Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others however disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
We all know that the higher the position, the greater the responsibilitieshigher the position, greater are the responsibilities and risks associated with itrisk associated. Decision-making positions such as Prime Minister, Defence Minister, head of defenceDefence Head, Chairman of Central Bank etc. are all associated with huge responsibilities and risks. A person in one of these positions should be mature and wise enough to make important decisions. Some peopleThere are few people who believe that young people should not be allowed to take responsibilities of these positions, while others feel convincedcontended that age cannot be a constraining factor for such positions. In this essay, we will discuss both of these two points of view and then present a balanced opinionwell-critiqued opinion. Firstly, many people believe that young people are aggressive, impatient and less experienced. They can make a wrong decision which can prove fatalwhich can be proved fatal for everyone. For example, it is often found thatthe young people easily get carried away and try to resolve the issue with violence. On the other hand, a mature personOn the other hand mature person often adopt a peaceful way to solve the matter. Thus considering the implication of the decision taken at a prime position it is considered thatis considered that young people are not suitable for these positions. They also think that without sufficient experience and capability of handling stress, those positions can’t be heldserved. Another point which is often prescribed by this group is that young people are sometimes driven by their emotion which is unsuitable for a responsible position. On the other hand, many others feel that young people are more energetic, have fresh thinking and new ideasfresh thinking and idea and they can drastically improve the nation’s position. For instance, Akbar was just 12 years old when he was sworn in as kingsworn as a king and was considered as one of the best emperors of Mughal era. The above example and qualities do lead us to establish a link between young people and the growth of a nation. Thus, young people are considered a good choice for top positions. The young owners of successful IT businesses also prove their ability to handle top positions like these. In the last 10 years, the world has witnessed many successful leaders and entrepreneurs that reduce doubtseliminate any doubt we have regarding the ability of young people. Following the above discussion, it is felt that younger people are quite capable of handling the responsibility associated with a top position. However, to eliminate any risk we should allow young people to nurture under the guidance of experienced people for some time.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s clearest strength is that it presents both perspectives and reaches a relevant, qualified position supported by several examples. Its impact is reduced by broad generalisations, some weakly matched evidence, and the absence of paragraph breaks, while awkward phrasing and long sentences occasionally blur otherwise clear meaning. Prioritise a clearly stated position from the introduction, organise each viewpoint into its own paragraph, and support each with one precise government-focused example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a clear final opinion that young people can handle responsibility with guidance. The arguments are relevant and developed with examples, although some examples are broad and the discussion sometimes overgeneralises young people and older leaders.
Make the opinion explicit in the introduction and use one precise government-related example for each side.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas is logical, but the essay is presented as one long paragraph, which weakens organisation. Cohesive links such as firstly, on the other hand, and following the above discussion help progression, but paragraphing is needed.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, the argument against young leaders, the argument for young leaders, and your opinion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate and sometimes flexible, with decision-making positions, responsibilities, mature, constraining factor, energetic, entrepreneurs, and nurture. There are several unnatural or inaccurate phrases, including feel contended, well-critiqued opinion, served, and fresh thinking and idea.
Replace awkward collocations with natural phrases such as feel convinced, balanced opinion, hold these positions, and fresh ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a range of sentence structures, and meaning is usually clear. Errors occur with articles, comparative structures, agreement, passive forms, and clause construction, especially in longer sentences.
Check article use before singular countable nouns and avoid very long sentences with several embedded clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others however disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.