Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The topic of whether boys and girls should be taught in mixed schools has been a contentious issue ever since the initiation of women’s rights movements. Some argue that the practice of teaching boys and girls in the same school should be upheld, while others refute this. Both sides of this debate will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
In one camp, it is believed that educating boys and girls in a co-education system reaps numerous bounties. For example, most women rights activists contend that instructing males and females together enhances the understanding between the two genders. This equips members of both genders with the necessary skills which can later be transferred into their personal lives, and as result enjoy a higher degree of matrimonial bliss. Thus, it is clear why many people support the idea of co-education.
On the other hand, many consider the practice of educating girls and boys separately is best. For example, Saudi Arabia is often mocked for its conservative culture. Despite this, Saudi Arabia has one of the lowest rape and sexual assault rates in the world. One of the reasons cited for this is the segregation on the basis of gender in the educational institutes. When looking at this side of the debate, the benefits that are derived from separate schools for girls and boys can be seen.
Although both sides of this argument have indisputable virtues, it is felt that practice of educating male and female pupils in the same school is much more of a positive development than negative. Therefore, it is hoped that the trend of co-education schools will continue to be the norm the world over into the foreseeable future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wordy framing Original: The topic of whether Suggested revision: Whether Why it matters: The direct clause is more concise and preserves the original meaning.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: ever since the initiation of Suggested revision: since the beginning of Why it matters: This is a more natural way to refer to the start of a movement.
- 3. Generalise the reference Original: the practice of teaching boys and girls in the same school Suggested revision: teaching boys and girls in the same schools Why it matters: The plural form better expresses a general educational practice.
- 4. Choose precise verb Original: should be upheld Suggested revision: should continue Why it matters: Continue expresses maintaining this educational practice more directly.
- 5. Fix verb choice Original: refute this Suggested revision: oppose this view Why it matters: People oppose a view, whereas refute normally means proving a claim false.
- 6. Use adjectival form Original: a co-education system Suggested revision: a co-educational system Why it matters: Co-educational is the appropriate adjective modifying system.
- 7. Fix collocation Original: reaps numerous bounties Suggested revision: offers numerous benefits Why it matters: Offers benefits is the natural collocation in this context.
- 8. Add possessive form Original: women rights activists Suggested revision: women’s rights activists Why it matters: The possessive form women’s is required in this established phrase.
- 9. Keep terms consistent Original: instructing males and females together Suggested revision: educating boys and girls together Why it matters: This wording matches the educational context and the essay’s established terms.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: enhances the understanding between Suggested revision: improves understanding between Why it matters: The revision is more idiomatic without changing the claim.
- 11. Fix complement pattern Original: many consider the practice of educating girls and boys separately is best Suggested revision: many consider educating girls and boys separately to be best Why it matters: Consider requires an object followed by a to-infinitive in this construction.
- 12. Use standard term Original: educational institutes Suggested revision: educational institutions Why it matters: Educational institutions is the more conventional term for schools and similar bodies.
Suggested Rewrites
- The topic of whether Whether
- ever since the initiation of since the beginning of
- the practice of teaching boys and girls in the same school teaching boys and girls in the same schools
- should be upheld should continue
- refute this oppose this view
- a co-education system a co-educational system
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both educational models, maintains a clear preference for mixed schooling, and organises the discussion into an easy-to-follow progression. Its main limitation is that each view rests on a single broad claim, with the link between school segregation and sexual-assault rates especially insufficiently substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument with more precise reasoning and credible, directly relevant support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference is clear, but the supporting arguments are somewhat generalised and unevenly substantiated.
Develop each side through a clearer causal explanation and use evidence that directly demonstrates educational benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Use less formulaic transitions and make the internal progression of each body paragraph more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, although several ambitious collocations sound imprecise or unnatural.
Prioritise accurate natural combinations such as 'coeducational system' and 'greater mutual understanding' over ornate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, despite several article, complement, and coordination errors.
Check complex sentences for complete grammatical relationships, especially after reporting verbs and around coordinated clauses.