People’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful nowadays and there are many reasons behind this. Many people relate this to technological advancement while others say that high living costs and competitions are the main reasons for this stressful life we have. In your opinion what are the reasons behind this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
The world today is inevitably becoming more and more competitive. To cope with this competitive world, people have to keep pace with it. Therefore, some people think that lives have become more stressful than before. In this essay, the causes behind this and the possible ways to tackle the problem will be discussed in detail.
In today's high-tech world, there is so much to do for people. People are busy and have no time for anything else. This has, however, impacted the lives of many individuals from children to adults, rich to poor. Firstly, children are anxious about facing the world in future. Therefore, to do this effectively they are fighting for the top position in universities and colleges with their counterparts. This, in turn, leads to the stress of achieving the goal in life. Lack of respect and light bonding in the family often contribute to a stressful life for adolescence. Sometimes the drug abuse issue by a family member ruins the peacefulness of the whole family.
On the other hand, adults, who have already acquired knowledge and currently in a job, face the tension of salary to satisfy their needs and fulfil their desires. Job satisfaction and the low income they earn is another factor causing stress. Furthermore, life also becomes stressful for those who are unemployed. Interestingly, people who are rich, well to do and have everything in life, also face problems likely insecurity. This is due to the fact that the crime rate is increasing day by day.
Hence, there can be an endless number of reasons behind this. Nevertheless, these problems could be tackled to some extent by enforcing a few laws and regulations. For example, the government should take strict action against theft and criminals. They should be given acceptable punishment for the crime they commit. Secondly, patrolling should be increased in the areas where the crime rate is high. Moving onto the problems of competition and salaries, jobs should not be provided only on the basis of marks and salaries should be increased to some extent with the extra provision of rewards and incentives. Lastly, the unemployment problem should be dealt with and new job opportunities should be opened up for those unemployed.
To sum up, challenges and problems are part of life. Everyone has to face it someday. According to my opinion, it should be handled bravely and by making a few practical changes so as to overcome the stress caused by it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid Unsupported Intensifier Original: inevitably becoming Suggested revision: becoming Why it matters: Inevitably makes an absolute claim that the sentence does not support.
- 2. Avoid Repeated Wording Original: competitive world Suggested revision: competition Why it matters: Competition avoids repeating competitive immediately after the previous sentence.
- 3. Use Clearer Expression Original: keep pace with it Suggested revision: keep up Why it matters: Keep up expresses the intended response to competition more naturally.
- 4. Use Singular Life Original: lives have become Suggested revision: life has become Why it matters: Life is normally uncountable when referring to people's general experience.
- 5. Fix Word Order Original: there is so much to do for people Suggested revision: people have so much to do Why it matters: The revised word order clearly identifies people as those with many tasks.
- 6. Make Pairing Parallel Original: from children to adults, rich to poor Suggested revision: from children to adults and from rich to poor Why it matters: Repeating from makes the two ranges grammatically parallel.
- 7. Add Definite Article Original: in future Suggested revision: in the future Why it matters: The future is the standard phrase when referring generally to a later time.
- 8. Clarify The Reference Original: to do this effectively Suggested revision: to prepare effectively Why it matters: The original demonstrative has no clear action to which it refers.
- 9. Use Academic Collocation Original: fighting for the top position Suggested revision: competing for top positions Why it matters: Competing for positions is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 10. Use Natural Preposition Original: the stress of achieving the goal in life Suggested revision: stress about achieving their goals in life Why it matters: Stress about is the natural construction and their goals matches the plural subject.
- 11. Correct Collocation Original: light bonding Suggested revision: weak bonds Why it matters: Weak bonds is the natural expression for poor family relationships.
- 12. Fix Subject Agreement Original: often contribute Suggested revision: often contributes Why it matters: The coordinated idea headed by lack is treated as singular here.
Suggested Rewrites
- inevitably becoming becoming
- competitive world competition
- keep pace with it keep up
- lives have become life has become
- there is so much to do for people people have so much to do
- from children to adults, rich to poor from children to adults and from rich to poor
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both causes and solutions and offers a substantial range of relevant points, with a generally clear paragraph structure. However, several ideas are listed rather than fully explained, and some proposed measures are only loosely connected to the principal causes, while recurring grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. The highest priority is to select fewer cause-solution pairs and develop their links explicitly and accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and solutions, but development is uneven and some measures are weakly matched to the causes.
Build two or three explicit cause-solution pairs and explain how each measure would reduce the identified source of stress.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall sequence and appropriate paragraphing, although progression sometimes becomes list-like and connections are not always precise.
Organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use linking phrases to show causal relationships rather than merely add points.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurrent awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as light bonding and problems likely insecurity with established collocations that express the intended meaning exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed, but recurring agreement, clause-completion, article, and sentence-structure errors remain noticeable.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause and ensure subjects and verbs agree before adding subordinate detail.