Nowadays, many people like to spend their free time and meet others in large shopping malls. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Sample Response
Gone are the days when shopping malls were purely for shopping activities. However, with the emergence of modern shopping centres, the trend has shifted, and many people like to spend their free time and socialise in shopping malls. This has both advantages and disadvantages that this essay will deal with.
To begin with the negative aspects of spending leisure time in a shopping complex - it makes people lethargic and forces them to avoid outdoor activities. For instance, people who meet others in a park, swimming pool or playground get involved in group activities which is a good way of doing different physical exercises. But, when people meet friends in a shopping mall, they either eat fast food or watch a movie - both of which lack physical movements. On top of that, those people usually avoid outdoor activities as they prefer air-conditioned indoors more.
Among the advantages, most modern cities, especially those in populous countries, hardly have parks, swimming complexes, or playgrounds. This is why people can meet others at a shopping complex, and it helps them remain social rather than spending too much time online. For instance, whenever a few of my friends from university plan for a get-together, a nice shopping complex in our city comes to our mind because it makes the gathering and experience enjoyable.
To conclude, the old notion of a shopping centre - just for buying and selling products - is no longer applicable in modern days since our expectations, lifestyles, and the availability of outdoor amenities have changed a great deal. And this trend has both merits and demertis.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: purely for shopping activities Suggested revision: used solely for shopping Why it matters: The replacement expresses the former purpose directly without the abstract noun "activities."
- 2. Remove false contrast Original: However, with the emergence Suggested revision: With the emergence Why it matters: The sentence develops the change introduced previously rather than contradicting it, so "However" is unnecessary.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: like to spend their free time Suggested revision: choose to spend their leisure time Why it matters: The replacement states the voluntary activity more directly and varies the repeated wording from the task.
- 4. Condense the signpost Original: advantages and disadvantages that this essay will deal with Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages, discussed below Why it matters: The shorter phrase retains the essay's forward signposting without an informal phrasal verb.
- 5. Fix the contrast opener Original: But, when Suggested revision: However, when Why it matters: A comma should not separate "but" from its clause, while "However" correctly introduces the contrasting sentence.
- 6. Use natural movement phrase Original: both of which lack physical movements Suggested revision: both of which involve little physical movement Why it matters: Activities involve movement, and "movement" is uncountable when referring to physical activity generally.
- 7. Use formal addition Original: On top of that Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: The replacement adds the related disadvantage in a more appropriate academic register.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: those people Suggested revision: these mall visitors Why it matters: The specific noun phrase identifies which people the sentence is describing.
- 9. Fix comparison and noun Original: prefer air-conditioned indoors more Suggested revision: prefer air-conditioned indoor spaces Why it matters: "Indoors" is an adverb, and "prefer" already expresses a comparison without "more."
- 10. Introduce one advantage Original: Among the advantages, Suggested revision: One advantage is that Why it matters: The replacement gives the sentence a complete opening that leads directly into the stated lack of amenities.
- 11. State scarcity clearly Original: hardly have Suggested revision: have very few Why it matters: The replacement makes the limited availability of the listed facilities explicit.
- 12. Use direct result linker Original: This is why Suggested revision: Therefore, Why it matters: The linking adverb directly marks the opportunity to meet at malls as a result of limited alternatives.
Suggested Rewrites
- purely for shopping activities used solely for shopping
- However, with the emergence With the emergence
- like to spend their free time choose to spend their leisure time
- advantages and disadvantages that this essay will deal with advantages and disadvantages, discussed below
- But, when However, when
- both of which lack physical movements both of which involve little physical movement
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay is well organised and addresses both sides with a clear contrast between physical inactivity in malls and the social value of malls where public amenities are scarce. Its main limitation is depth and precision: each side rests on a single main idea, the conclusion adds no synthesis, and several phrases are awkward or inaccurate. Add one further consequence for each side, then conclude by summarising the central trade-off in natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are directly addressed with relevant explanation and examples, although each side is developed through only one principal line of reasoning.
Add another distinct disadvantage, such as impulsive spending, and another advantage, such as convenience or safety, with brief support.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear four-paragraph structure guides the reader from the topic through disadvantages and advantages to a conclusion, with generally effective cohesion.
Make the conclusion synthesise the physical-health and social-access trade-off instead of merely repeating that both merits and drawbacks exist.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for leisure, exercise, socialising, and urban amenities, but several collocations are awkward and "demertis" is misspelled.
Use natural phrases such as "involves little physical activity," "prefer air-conditioned spaces," and "comes to mind," and correct "demerits."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is used with generally good control, though occasional agreement, punctuation, and comparison errors remain.
Correct forms such as "group activities, which are a good way to exercise" and avoid unnecessary commas after coordinating conjunctions.
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