As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter: - introduce yourself - ask for a loan - say why you need the money - tell how you intend to pay back the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am an international student studying at Lund University in Sweden. I also have an account with your bank which I opened after I had arrived in Sweden about 2 years ago. I have always managed to keep my account in good standing. But, today I am writing this letter in order to ask for a short-term loan because I will not be able to receive any money transfer anytime soon due to some errors with my parent's bank account in my country. Of course, my parents are trying to sort out the problem, but they told me that it would take a while before I receive any bank transfer. But, I will need the money now since I will have to pay my rent within a few days. Besides, I will need to take care of other expenses, like the costs of food and transportation. Therefore, please grant me a loan of 2,000 Euro for a maximum period of three months. But as soon as I receive the bank transfer from my parents, I surely will pay you back. Yours faithfully, Wong Lee
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use simple past Original: after I had arrived Suggested revision: after I arrived Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient for this completed event with a stated time.
- 2. Remove abrupt opener Original: But, today Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: Starting directly with the time reference creates a smoother formal transition.
- 3. Name the delayed transfer Original: receive any money transfer anytime soon Suggested revision: receive this month's transfer on time Why it matters: This wording refers more precisely to the delayed monthly payment in the task.
- 4. Match the stated cause Original: some errors with my parent's bank account Suggested revision: an error at my parents' bank Why it matters: The task identifies one error at the parents' bank rather than errors with an account.
- 5. Use precise reference Original: any bank transfer Suggested revision: the delayed transfer Why it matters: A definite reference clearly links this sentence to the transfer already explained.
- 6. Use formal transition Original: But, I will need the money now Suggested revision: However, I need the money now Why it matters: This transition expresses the contrast more smoothly and avoids another sentence-opening But.
- 7. Use concise examples Original: like the costs of food and transportation Suggested revision: such as food and transport costs Why it matters: This is a more concise and formal way to introduce the expense examples.
- 8. Use plural currency Original: Euro Suggested revision: euros Why it matters: The currency unit should be plural after a number greater than one.
- 9. Use formal repayment wording Original: I surely will pay you back Suggested revision: I will repay the loan in full Why it matters: This phrasing states the repayment commitment more precisely and formally.
- 10. Separate the letter sections Suggested revision: Use separate paragraphs for your introduction and request, the reason for the loan, and the repayment plan, with the sign-off on a new line. Why it matters: Clear paragraphing would make the four requested points easier for the bank to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- after I had arrived after I arrived
- But, today Today
- receive any money transfer anytime soon receive this month's transfer on time
- some errors with my parent's bank account an error at my parents' bank
- any bank transfer the delayed transfer
- But, I will need the money now However, I need the money now
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully addresses the request, gives a clear reason for the loan, and explains a practical repayment plan in an appropriately formal tone. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire response forms one paragraph, while repeated sentence openings with “But” make the flow feel less polished. The highest-priority improvement is to group the introduction, circumstances, request, and repayment plan into clear paragraphs with more varied transitions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all four bullet points are directly covered, and the loan amount, need, and repayment arrangement are sufficiently developed.
Strengthen the repayment detail by stating a definite fallback date or instalment arrangement if the parental transfer remains delayed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible sequence, but the single-paragraph format and repeated use of “But” make the cohesion less controlled.
Divide the letter into purposeful paragraphs and vary transitions so that each stage of the request is clearly signposted.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally precise for a formal banking request, with only occasional awkward phrasing and repetition.
Use more natural expressions such as “the transfer has been delayed” and avoid repeating “bank transfer” when a pronoun or synonym would be clear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled accurately enough for clear communication, although a few constructions and possessive forms are imperfect.
Refine article, possessive, and time-clause choices, especially phrases such as “my parents’ bank” and the description of when the account was opened.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- ask for a loan
- say why you need the money
- tell how you intend to pay back the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.