You would like to rent a commercial space for a shop you want to start in a newly built shopping complex. You have decided to write to the market authority about it. Write a letter to the market authority. In your letter: - inform what type of space you want to rent - say what type of shop you are planning to start - ask for the availability and cost of the shop
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Khoi Vinh, and I am writing this letter to enquire about the possibility of renting a commercial space in the very beautiful shopping mall of yours located at the downtown main street that has just recently been built.
I am planning to open a shop for children’s toys in your shopping complex which would require a large space, probably as large as 3,000 square feet, and that too has to be at a prime spot of your shopping complex. And when I say “prime spot”, I mean to suggest that the shop has to be located in such a position that it can be very easily visible and accessible from all directions. By the way, I would need such a large space because I am also planning to set up a little playground for children in it.
So, I would like to know if you could provide me with some information about the availability of such commercial space for me as per my requirements. I would also appreciate it very much if you could possibly quote me a price to rent such a shop at your shopping centre.
I would like to hear from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Khoi Vinh
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal phrasing Original: the very beautiful shopping mall of yours Suggested revision: your shopping mall Why it matters: This is more concise and appropriately formal for a letter to the market authority.
- 2. Correct location phrase Original: at the downtown main street Suggested revision: on the main street downtown Why it matters: A property is located “on” a street, while “downtown” is used naturally as an adverb here.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: has just recently been built Suggested revision: was recently built Why it matters: “Just” and “recently” duplicate the same time meaning.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: and that too has to be Suggested revision: and it would need to be Why it matters: A clear pronoun and conditional verb form connect the location requirement more accurately to the requested space.
- 5. Use precise collocation Original: at a prime spot Suggested revision: in a prime location Why it matters: “In a prime location” is the more natural phrase for commercial premises.
- 6. Reduce wordiness Original: I mean to suggest that Suggested revision: I mean that Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the intended clarification directly.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: very easily visible Suggested revision: clearly visible Why it matters: “Clearly visible” is a more idiomatic and concise description of the shop’s prominence.
- 8. Use formal transition Original: By the way Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: The informal aside is unsuitable for this formal request and weakens the progression.
- 9. Add the article Original: such commercial space Suggested revision: such a commercial space Why it matters: The singular countable noun “space” requires an article in this phrase.
- 10. Remove bureaucratic wording Original: for me as per my requirements Suggested revision: that meets my requirements Why it matters: This replacement expresses the condition more directly and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- the very beautiful shopping mall of yours your shopping mall
- at the downtown main street on the main street downtown
- has just recently been built was recently built
- and that too has to be and it would need to be
- at a prime spot in a prime location
- I mean to suggest that I mean that
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter fully addresses the requested space, proposed toy shop, and enquiries about availability and rent, with especially useful detail about size, location, and the planned play area. Its main limitation is that some phrasing is wordy or conversational for a formal request, which slightly weakens fluency and precision. The priority is to tighten repetitive sentences and replace expressions such as by the way with more businesslike transitions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are fully covered with a clear purpose and relevant supporting detail, while the tone remains broadly suitable for the market authority.
Maintain a consistently formal register by removing conversational asides when explaining the space requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into purposeful paragraphs and follows a logical sequence, though repetition and a few conversational linkers slightly interrupt the flow.
Condense repeated references to the shopping complex and use more formal transitions between the size, location, and playground details.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary for commercial property and shop requirements, but several expressions are awkward or unnecessarily elaborate.
Prefer concise, precise phrases such as a prominent location, a rental quotation, and the newly built downtown shopping centre.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled with good overall control, although some long clauses and relative constructions are cumbersome.
Break the opening sentence into two and streamline relative clauses so each request is expressed more cleanly.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You would like to rent a commercial space for a shop you want to start in a newly built shopping complex. You have decided to write to the market authority about it. Write a letter to the market authority. In your letter:
- inform what type of space you want to rent
- say what type of shop you are planning to start
- ask for the availability and cost of the shop
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.