As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter: - introduce yourself - ask for a loan - say why you need the money - tell how you intend to pay back the money
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am an international student studying at Lund University in Sweden. I also have an account with your bank which I opened after I arrivedafter I had arrived in Sweden about 2 years ago. I have always managed to keep my account in good standing. TodayBut, today I am writing this letter in order to ask for a short-term loan because I will not be able to receive this month's transfer on timereceive any money transfer anytime soon due to an error at my parents' banksome errors with my parent's bank account in my country. Of course, my parents are trying to sort out the problem, but they told me that it would take a while before I receive the delayed transferany bank transfer. However, I need the money nowBut, I will need the money now since I will have to pay my rent within a few days. Besides, I will need to take care of other expenses, such as food and transport costslike the costs of food and transportation. Therefore, please grant me a loan of 2,000 eurosEuro for a maximum period of three months. But as soon as I receive the bank transfer from my parents, I will repay the loan in fullI surely will pay you back. Yours faithfully, Wong Lee
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully addresses the request, gives a clear reason for the loan, and explains a practical repayment plan in an appropriately formal tone. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire response forms one paragraph, while repeated sentence openings with “But” make the flow feel less polished. The highest-priority improvement is to group the introduction, circumstances, request, and repayment plan into clear paragraphs with more varied transitions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all four bullet points are directly covered, and the loan amount, need, and repayment arrangement are sufficiently developed.
Strengthen the repayment detail by stating a definite fallback date or instalment arrangement if the parental transfer remains delayed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible sequence, but the single-paragraph format and repeated use of “But” make the cohesion less controlled.
Divide the letter into purposeful paragraphs and vary transitions so that each stage of the request is clearly signposted.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally precise for a formal banking request, with only occasional awkward phrasing and repetition.
Use more natural expressions such as “the transfer has been delayed” and avoid repeating “bank transfer” when a pronoun or synonym would be clear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled accurately enough for clear communication, although a few constructions and possessive forms are imperfect.
Refine article, possessive, and time-clause choices, especially phrases such as “my parents’ bank” and the description of when the account was opened.