Some practical skills such as money management should be taught in high school. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and real life examples.
Sample Response
High School is the high time when teenagers put their first step towards independence. If they can be educated with practical skills, it will help them enormously in facing real world challenges. Practical skills like money management can assist them in better management of their life. Some people may argue that practical skills are best learnt in real life rather than the classroom.
Teenagers get fixed allowance from their parents and some do part-time jobs to fund their expenditures. Although they do not possess large sums of money, any thug can cheat them easily. For instance, many teenagers take loans to fulfil their illegal activities like drinking, drugs and smoking. They end up owing huge sums to loan sharks, without sensing the troubles ahead. If they learn practical skills like money management, they can wisely take control of their life and stay out of troubles.
Some people believe practical skills cannot be taught in classrooms. As the name suggests, it can be best learnt by dealing with life. For example, if money management and risk management are taught in class, there is no guarantee that pupil can get success in life. He can be too risk averse and avoid excellent tools of money making like Share trading, betting and even government bonds. If we look at successful people like Ambanis, they did not learn practical skills in the classroom, but in real life. Highly educated Charted Accounts, engineers and clerks work under their leadership.
In conclusion, teaching practical skills can alert and educate teenagers to combat the real life nuisances. However, a few things can be best learnt by experience and most successful people gained expertise by experimenting.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use sentence-case school Original: High School Suggested revision: High school Why it matters: The common noun “high school” should not capitalise both words here.
- 2. Use natural time phrase Original: is the high time Suggested revision: is a crucial time Why it matters: “The high time” does not fit this description of an important life stage.
- 3. Use step collocation Original: put their first step towards independence Suggested revision: take their first step towards independence Why it matters: The standard collocation is “take a step,” not “put a step.”
- 4. Use teach construction Original: educated with practical skills Suggested revision: taught practical skills Why it matters: Students are taught skills rather than educated with them.
- 5. Use direct management verb Original: assist them in better management of their life Suggested revision: help them manage their lives better Why it matters: The revision removes an awkward nominal phrase and matches the plural learners.
- 6. Add allowance article Original: get fixed allowance Suggested revision: receive a fixed allowance Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article, and “receive” is more precise.
- 7. Use natural expense phrase Original: fund their expenditures Suggested revision: cover their expenses Why it matters: “Cover expenses” is the standard collocation for paying living costs.
- 8. Use formal risk wording Original: any thug can cheat them easily Suggested revision: they can easily be cheated Why it matters: The revision preserves the stated vulnerability without the informal label “thug.”
- 9. Correct activity collocation Original: fulfil their illegal activities like Suggested revision: fund activities such as Why it matters: Money can fund activities, whereas activities cannot be “fulfilled.”
- 10. Use natural awareness phrase Original: without sensing the troubles ahead Suggested revision: without recognising the problems ahead Why it matters: The revision expresses failure to anticipate future problems naturally.
- 11. Match plural learners Original: take control of their life Suggested revision: take control of their lives Why it matters: The plural pronoun “they” requires the distributive plural “lives.”
- 12. Use uncountable trouble Original: stay out of troubles Suggested revision: stay out of trouble Why it matters: The fixed expression uses uncountable “trouble.”
Suggested Rewrites
- High School High school
- is the high time is a crucial time
- put their first step towards independence take their first step towards independence
- educated with practical skills taught practical skills
- assist them in better management of their life help them manage their lives better
- get fixed allowance receive a fixed allowance
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay considers both classroom teaching and experiential learning, and its examples show an effort to connect money management with real-life decisions. Its main limitation is an insufficiently explicit overall position, compounded by questionable examples such as betting and loan-funded illegal activity and by frequent imprecise phrasing. Prioritise stating a clear degree of agreement, then support it with credible examples of budgeting, saving, credit, and debt.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses relevant benefits and limitations of classroom instruction, but its degree of agreement remains implicit and several examples provide weak or questionable support.
State a clear qualified position in the introduction and use realistic examples showing how school lessons improve budgeting or borrowing decisions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the essay clear overall progression, although the counterargument dominates and some pronoun references are imprecise.
Balance the two body paragraphs and use explicit nouns instead of shifting between 'skills', 'it', 'pupil', and 'he'.
Lexical Resource
The essay has adequate range for finance and education, but collocations such as 'put their first step', 'get success', and 'tools of money making' are inaccurate.
Prefer natural expressions such as 'take their first step', 'succeed in life', and 'ways to build wealth'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the main ideas, but article, agreement, number, and reference errors occur frequently.
Check plural noun phrases and pronoun agreement, using forms such as 'a fixed allowance', 'pupils can succeed', and 'skills are best learned'.
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