The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.
Sample Response
The diagram provides a breakdown of how carbonated drinks are produced. Overall, the production of carbonated drinks involves raw water undergoing five distinct stages at which the water is cleaned, carbonated, mixed with other ingredients, packaged and eventually delivered to the general public.
The process commences when raw water from households flows in pipes to a device where it is filtered and softened by the use of chemicals. The clean water is thereafter pumped to electric heaters and goes through a cooling pipe to another device where the carbonation process takes place. During this process, carbon dioxide from another pipe is added to the water.
The carbonated water is then sent to a cylindrical tank in which it is mixed with colouring, syrup, and flavours and filtered for the second time before being filled into bottles and cans. At this stage of the process, the finished beverages are packaged into boxes and eventually dispatched to supermarkets.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct flow preposition Original: in Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Use “through” to describe water moving inside pipes.
- 2. Name separate equipment Original: to a device where it is filtered and softened by the use of chemicals Suggested revision: through a filter and then into a water softener, where chemicals are added Why it matters: The diagram shows a filter followed by a separate water softener and chemical input.
- 3. Clarify heater movement Original: to Suggested revision: through Why it matters: “Through” more precisely describes the water passing inside the heating equipment.
- 4. Use precise process verb Original: goes Suggested revision: passes Why it matters: “Passes through” is more precise for formal process description.
- 5. Name carbonation chamber Original: another device Suggested revision: a carbonation chamber Why it matters: Naming the chamber makes the stage correspond more clearly to the diagram.
- 6. Clarify gas entry Original: from another pipe Suggested revision: through a separate pipe Why it matters: This phrasing describes the carbon-dioxide inlet more precisely.
- 7. Use diagram label Original: cylindrical Suggested revision: mixing Why it matters: The visual identifies this vessel specifically as the mixing tank.
- 8. Use ingredient term Original: flavours Suggested revision: flavouring Why it matters: “Flavouring” is the more natural mass noun for an ingredient added during production.
- 9. Correct filling structure Original: being filled into bottles and cans Suggested revision: being used to fill bottles and cans Why it matters: Containers are filled with the drink; the liquid itself is not normally “filled into” them.
- 10. Identify packaged items Original: finished beverages are packaged into boxes Suggested revision: filled bottles and cans are packed into boxes Why it matters: The diagram shows the filled containers, rather than the beverages alone, being placed in boxes.
Suggested Rewrites
- in through
- to a device where it is filtered and softened by the use of chemicals through a filter and then into a water softener, where chemicals are added
- to through
- goes passes
- another device a carbonation chamber
- from another pipe through a separate pipe
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, accurate account of the full production sequence, with a well-focused overview and logically ordered stage details. Its main limitation is that the overview compresses the heating, cooling, filtering and filling operations into broader labels, so it is slightly less precise than the body. Prioritise naming the most important intermediate transformations explicitly while preserving the concise, controlled style.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the five-stage sequence, and the body accurately covers every major operation from water cleaning to supermarket delivery.
Make the overview more precise by explicitly grouping heating and cooling with carbonation and filtering and filling with packaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through the process, and cohesive references connect the stages smoothly without becoming intrusive.
Keep stage references maximally exact so phrases such as ‘At this stage’ always point unambiguously to the operation being described.
Lexical Resource
A wide, precise range of process vocabulary, including ‘filtered’, ‘carbonation’, ‘cylindrical tank’ and ‘dispatched’, is used naturally.
Refine the overview with more specific process terms instead of broad verbs such as ‘cleaned’ and ‘packaged’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are handled accurately throughout, with strong control of passive forms and subordinate clauses.
Polish the opening overview clause so the relationship between the five stages and their individual functions is expressed even more directly.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.