Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Education is the fundamental building block for children’s development. However, the growth of students is very much dependent on the way of coaching. Some prefer educating students at home while others think it is necessary for children to attend schools. In this essay, I will analyse both viewpoints before reaching a reasonable conclusion.
There are groups of people who consider homeschooling has many benefits for child’s growth. For instance, a student studying at home can get personal attention from parents which result in good academic results. Furthermore, parents are aware of their child’s weakness and can help him to cope with difficulties. Thus, it can be said that children can learn their subjects at the pace in which they are comfortable and this can help them to excel in studies.
On the other hand, many consider schools as the required element in student growth. Educational institutions, for example, concentrate on teaching moral values like tolerance and sharing along with studies. Moreover, they are encouraged to perform tasks in a team, enabling them to learn teamwork and not to dishearten by failure. Therefore, chances of suffering from depression are reduced to a greater extent in case he doesn’t get what he desired in the real world.
From above, it can be seen that both the viewpoints have their own merits. However, I tend to believe that in order to sustain in the actual world, students should be motivated to get educated in institutions rather than learning alone at home. It is thus hoped that the government will enforce strict laws for attendance in school compulsory.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Academic term Original: way of coaching Suggested revision: method of education Why it matters: Coaching is too narrow for the general topic.
- 2. Institutional singular Original: attend schools Suggested revision: attend school Why it matters: School is normally singular when referring to the institution generally.
- 3. Missing that Original: consider homeschooling has Suggested revision: consider that homeschooling has Why it matters: Consider needs a that-clause here.
- 4. Missing article Original: for child’s growth Suggested revision: for a child's growth Why it matters: The singular countable noun requires an article.
- 5. Agreement and comma Original: from parents which result Suggested revision: from parents, which results Why it matters: The relative clause needs a comma and singular verb.
- 6. Use plural generally Original: their child’s weakness Suggested revision: their child's weaknesses Why it matters: Children may have more than one area of difficulty.
- 7. Inclusive reference Original: help him Suggested revision: help the child Why it matters: This avoids an unnecessary gender shift.
- 8. Correct collocation Original: at the pace in which Suggested revision: at a pace at which Why it matters: At a pace at which is the standard form.
- 9. Natural noun phrase Original: schools as the required element Suggested revision: schooling as an essential element Why it matters: The revised phrase is grammatical and more precise.
- 10. Clear contrast Original: along with studies Suggested revision: alongside academic subjects Why it matters: This names the academic component precisely.
- 11. Clear referent Original: they are encouraged Suggested revision: students are encouraged Why it matters: They could refer to institutions rather than students.
- 12. Missing passive verb Original: not to dishearten by failure Suggested revision: not to be disheartened by failure Why it matters: The passive construction requires be and the participle.
Suggested Rewrites
- way of coaching method of education
- attend schools attend school
- consider homeschooling has consider that homeschooling has
- for child’s growth for a child's growth
- from parents which result from parents, which results
- their child’s weakness their child's weaknesses
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay discusses relevant advantages of both homeschooling and school education and gives a clear preference for attending school. Its ideas are logically organised, but development is sometimes general or implausible, especially the link between teamwork, failure, and depression, while grammatical errors recur. Strengthen each advantage with a realistic explanation and example, and proofread agreement, articles, pronouns, and verb patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both methods and an opinion are covered, but some supporting logic is limited and the final policy recommendation is not required or developed.
Explain one distinctive developmental benefit of each method with a concrete example, then justify the preferred balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and logical progression make the response easy to follow, though some referencing is vague and one causal link is abrupt.
Use explicit nouns instead of shifting pronouns and ensure each therefore follows evidence that truly supports it.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but several collocations and word choices are unnatural, including way of coaching, sustain in, and actual world.
Use education-specific collocations such as teaching method, individual attention, social skills, and function in the wider world.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is attempted, but agreement, articles, possessives, pronouns, and infinitive forms show frequent errors.
Check singular subjects and use parallel plural references when discussing children generally.