Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Sample Response
Electronic transactions are gradually replacing the traditional banking system, and the use of banknotes is being supplanted by credit and debit cards. The transformation toward a cashless society might be slow, but steady and widespread. This paradigm shift has both positive and negative aspects, and this essay deals with both of them.
One major advantage of the use of plastic money is that they are more convenient and are processed on the go. People neither have to carry a bulk amount of cash nor write a check - which usually takes a couple of days to clear the payment. Moreover, the electronic payment system is global in nature and hassle-free. Consequently, the eCommerce industry has flourished and many individuals have their own online businesses without any brick and mortar shops. For instance, nowadays it has become pretty easy to shop with a VISA or a Master card, virtually from anywhere in the world. Personally, I hate standing in a long queue to pay my utility bills, and my cards let me do it from home - a time saver indeed. Plastic card payment does not come without negative aspects. Although we can use these cards due to technological advancement, the risks of using plastic money, however, pertain to this technology. The primary threat to such payment mode is cybersecurity and hacking. For example, once a credit card is cloned or its sensitive data is hacked, the owner would suffer a great financial loss. A technology giant like Facebook has failed to protect its user data, for example, and the misuse of user data is a global concern. The same goes for plastic cards and online payment systems that have the same vulnerability. To conclude, despite some adverse effects, the use of plastic money for making and receiving payments is the need of the hour. It provides a plethora of advantages but we have to be careful of its use.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a precise term Original: traditional banking system Suggested revision: cash-based payment system Why it matters: This term refers more precisely to the payment practice being replaced.
- 2. Avoid a wordy phrase Original: use of banknotes Suggested revision: use of cash Why it matters: The shorter phrase covers banknotes and coins more naturally.
- 3. Keep modality consistent Original: might be slow, but steady and widespread Suggested revision: might be slow but is steady and widespread Why it matters: The revision separates the uncertain speed from the asserted continuing trend.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: deals with both of them Suggested revision: examines both aspects Why it matters: This is more concise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: they are more convenient Suggested revision: it is more convenient Why it matters: The singular mass noun plastic money requires a singular pronoun here.
- 6. Clarify the action Original: are processed on the go Suggested revision: enable transactions on the go Why it matters: Cards enable transactions rather than being processed themselves in this context.
- 7. Use natural quantity wording Original: a bulk amount of cash Suggested revision: large amounts of cash Why it matters: This is the more natural collocation for money carried by people.
- 8. Fix dash punctuation Original: check - which Suggested revision: cheque, which Why it matters: A comma correctly introduces the relative clause, and cheque follows British spelling.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: clear the payment Suggested revision: clear Why it matters: A cheque clears; it does not clear a payment in this construction.
- 10. Remove wordiness Original: global in nature Suggested revision: global Why it matters: The adjective already conveys the full meaning without the added phrase.
- 11. Standardise spelling Original: eCommerce Suggested revision: e-commerce Why it matters: The hyphenated lower-case form is conventional in formal prose.
- 12. Use formal register Original: pretty easy Suggested revision: easy Why it matters: Pretty is conversational and unnecessary in this academic context.
Suggested Rewrites
- traditional banking system cash-based payment system
- use of banknotes use of cash
- might be slow, but steady and widespread might be slow but is steady and widespread
- deals with both of them examines both aspects
- they are more convenient it is more convenient
- are processed on the go enable transactions on the go
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages with a clear line of argument, relevant examples, and generally varied language. Its main limitation is organisation: the advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion are compressed into one long paragraph, while several claims and expressions lack precision. Separate the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and develop the disadvantage side with more specific explanation and a directly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both sides of the issue are addressed with a range of relevant ideas and supporting examples, although the disadvantages are less fully developed.
Develop the cybersecurity drawback more precisely by explaining its consequences and using an example directly tied to card payments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically overall, but placing both sides and the conclusion in one long paragraph weakens the organisation.
Use separate body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, followed by a distinct conclusion, with clearer transitions between them.
Lexical Resource
A varied vocabulary communicates ideas effectively, though several collocations and word choices are imprecise or unnatural.
Choose more exact combinations such as carrying a large amount of cash and processing a payment, and avoid vague technology-related phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally controlled, with occasional article, agreement, and punctuation errors that do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and clause boundaries, especially articles, singular-plural agreement, and punctuation around inserted examples.