People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Many people are successful in life, which can be explained not only by their hard work. In this essay, I am going to consider that luck is as important as the ability to dedicate our time and energy to work.
We must acknowledge that without a deep understanding of what we do and how we do we can hardly achieve positive outcomes. There are millions of employees who do not go beyond their duties, not moving deeper to comprehend that the process is about. Consequently, they see only a visible side of the iceberg. They are quite satisfied being paid a decent salary and having some bonuses. Such people do not look for challenges; they treasure stability and are not ready for changes. They can spend a whole life doing one and the same work, even if it is extremely boring and irritating,
On the other hand, there are absolutely different people who do not only dedicate all their time to work but comprehend all the stages, distinguish the bonds and even make efforts to improve these processes. Needless to say, it takes a lot of time and inner strength. These people are said to be "burning at work", as they cannot imagine their existence without it. The job for them is not only a source of wealth but something they are fond and proud of.
Undoubtedly luck plays an invaluable part in climbing a professional ladder. For example, I worked as a teacher of English in Ukraine. 5 years ago it was my first attempt to take part in the programme "Excellence in Teaching" held by the American Department of Education. Despite all my efforts, I was not able to go further than the semifinal. There were two opposite feelings struggling within- the desire to give up and the enormous intention to win. The most unbearable thing was that I could not figure out where I had made a mistake. The next year I filled in the same application forms and wrote exactly the same essay. To my amazement, I became a winner and was granted a scholarship at George Mason University, Virginia. I doubt it can be explained other factors than the luck.
Overall, hard work cannot be underestimated. But only with luck a person can achieve recognisable success. We all should dedicate ourselves to our jobs and climb new summits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing object Original: how we do we can hardly Suggested revision: how we do it, we can hardly Why it matters: The verb do needs an object, and the clauses need punctuation.
- 2. Question word Original: comprehend that the process is about Suggested revision: comprehend what the process is about Why it matters: Use what for the content of the process.
- 3. Fixed idiom Original: visible side of the iceberg Suggested revision: tip of the iceberg Why it matters: Tip of the iceberg is the standard idiom.
- 4. Sentence ending Original: irritating, Suggested revision: irritating. Why it matters: The paragraph ends with a comma instead of a full stop.
- 5. Unclear collocation Original: distinguish the bonds Suggested revision: understand the connections Why it matters: Distinguish the bonds is unclear in this context.
- 6. More precise noun Original: inner strength Suggested revision: self-discipline Why it matters: Self-discipline fits the work-success argument more precisely.
- 7. Adjective pattern Original: something they are fond and proud of Suggested revision: something they are fond of and proud of Why it matters: Fond requires of.
- 8. Comparison phrase Original: explained other factors than the luck Suggested revision: explained by any factor other than luck Why it matters: The original phrase is grammatically incomplete.
- 9. Direct opening Original: Many people are successful in life, which can be explained not only by their hard work. Suggested revision: Many people become successful not only because of hard work, but also because of luck and timing. Why it matters: This states the disagreement more directly.
- 10. Fix clause control Original: We must acknowledge that without a deep understanding of what we do and how we do we can hardly achieve positive outcomes. Suggested revision: We must acknowledge that without a deep understanding of what we do and how we do it, we can hardly achieve positive outcomes. Why it matters: The sentence needs it after do and a comma before the main clause.
- 11. Connect to success Original: There are millions of employees who do not go beyond their duties, not moving deeper to comprehend that the process is about. Suggested revision: Many employees complete only their basic duties and never try to understand the wider process, so hard work alone may not lead to exceptional success. Why it matters: This links the observation more clearly to the essay question.
- 12. Natural idiom Original: These people are said to be "burning at work", as they cannot imagine their existence without it. Suggested revision: These people are deeply committed to their work and can hardly imagine their lives without it. Why it matters: The original idiom is not natural in English.
Suggested Rewrites
- how we do we can hardly how we do it, we can hardly
- comprehend that the process is about comprehend what the process is about
- visible side of the iceberg tip of the iceberg
- irritating, irritating.
- distinguish the bonds understand the connections
- inner strength self-discipline
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response clearly disagrees with the statement and supports the role of luck with a detailed personal example. Some early body paragraphs spend too long describing hard-working people before directly linking back to success.
Make every body paragraph explicitly answer whether success comes from work, luck, or both.
Coherence and Cohesion
Progression is clear and paragraphing works well. A few links between ideas are implicit, especially between the first two body paragraphs and the final luck example.
Add short topic sentences that label each paragraph's role in the argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and often precise, with some strong phrases. There are a few awkward collocations and one or two informal or unnatural expressions.
Refine collocations such as understand the process, professional ladder, and explained by luck.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of structures, but several errors in clauses, punctuation, and prepositions prevent a higher score.
Proofread longer sentences for missing words and punctuation, especially around relative clauses and contrast phrases.