These days, people work in more than one job and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Sample Response
Nowadays, in many cases, people have to make lots of decisions regarding their career. Some people prefer to work in many places and gain life experiences while others argue that this is not always optimal. Is it really beneficial to be involved in many occupations or is it better to follow your dream path having only the favourite job? In this essay, both advantages and disadvantages of having many jobs will be reviewed and the author's opinion provided.
I will start by analysing the advantages of changing career several times during the lifetime. One of the greatest benefits of having more than one job is that it is easier to earn money. Generally speaking, many students find an occupation so as to be able to become independent from their parents in terms of money. Although they find some trivial jobs, such as being a cleaner, they can become professional specialists after having finished their studies. Another major positive aspect is that people are able to focus on their main job and additionally do something else after their work which might be more interesting. In my experience, I used to work as a software developer for an enterprise and read lectures at a university. It was beneficial due to fact that I earned enough money and it was exciting to share my knowledge with students. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages too - one of them being the inability to concentrate on your career goals. For instance, it can be pretty difficult to devote yourself to the work that is the most important to you because either you may not prioritise your jobs or you lack time. Therefore, noteworthy is the fact that it becomes much harder to acquire the required experience. Another significant drawback of having many jobs is that the life-work balance deteriorates. For example, for many, people feel inferior if they lack qualification in their new occupation. It is quite a frequent situation as it is tough to gain a wide variety of work experience. In conclusion, the pros and cons of having and switching many jobs were described. In my view, the disadvantages outweigh disadvantages and it is suggested that people should work in many places only if they need money or only temporarily due to other causes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun Original: gain life experiences Suggested revision: gain life experience Why it matters: Experience is uncountable in this general sense.
- 2. Question focus Original: follow your dream path Suggested revision: remain in a single career Why it matters: This contrasts the actual options in the task more directly.
- 3. Direct position Original: the author's opinion Suggested revision: my view Why it matters: First-person reference is clearer than distancing the writer as the author.
- 4. Count noun Original: changing career Suggested revision: changing careers Why it matters: Career is countable in this general plural context.
- 5. Inappropriate adjective Original: trivial jobs Suggested revision: entry-level jobs Why it matters: Trivial dismisses the work rather than describing its level.
- 6. Time phrase Original: after their work Suggested revision: after work Why it matters: The fixed expression does not take a possessive determiner.
- 7. Wrong collocation Original: read lectures Suggested revision: gave lectures Why it matters: Lecturers give or deliver lectures.
- 8. Missing article Original: due to fact that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because is concise and avoids the missing the.
- 9. New paragraph needed Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: Retain this transition but start a new paragraph before it.
- 10. Pronoun consistency Original: your career goals Suggested revision: their career goals Why it matters: The essay otherwise discusses people in the third person.
- 11. Awkward inversion Original: Therefore, noteworthy is the fact Suggested revision: Therefore, it is much harder Why it matters: The original inversion is unnatural.
- 12. Fixed collocation Original: life-work balance Suggested revision: work-life balance Why it matters: This is the established order.
Suggested Rewrites
- gain life experiences gain life experience
- follow your dream path remain in a single career
- the author's opinion my view
- changing career changing careers
- trivial jobs entry-level jobs
- after their work after work
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks and supports several points with relevant examples, especially extra income, varied work and reduced concentration. Its central weakness is conceptual focus: holding simultaneous jobs and changing careers are sometimes treated interchangeably, while one disadvantage is poorly explained and the conclusion contains a meaning-changing error. Separate the two phenomena and develop each consequence more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both sides are addressed with a clear opinion and relevant support, but career changes receive less direct attention and some reasoning is underdeveloped.
Distinguish multiple concurrent jobs from repeated career changes and give at least one developed advantage and drawback of each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall progression is logical, but the two body sections are not visibly paragraphed and some transitions and references are awkward.
Create separate advantage and disadvantage paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is reasonably varied, though several collocations and word choices are inaccurate.
Use natural expressions such as give lectures, work-life balance, gain expertise, and temporary work.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with reasonable control, but missing articles, faulty inversion and pronoun shifts recur.
Check articles and maintain consistent third-person reference throughout.