Some people believe that living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory has many advantages while others say that it has many disadvantages. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory. What type of accommodation would you prefer? Why?
Sample Response
[Advantages + Disadvantages + I would prefer to live in the university dormitory.] Living in an apartment as opposed to a university dormitory is a topic that elicits varied opinions. While some argue that apartments offer numerous benefits, others argue that they come with significant drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss both merits and drawbacks of living in an apartment for a student, and provide insights into why I personally prefer the accommodation provided by the university.
One advantage of living in an apartment is the greater sense of privacy and independence it affords. Unlike dormitories where residents often share common spaces and facilities, individuals in apartments have their own private living quarters, allowing them to enjoy solitude and autonomy. For example, they can cook their own meals, entertain guests, and adhere to their own schedules without interference. Another advantage is the potential for a higher standard of living and comfort. Apartments typically offer more space and amenities compared to dormitory rooms, providing residents with a greater degree of comfort and convenience. For instance, apartments may feature larger living areas, private bathrooms, and modern appliances, enhancing the overall quality of life for occupants.
However, it is important to acknowledge the disadvantages of apartment living. Firstly, apartments are generally more expensive than dormitory accommodation, placing a greater financial burden on students. For example, in cities like London or New York, where the cost of living is already high, renting an apartment near the university campus can significantly strain a student's budget, making it challenging to cover other essential expenses such as tuition fees and study materials. Additionally, living off-campus may result in longer commutes to university, leading to increased travel time and expenses.
In conclusion, while living in an apartment offers certain advantages such as privacy and comfort, it also comes with drawbacks such as higher costs and longer commutes. Personally, I would prefer to live in accommodation provided by the university.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning note Original: [Advantages + Disadvantages + I would prefer to live in the university dormitory.] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This bracketed planning note is not part of a polished essay and should be deleted.
- 2. Use simpler contrast Original: as opposed to Suggested revision: rather than Why it matters: This concise alternative expresses the same contrast more naturally.
- 3. Tighten opening phrase Original: a topic that elicits varied opinions Suggested revision: a widely debated topic Why it matters: The replacement is more concise while preserving the meaning.
- 4. Avoid verb repetition Original: others argue that Suggested revision: whereas others contend that Why it matters: This creates a clearer contrast and avoids repeating argue.
- 5. Add paired article Original: both merits and drawbacks Suggested revision: both the merits and the drawbacks Why it matters: Repeated articles make the paired noun phrases more balanced.
- 6. Use general plural Original: for a student Suggested revision: for students Why it matters: The plural form better matches the essay's general discussion.
- 7. State purpose directly Original: provide insights into why Suggested revision: explain why Why it matters: The simpler verb phrase communicates the essay's purpose more directly.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: greater sense of privacy Suggested revision: greater degree of privacy Why it matters: Degree collocates more precisely with the uncountable noun privacy.
- 9. Refine relative clause Original: dormitories where Suggested revision: dormitories, where Why it matters: The comma clearly marks the following clause as a general explanatory comment.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: own private living quarters Suggested revision: private living quarters Why it matters: Private already conveys that the quarters belong to the residents.
- 11. Separate supporting strands Suggested revision: Signal the shift from privacy and independence to space and amenities more explicitly within the paragraph. Why it matters: A clearer internal transition would distinguish the paragraph's two advantages.
- 12. Balance drawback sequence Suggested revision: Give the commuting drawback a transition that distinguishes it from the more fully developed cost point. Why it matters: This would make the progression between the two drawbacks easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Advantages + Disadvantages + I would prefer to live in the university dormitory.] Delete
- as opposed to rather than
- a topic that elicits varied opinions a widely debated topic
- others argue that whereas others contend that
- both merits and drawbacks both the merits and the drawbacks
- for a student for students
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, well-organised discussion of apartment living, with relevant explanations and examples for both benefits and drawbacks. Its main limitation is that the stated preference for university accommodation is not supported with an explicit reason, despite that being a direct part of the task. The highest-priority improvement is to connect the preference to specific advantages of dormitory life or to the apartment drawbacks already discussed.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both sides with well-developed support and states a clear preference, but it does not directly explain why university accommodation is preferred.
Add a specific reason for the final preference and develop it briefly rather than leaving the choice as an unsupported statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the conclusion slightly more integrative by linking the preference explicitly to the preceding discussion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective expressions for privacy, financial pressure, amenities, and commuting.
Refine the few slightly awkward collocations, such as the phrasing around apartment living for students, to achieve consistently natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Continue polishing comparative and modifying structures so that every long sentence remains fully natural and economical.
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