Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Sample Response
Everybody desires to be happy in life and interestingly the requirements to be cheerful vary from person to person. This is the main reason why defining happiness is not that easy. However, there are some common things that are regarded important to be delighted in life. Defining happiness is quite challenging because the requirements to achieve it is not fixed. While someone dreams that his economic freedom would make him happy, a very rich man dreams about having a caring family to be happy. Similarly, a couple who do not have any child think about having a baby all the time and would be ready to do anything for that. On the contrary, many poor families, mostly in poor countries, find more children to be their burden. The practical world is quite puzzling and the humankind wants more than they have. When a person’s aim or expectation is fulfilled, he wants more and this is a never ending process. This is why happiness is not a simple word that we can describe with a neat and precise definition. However, there are some vital factors that are commonly regarded as the main ingredients to be happy in life. First of all, physical and psychological soundness is very important to be happy and people can truly realise that when they get sick. Economic freedom - ability to fulfil the needs in life, is the second most important factor to be happy, in my opinion. It is often said that being happy with an empty stomach is not possible. Thirdly, having a happy family where members love each other and care for them is considered important to be in peace in life. It is usually rare to find a happy person who does not have a pleasant family. Individual freedom is also considered a great influence to be happy in life. Someone without personal freedom cannot feel the happiness. Most importantly, being contented in life is the key to being happy. If someone can be contented with whatever little he has, he will be happy in life. In conclusion, though there is no easy and precise definition of happiness, common attributes like sound health, caring family, freedom and personal contentment are regarded to be key ingredients to be happy in life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Comma after adverb Original: interestingly the requirements Suggested revision: interestingly, the requirements Why it matters: A comma improves readability after the introductory adverb.
- 2. Missing as Original: regarded important Suggested revision: regarded as important Why it matters: Regarded is normally followed by as.
- 3. Agreement Original: the requirements to achieve it is not fixed Suggested revision: the requirements to achieve it are not fixed Why it matters: The plural subject requirements needs are.
- 4. Clearer term Original: economic freedom Suggested revision: financial freedom Why it matters: Financial freedom is more natural for personal wealth.
- 5. Natural plural Original: do not have any child Suggested revision: do not have any children Why it matters: Use the plural noun after any in this context.
- 6. No article Original: the humankind Suggested revision: humankind Why it matters: Humankind is not normally used with the article the.
- 7. Hyphenation Original: never ending process Suggested revision: never-ending process Why it matters: The compound adjective needs a hyphen before the noun.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: physical and psychological soundness Suggested revision: physical and psychological health Why it matters: Health is more natural than soundness here.
- 9. Dash and article Original: Economic freedom - ability Suggested revision: Financial freedom, the ability Why it matters: This fixes punctuation and article use.
- 10. Natural phrase Original: in peace in life Suggested revision: at peace in life Why it matters: At peace is the standard expression.
- 11. Preposition Original: a great influence to be happy Suggested revision: a great influence on happiness Why it matters: Influence is usually followed by on.
- 12. Unneeded article Original: feel the happiness Suggested revision: feel happiness Why it matters: The abstract noun does not need the article here.
Suggested Rewrites
- interestingly the requirements interestingly, the requirements
- regarded important regarded as important
- the requirements to achieve it is not fixed the requirements to achieve it are not fixed
- economic freedom financial freedom
- do not have any child do not have any children
- the humankind humankind
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers both questions clearly, explaining why happiness is difficult to define and identifying several common factors. Ideas are well developed, though the list of factors becomes broad and could be prioritised more sharply.
Group the factors into two or three categories, such as health, relationships, and contentment, and explain which are most important.
Coherence and Cohesion
Progression is clear, but the whole essay is presented as a single paragraph. Within the paragraph, linking is mostly logical, though the long list of factors would benefit from clearer organisation.
Use paragraph breaks after the definition discussion and before the factors discussion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and relevant, with phrases such as economic freedom, psychological soundness, personal contentment, and key ingredients. Some collocations are slightly awkward.
Refine repeated be happy in life phrases and use more natural expressions such as emotional wellbeing and financial security.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted and meaning is clear throughout. Errors with agreement, articles, hyphenation, and some noun phrases occur but are not usually serious.
Proofread subject-verb agreement in abstract noun phrases and add articles before singular countable nouns.