The cost of international travel is decreasing, and so the trend of international tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries?
Sample Response
This is a true fact to consider that in the present-day world has become a global village and people have chances to travel all over the world due to decreasing the cost of international travel. Considering this, some analysts consider that the rising trend of tourism needs to be implemented in the potential countries. However, there are some pros and cons associated with increasing tourism in the world.
There are some significant advantages of the growing trend of tourism. First and foremost, economic prosperity could be a significant advantage to consider. It is generally seen that a few decades ago only developed countries and rich people had the chance to travel worldwide; however, due to the reduction of cost of air travel majority of middle and lower classes nowadays can afford to travel all over the world or within their own countries for different purposes. As a result, many developing countries can emphasise their tourism and can earn from foreign tourists and that could be higher than in the past. It can be demonstrated by a recent survey in Sri Lanka that has more than 60% of total income received from tourism. Moreover, mitigating unemployment rates could be another merit of tourism as it offers an excellent opportunity for new jobs potential.
Despite, the advantages discussed above regarding rising tourism there are some negative effects which cannot be neglected without any careful consideration. Endangering culture, tradition could be done from the excessive presence of foreign tourists and that could be a detrimental fact. Environmental damages and mixed cultural influences are hard to tackle when tourism in a country flourishes. In the end, undoubtedly, increasing worldwide travels has immense benefits to the society; however, there is a number of drawbacks that should be handled properly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Repair the opening clause Original: This is a true fact to consider that in Suggested revision: It is clear that Why it matters: The original clause leaves the following statement without a grammatical subject.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: people have chances to travel Suggested revision: people have more opportunities to travel Why it matters: Have opportunities to travel is the natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Correct the noun phrase Original: due to decreasing the cost Suggested revision: because of the falling cost Why it matters: Because of must be followed by a noun phrase rather than the awkward gerund construction used here.
- 4. Name the reference Original: Considering this Suggested revision: In response to this trend Why it matters: The replacement identifies the preceding trend more clearly.
- 5. Use a reporting verb Original: some analysts consider Suggested revision: some analysts argue Why it matters: Argue correctly introduces the proposition that follows.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: needs to be implemented Suggested revision: should be developed Why it matters: A tourism trend cannot naturally be implemented, whereas tourism can be developed.
- 7. Clarify the noun phrase Original: the potential countries Suggested revision: countries with tourism potential Why it matters: The revised phrase clearly identifies the type of potential meant.
- 8. Use a precise noun Original: associated with increasing tourism Suggested revision: associated with the growth of tourism Why it matters: The noun phrase describes the wider trend more naturally.
- 9. Correct the preposition Original: reduction of Suggested revision: reduction in Why it matters: Reduction takes in when referring to a decrease in a quantity or cost.
- 10. Add comma and determiner Original: air travel majority Suggested revision: air travel, the majority Why it matters: A comma and the determiner the are needed before the new main clause.
- 11. Use precise group labels Original: middle and lower classes Suggested revision: middle- and lower-income groups Why it matters: The replacement defines the groups by income more precisely.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: can emphasise their tourism Suggested revision: can promote their tourism sectors Why it matters: Countries promote tourism sectors rather than emphasise tourism.
Suggested Rewrites
- This is a true fact to consider that in It is clear that
- people have chances to travel people have more opportunities to travel
- due to decreasing the cost because of the falling cost
- Considering this In response to this trend
- some analysts consider some analysts argue
- needs to be implemented should be developed
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies relevant economic advantages and cultural and environmental disadvantages, and its overall direction remains understandable. However, the treatment is uneven: benefits receive explanation while drawbacks are compressed into brief assertions, and recurring grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each disadvantage in a separate, clearly structured paragraph with a specific explanation or example, while editing sentence construction carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, but the negative effects are only briefly stated and insufficiently developed.
Explain how one cultural and one environmental drawback affects host countries, supporting each with a concrete example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main ideas are broadly organised and progression is apparent, although paragraph balance and some linking are weak.
Separate the disadvantages from the conclusion and use each body paragraph to develop one clearly controlled line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common items, but awkward collocations repeatedly reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as 'new jobs potential', 'implement tourism', and 'damages' with accurate, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning, but recurring errors in clauses, agreement, articles, and punctuation are noticeable.
Edit each complex sentence for a complete clause structure, correct subject-verb agreement, and accurate article and comma use.
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