The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how sugar is produced from sugar cane. The entire process consists of five main stages, the first of which covers the cultivation and harvesting of sugar cane. This is followed by a series of industrial processes, namely, crushing, purification, evaporation and separation, which collectively convert the raw material into juice, syrup and finally the end-product itself, sugar.
By far the longest part of the process is the first. Sugar cane, after it has been left to grow from between 12 to a maximum of 18 months, is harvested either by mechanical means using a combine harvester or manually. The harvested cane is then passed through a crusher, making it into juice. This juice must be purified by filtering it through a limestone filter. After that, the purified juice is heated in an evaporator turning it into syrup. The next stage of the process involves separating the syrup from sugar crystals in a centrifuge.
Finally, the resultant sugar crystals are dried and cooled in storage tanks after which the sugar is then ready to be packaged and sold.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct stage count Original: five Suggested revision: seven Why it matters: The diagram numbers seven stages from growing through drying and cooling.
- 2. Fix range structure Original: from between 12 to a maximum of 18 months Suggested revision: for between 12 and 18 months Why it matters: A duration range uses 'for between X and Y'.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: by mechanical means using a combine harvester Suggested revision: mechanically using a harvester Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same harvesting method more concisely.
- 4. Use precise process verb Original: making it into juice Suggested revision: which extracts the juice Why it matters: 'Extracts' describes the crusher's function more precisely.
- 5. Maintain process style Original: must be purified Suggested revision: is then purified Why it matters: A neutral present-passive form reports the process without implying an instruction.
- 6. Add participle comma Original: evaporator turning Suggested revision: evaporator, turning Why it matters: A comma is needed before the participial phrase describing the result.
- 7. Reverse separation wording Original: separating the syrup from sugar crystals Suggested revision: separating sugar crystals from the syrup Why it matters: The centrifuge removes the crystals from the remaining syrup.
- 8. Name final equipment Original: storage tanks Suggested revision: a dryer and cooler Why it matters: The final stage is drying and cooling rather than storage in tanks.
- 9. Remove repetition Original: after which the sugar is then Suggested revision: after which it is Why it matters: Using both 'after which' and 'then' is redundant, and the pronoun avoids repeating 'sugar'.
- 10. Complete the overview Suggested revision: Present the process as seven stages and include drying and cooling after centrifuging in the sequence. Why it matters: The overview undercounts the labelled stages and stops its summary before the final operation.
Suggested Rewrites
- five seven
- from between 12 to a maximum of 18 months for between 12 and 18 months
- by mechanical means using a combine harvester mechanically using a harvester
- making it into juice which extracts the juice
- must be purified is then purified
- evaporator turning evaporator, turning
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response accurately and efficiently traces sugar production from the lengthy growing stage through harvesting and the successive industrial transformations, with a strong overview and consistently logical progression. Its language is precise and varied, and errors are rare. The main refinement is to avoid small unsupported additions such as packaging and selling and to describe the final drying and cooling apparatus without calling it a storage tank.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview and accurately covers every essential stage, with only minor unsupported wording at the end.
Keep the conclusion strictly tied to the diagram by ending with dried and cooled sugar crystals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced naturally from cultivation to the final product, with effective paragraphing and cohesive progression.
For even sharper organisation, state that the diagram contains seven numbered stages while grouping them into agricultural and industrial phases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well suited to process description, with only occasional slightly awkward phrasing.
Replace the cumbersome range phrase with grows for 12 to 18 months and avoid unsupported storage-tank terminology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine modifier attachment and punctuation around participial clauses, such as the clause describing evaporation into syrup.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.