort alone is not enough.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organisation is clear, with separate paragraphs for hard work, opportunity, luck, and a balanced conclusion. Progression is logical, but some paragraph links repeat the same idea of opportunity.
Use topic sentences that distinguish preparation, timing, and external support so the argument does not circle around one repeated point.
Lexical Resource
The range is adequate for discussing success, opportunity, and perseverance. Some collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as demand on that field, in a boom, and luck to approach us.
Use natural collocations such as demand in that field, the market was booming, seize an opportunity, and wait for luck to come.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted successfully in many places, but tense consistency, article use, and verb patterns create regular noticeable errors.
Check past tense in general statements about debates and use correct verb patterns after need, contribute to, and opportunity.