As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter: - introduce yourself - ask for a loan - say why you need the money - tell how you intend to pay back the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am an international student at the University of Gothenburg and manage a checking account with your bank. My parents send me tuition fees and monthly expenses to your bank from Iran. Due to an error at the originating bank in Iran, I am unable to receive my payment in September. Now I am hoping you would grant me a small loan. My account number with your branch is 000215478544, and I receive money from my parents each month. They send the money from Iran Zamin Bank in Tehran and if you look at my statement you will notice that I receive around 20 thousand Swedish Kronor on an average every month. This time a mistake from the originating bank, the Iran Zamin Bank, caused the trouble and my payment was withheld. However, I need the money to pay my house rent and my university exam fee. If I can not pay those in time, I would be in great trouble. I would, therefore, request you to grant me a short-term loan of 30 thousand Swedish Kronor which I will repay within the next six months. I will receive the fund from my parents and once the withheld payment is disbursed, I can start repaying. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear from you regarding this. Yours faithfully, Hassan Mustafizur
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Format the amount Original: 20 thousand Suggested revision: 20,000 Why it matters: Using figures with a thousands separator makes the monetary amount easier to read.
- 2. Correct the expression Original: Swedish Kronor on an average Suggested revision: Swedish kronor on average Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'on average', and the currency name does not require an internal capital letter.
- 3. Clarify time and source Original: This time a mistake from the originating bank Suggested revision: This month, a mistake at the originating bank Why it matters: The revised preposition and time reference describe the source of this month's delay accurately.
- 4. Name the problem Original: trouble Suggested revision: delay Why it matters: 'The delay' identifies the specific problem more precisely than the vague noun 'trouble'.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: my house rent Suggested revision: my rent Why it matters: 'Pay my rent' is the standard collocation in this context.
- 6. Link the request Original: Now I am hoping Suggested revision: I therefore hope Why it matters: 'Therefore' connects the loan request clearly to the delayed transfer described just before it.
- 7. Correct pronoun phrase Original: pay those in time Suggested revision: pay them on time Why it matters: 'Them' refers naturally to the two charges, and 'on time' means by the required deadline.
- 8. Use plural funds Original: fund Suggested revision: funds Why it matters: 'Funds' is the conventional plural noun for money received for expenses.
- 9. Use natural account wording Original: manage Suggested revision: hold Why it matters: 'Hold an account' is the more natural collocation for describing a customer's banking relationship.
- 10. Clarify the time frame Original: unable to receive my payment in September Suggested revision: have not received my September payment Why it matters: The present perfect clearly connects the missed September payment to the current loan request.
- 11. Specify loan duration Original: a small loan Suggested revision: a short-term loan Why it matters: 'Short-term' previews the six-month repayment period stated later in the letter.
- 12. Remove the article Original: the Iran Zamin Bank Suggested revision: Iran Zamin Bank Why it matters: A named bank does not take 'the' in this appositive phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- 20 thousand 20,000
- Swedish Kronor on an average Swedish kronor on average
- This time a mistake from the originating bank This month, a mistake at the originating bank
- trouble delay
- my house rent my rent
- Now I am hoping I therefore hope
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter achieves its purpose convincingly by introducing the account holder, explaining the delayed transfer and urgent expenses, and setting out a specific loan and repayment plan. The main weakness is some repetition and several slightly unnatural collocations; the highest-priority improvement is to streamline the explanation of the banking error and choose more idiomatic financial wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All four bullet points are fully addressed with relevant details, a clear loan amount, a credible repayment plan, and an appropriately formal tone.
Add a precise requested disbursement date or repayment schedule to make the practical request even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from identification to the problem, need, request, and repayment, though the transfer error is explained repetitively.
Consolidate the repeated account and bank-error details so each paragraph advances the request more efficiently.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and appropriate for a formal banking request, but several collocations are slightly unnatural or imprecise.
Use idiomatic phrases such as hold an account, on average, and receive the funds, while avoiding unnecessary repetition of bank and payment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex sentences with generally sound control, while a few pronoun, spacing, and clause-level errors remain.
Polish references such as pay them rather than pay those, write cannot consistently, and check coordination in longer sentences.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- ask for a loan
- say why you need the money
- tell how you intend to pay back the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.