As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
Sample Response
It is believed most of the adults’ lives are spent in their workplace, therefore many people think that job satisfaction is an essential matter for them. There are various factors that affect job satisfaction and the following essay will discuss in details about some of the factors, and whether the factors are realistic or not.
There are some points that influence job satisfaction. Firstly, many employees believe that they are satisfied with their careers since the tasks are in accordance with their passions. They think that the work that they are currently doing is aligned with their talents and they are performing well. Secondly, some employees believe that they would be satisfied with their jobs if they are paid with the expected compensation and benefits. They are being realistic that salary is also a trigger to their work performance. And lastly but not least, a lot of people believe that a conducive working environment would also affect job satisfaction.
Some people are idealistic persons and they are willing to work hard in the task that is in accordance with their talent. This kind of thought is realistic since working is not just being paid, but it should also be meaningful and satisfying. As for the compensation and benefit, it is a fact that human kinds are never satisfied with their salary and total earnings. The idea that employees would be satisfied with their jobs if they are paid high is just not realistic. Salary would only satisfy them for a certain amount of time and after that, they will ask for more. And as for the conducive working environment, it would be difficult to find the ideal environment. Every workplace has its owned unique culture and style; therefore the workers should adapt and adjust themselves to the working environment.
In conclusion, it is true that adults are spending a lot of their time at work, therefore jobs satisfaction is an important thing. There are several factors that contribute to job satisfaction, but some are realistic while others are just not.
[ Essay by - Darwin Lesmana]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: most of the adults’ lives Suggested revision: most adults' lives Why it matters: The general plural phrase is more natural without the.
- 2. Comma splice Original: therefore many people think Suggested revision: therefore, many people think Why it matters: A connector between clauses needs punctuation or a new sentence.
- 3. Natural wording Original: an essential matter for them Suggested revision: an important issue for them Why it matters: Important issue is more natural than essential matter in this context.
- 4. Fixed phrase Original: discuss in details Suggested revision: discuss in detail Why it matters: In detail is the correct fixed expression.
- 5. More precise noun Original: some points that influence Suggested revision: several factors that influence Why it matters: Factors fits the topic of job satisfaction better than points.
- 6. Singular idea Original: the tasks are in accordance with their passions Suggested revision: the tasks match their passion Why it matters: The revised phrase is shorter and more idiomatic.
- 7. Wrong collocation Original: salary is also a trigger Suggested revision: salary is also a driver Why it matters: Driver or motivator is more appropriate than trigger for work performance.
- 8. Formal transition Original: And lastly but not least Suggested revision: Lastly Why it matters: Avoid starting a formal IELTS sentence with And in this listing phrase.
- 9. Plural noun Original: idealistic persons Suggested revision: idealistic people Why it matters: People is the natural plural noun here.
- 10. Wrong word form Original: human kinds Suggested revision: human beings Why it matters: Human kinds is not a standard expression.
- 11. Word form Original: its owned unique culture Suggested revision: it has its own unique culture Why it matters: Own is the correct form after its.
- 12. Noun phrase Original: jobs satisfaction Suggested revision: job satisfaction Why it matters: The compound noun should be singular before satisfaction.
Suggested Rewrites
- most of the adults’ lives most adults' lives
- therefore many people think therefore, many people think
- an essential matter for them an important issue for them
- discuss in details discuss in detail
- some points that influence several factors that influence
- the tasks are in accordance with their passions the tasks match their passion
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both parts of the question and gives relevant factors such as passion, pay, and work environment. The discussion of realism is present but sometimes simplified, especially around salary and workplace culture.
Develop the realism part with more nuanced reasons, such as economic conditions, management quality, and individual expectations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Progression is generally logical, but several transitions are formulaic and some ideas are grouped more by listing than by argument development.
Use topic sentences that preview the argument of each paragraph and make the links between factors and realism clearer.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, with some useful phrases such as conducive working environment and compensation and benefits. Repetition, word form errors, and unnatural collocations reduce precision.
Replace repeated forms of satisfied and factor with more precise language, and check common collocations around work, pay, and benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, and meaning is mostly clear. However, article use, plural forms, prepositions, and sentence boundaries are frequent weaknesses.
Proofread for plural nouns, articles, and comma splices before adding more complex phrasing.